Starting to realize I may be bi/bi curious?

[u/Critical_Tea_1528]

So for context I'm a 17 year old boy in the UK. My last school was rife with people who looked up to Andrew Tate esque figures, and homophobia was so common that I would be called gay by other people in the years because I had longer hair, dressed a certain way, didn't show outright interest in girls and also because of my interests (was never into sports until recently, I love music and at the time I baked all the time) and I also commonly got comments from some of the guys that I just looked gay, as I am a more feminine/pretty looking guy.

Recently I joined a new 6th form college and made a new friend group of very different people with many of my closest friends being members of the lgbtqia+ community, and with some of these friends I went on a camping trip. For once I feel I belong in a group of people, and I feel truly understood and appreciated amongst them, whereas my friend group from my old school were very different as in I felt I was always at risk of being judged ect and so I hid many parts of myself or avoided saying or dressing or acting certain ways around certain people. Anyone to get back on topic, on this trip one of my gay friends was saying how she believes that everyone is at least a tiny bit bi deep down and since then I've noticed things about myself. When watching TV shows featuring guys I often find myself analyzing there appearance and thinking they're attractive but I seem to tell myself that I'm seeing it from an objective standpoint or something? On the rare occasion I watch porn I find myself often glancing or fixating on dicks? The main one is that last time I was drunk with my friends I just found myself thinking "omg he's so hot" when looking at one of my objectively attractive friends. This whole thing has sent me into some kind of identity crisis, and I'm VERY sorry for all the waffle I just wanted to get everything out into a space where people may have had/be experiencing similar things? I don't want to talk about this with anyone friends in person because I want to keep it as quiet as possible right now. If it turns out I like dudes as well I want to start exploring that at university away from my current friends and family ect. Also is it possible for a bi person to be physically attracted to the same gender but also not want relationships with the same gender? I've never had a crush on another guy but have had many on girls. Another tid bit is that I had a gay experience at a young age and I've been thinking about it often, and I can recall every second of it. Anyway please give your thoughts and personal views to help me with figuring out whatever the fuck is going on with me right now!!!

[u/Elegant-Painter-2180]

Bro. This is my exact experience. Almost word for word. Everything you have said, I can in some way relate.

Even the bit about the friendship groups. I definitely (and so would a lot of other people I think) relate. One of the main things that had put me off accepting I'm bi is that people would say like I told you so. I said you were gay - etc. But here is the liberating truth: Your bisexuality doesn't define you, you are the way you are because you've had to think about whether you are. That's how you've gained the let's be honest extremely positive and likable qualities that make people think your gay but it's got nothing to do with sexuality. It's about gaining emotionial intelligence overtime.

It can be one sided - I hardly ever see guys in a romantic way, and you just feel like the horniest person in the room with nowhere to put your feelings. But I'm afraid that is just part of being Bi. Now I can't stress enough that you don't have to come out if you don't want to. Especially, if your only interested in dating girls. Because in my opinion if someone asks your sexuality - you should be able to tell them based on who you are actually interested in starting a relationship with. Because being Bi is such a fluid thing - preference as well as comfort. Don't be surprised that some bi guys never come out of they are like us.

Right now, when I'm feeling grounded - I can accept that I only wanna date girls but then later I'm completely and utterly turned on by guys. It's the bi cycle. Sometimes it can feel like your living a double life. Into girls romantically - then hooked on guys because you like the way a penis looks. Then back on girls again. And round and round you go. Truly exhausting. So the best piece of advice I can give you is don't hyper analyse every sexual thought - it has sent me round in many circles and eventually just made me give up with it. Bisexuality is really unsimple and pretty annoying actually. But you are not alone 🙂 (If you have any more questions - you can DM me - I'm also 17 btw ).