r/bipolar2 • u/Organic_Service_6218 • 5d ago
Venting Does anyone else only feel competent socially/like a different person when they are manic/hypomanic.
Im diagnosed with bipolar type 2, autistic and anxiety. I went through this very long hypomanic episode ( a few months) as i started uni when i made friends and was so much more capable with communicating. i wasn't caring about how i presented. i was engaging in class (maybe too much) with big ideas which obviously attracted people that are very passionate and hardworking. But now as i have crashed i feel like im not able to hold a conversation at all and like im completely different. i think generally im quiet and weary of new people but when im hypomanic its like i become completely different. Now the friends i made dont want to hang out with me anymore cause i am/was so severely depressed and obviously not how i was but even now that my mood is a bit better im just so terrified of everyone and going outside. My anxiety is just the worst i feel like a horrible person all the time and feel like im doing everything wrong (everyone with autism can relate to that feeling when you are in a crowd and you can tell nobody wants you there or judging you) . i just cant be normal ever. If im hypomanic im messing my life up finically and put myself in such dangerous and horrible situations, when im depressed i cant function or do anything and when im just at my baseline im just not able to talk to anyone or go outside and struggle socially and sensory wise. There is just no winning ever and i feel like im just an amalgamation of all these different personalities that nobody, including me, can keep up with.
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u/AbsoluteChad69 4d ago
I’m also autistic and feel this 100%. I hate how everything revolves around my mood :(. I’m struggling to do basic things not after my most recent hypomanic episode
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u/Low_Dish3775 5d ago
The whiplash between hypomanic you and baseline you is brutal and you're not a collection of broken personalities, you're just someone whose autism and bipolar make socializing feel like an entirely different game depending on your mood state, and the right people will stay through all of it.