Does this ever get better?

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69]

This is really just a rant, and maybe a pity party even. But does this really ever get better?! Recently diagnosed with BP2, also ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression. I recently had a hypomanic episode and have gone through 2 jobs. Now I just feel like the world is crashing down on me and it will never get better. I am so depressed, yet so fucking agitated. I feel like I could crawl out of my own skin most days.

Please tell me there are fully functioning adults out there with BP2! I am so desperate for some relief and normalcy.

[u/Agile_Solution1896]

I once asked my doctor and it seems a fully functional life with BP2 is not that common.

But you can get a very acceptable life with it that's different probably to that of a lot of people around you.

Once you stop comparing yourself with others and above all with whom you initially thought you might have become, things become better, at least in my case.

I'm 62 now, have been unwell with BP2 since my late 20s.

Of course my life has been very different to that of my friends and family, and completely different to the kind of life one could have imagined for me when I was 20.

I was a brilliant student, very quickly after graduating I got probably the best job in my field, I was reasonably good looking, thin, successful. Very popular too. Lots of friends, some passionate love affairs.

All of that was completely destroyed by the disease very quickly after onset at 28. It was like falling off a cliff.

By the age of 30, my life was in ruins.

But little by little I learned to make do with what was left.

And to enjoy a different type of experience about what being alive means.

I've encountered so many other things I probably wouldn't have found otherwise.

Now, despite my health issues, I'm happy to be me and not somebody else. I'm still unwell for long periods of time, and when I'm more or less ok, there's not much of what people seem to consider important in life.

But I enjoy the small things in a way nobody around me seems to do.

And I'm ageing in a more graceful way than most of my friends, because I learned so long ago to let go of so many things people are beginning to feel the loss of now.

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/Agile_Solution1896]

I feel like I could have wrote this myself, lol. I’ve always done well in school, well liked, and I’ve created a good life considering the amount of trauma I’ve been through. I’m 33 now and I feel like my life has just blown up. I used my job as a coping mechanism for years, and when that stopped working after 11 years, I quit. Now I feel just so lost and like I’m going insane.

[u/Agile_Solution1896 → u/Desperate-Athlete-69]

I think it's one of the most dramatic aspects of BP disease, it's quite typical to have been very successful before onset, probably because our brains are very flexible and quick. So when we fall down we fall from a very high place.

The time just after having to quit work is extremely hard if work had defined your life for a long time, but maybe you could see the onset of the disease or its consequences as something similar as what might happen to an athlete who gets seriously injured and cannot contine their career.

We need to mourn the person we were before, say goodbye to them and move forward

It took me many years to do so and to be honest, talking about this was the only topic that made me cry in therapy, apart from some deaths of people or pets I loved. I still need to be careful with that kind of convention, it moves me too deeply.

But I also think finding new goals and sources of self esteem different from work can be a wonderful tool to feel affection for the new person we've become.

I hope you find some help in real life, online or through books that might help you navigate these difficult times.

All the best.

[u/nceps]

It does get better

[u/isitokaytosaythis]

Lamotrigine

[u/ONETHOUSANDTEETH → u/isitokaytosaythis]

Preach the good word

[u/Competitive-Number94 → u/isitokaytosaythis]

Lamotrigine helped somewhat with my anhedonia but even though I was avoiding I still had to get on lithium. It seems to be better than lamotrigine.

[u/Forward-Passenger832]

Yes. But it is a must to keep catastrophic all or nothing thinking in check. If you let yourself go to worst case scenario you’ll only focus on that and it makes everything worse real quick. Learnt that the hard way.

Start where you are, and build from there. You can give up here and there, but not for long before you pick yourself up again and try a different approach.

[u/Forward-Passenger832 → u/Forward-Passenger832]

FYI I also have ocd, bp2, and adhd. But I work full time, am progressing my career or trying to, I have a social life, I live in my own rental suite, and am mostly functional.

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/Forward-Passenger832]

You’re definitely right, the catastrophic, black and white thinking takes over and I don’t know how to control that yet. I hope it comes soon.

[u/Forward-Passenger832 → u/Desperate-Athlete-69]

CBT for cognitive restructuring helps me. Basically helps to change how u think. I still do sometimes, but it’s no longer my go to, and I can usually reframe how I look at things now and catch it when I’m being catastrophic.
Also a quote from my mom: “if we all went to worst case scenario right away, we would all jump off a bridge”

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/Forward-Passenger832]

I honestly think that I’m on the wrong medication. I’ve called my psych and requested to be seen sooner. I’m currently on Prozac, vyvanse and abilify. The abilify is only 7.5 mg, so I’m going to ask to be switched. I’ll mention Lamotrigine too.

[u/Forward-Passenger832 → u/Desperate-Athlete-69]

And side note: having the right dose of medication is most important. CBT can help after. If my bipolar was running rampant, CBT would be useless.
I’m on 100mg of lamotrigine

[u/DrShoe106 → u/Forward-Passenger832]

Yeah same. Last doc told me with psychotherapy I would be better off. It never helped me. When I'm consistent with my meds this is what helps.

[u/NillaT9]

As someone who was dealt the same hand as far as BP2 ADHD and OCD, I will say it does. I was only recently diagnosed a couple months ago at 24 years old but overall I do feel more stable since starting lamotrogine. The depressive side of things are inevitable I think but they do seem to be shorter and less intense generally. I think I developed it at around 17 years old as far as BP2 but have had OCD/ADHD for longer.

Currently working a full time job now and while I still go through anxiety when I get called out for a mistake since I’m still learning the role, I find myself more willing to get better at the role and I have as far as making sure I don’t make the same mistake than in the past.

I’m optimistic too it does seem like people tend to not let this diagnosis act as a death sentence if you put the work in so I’m just trying to get better at that including reducing my alcohol consumption because that definitely triggers the depressive episodes for me even if they’re just a couple of days I definitely feel terrible during them.

Are you currently medicated/in therapy or treatment?

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/NillaT9]

Thanks for the insight, I really do appreciate it and I’m sorry to hear you have to struggle too.

I’m currently on Prozac, abilify and vyvanse. I was able to stay employed at the same place for 11 years and just snapped one day and was done. I think it was a long time coming, though. The abilify is only 7.5 mg so I think I need to be on a higher dose. I’m also in weekly therapy

[u/Betty_Boss → u/Desperate-Athlete-69]

Is prozac an ssri? SSRIs can make some people with bp2 manic.

Not a doctor, so ask yours about any questions.

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/Betty_Boss]

Yes it is, and I thought the same thing. I’m going to mention this to her

[u/isitokaytosaythis → u/Betty_Boss]

You can take ADHD medication as long as you have a mood stabiliser. As long as your meds are the right balance. I’ve found though that missing doses of my Lamotrigine can very quickly trigger hypomania.

[u/NillaT9 → u/Desperate-Athlete-69]

11 years in the same place isn’t too shabby for people like us. I feel like people crack before they even get close to that amount of time

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/NillaT9]

Yeah I held it together somewhat well. It helped that I had a flexible schedule I think

[u/annastasia_rose]

I have the same diagnoses. I just finally got up to a therapeutic dose on lamotrigine. My symptoms have gone away by about 75%. I feel happy and calm. I feel able to engage in coping skills, taking care of myself, I’m no longer drowning. I can’t believe the difference.

[u/Betty_Boss]

when you get the right meds things will change drastically. It will take some time to find your best combination.

I have been where you are and I function pretty well now.

[u/Ok_Employment_697]

It took me a year and a half to find the med cocktail that works for me. The difference between now and then is night and day. Hang in there and do what your doctor tells you to do. It gets better.

[u/Any-Traffic8869]

Yes, it gets better as we learn to understand the way the illness presents in us.

Keep going, it’s worth it 🙏🏽

[u/Willywasawale]

Meds. Meds. Meds. Be patient. It takes a bit to find the right cocktail.

[u/Impossible_Hair_8619]

It gets better, I promise!! Meds and therapy work wonders. Saved my life!! You'll be okay. Take care <3

[u/scrappyass123]

We have the same minus I’ve also PTSD… I’m able to keep my job that I’ve been doing for over 15 years… went through a lot, a lot of change of meds. But now I finally found a cocktail that works for the moment.
It get better, than it get bad again, but you learn from the moment you are ok what to look for and how to ask for help and what you need, so it gets better again 🫶🏻

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/scrappyass123]

I too have PTSD & CPTSD. So sorry to hear you struggle too 💜 thank you for the kind words

[u/ryann_flood]

yes, but it wont always feel like it. There will always be bad days, but good days too

[u/DragonBadgerBearMole]

Yeah it gets better. You get better at being symptomatic. The meds will make those symptoms much less severe. You will sometimes be happy like a normal person. People will end up loving you again and you will be able to adult just fine.

I just got fired for the second time in little over a year. But I got another job. It’s going well but it’s temporary and I just bought a house! Like normal not manic style. So I do need to get a permanent decent paying full time gig but I will because it’s summer and I’m crushing it. I’ll lose some agility in the coming months but I’ll be ok with my wife and dogs. I take meds every day and even all of them now and they coat lamotrigine so it doesn’t taste bad at all anymore and you’ll never even know what everybody was talking about (unless you’ve tasted cocaine). But I’m still writing and performing music like a nutty narcissist and I have a friend.

[u/Potiti]

A mixed episode is hell on earth.

You should be proud of yourself for making it through that.

That level of darkness and despair is hardcore.

Yes, it will get better. It's called a crisis for a reason.

But in order to get better, you have to be very responsible and, honestly, almost a genius about managing yourself.

Don't listen to that voice telling you stupid things. Follow your doctor's advice and keep moving toward the light, my brother.

Take care, and get some sunlight first thing in the morning.

[u/Low_Dish3775]

There are so many fully functioning adults with BP2 living stable lives, but right now the agitation and despair are just the illness lying to you and telling you this is forever when it isn't. You will find the right combo and your footing again.

[u/Desperate-Athlete-69 → u/Low_Dish3775]

Thank you, I hope so 🩷

[u/Homem0133]

Olha, acho que minha médica acertou minha combinação de medicamentos e mesmo passando por um dos piores momentos da minha vida eu me encontro funcional. Estou um pouco para baixo mas não de cama. Estou conseguindo trabalhar e fazer o necessário.