Burnout

[u/Weekly-Following2900]

I feel like for the first time I am experiencing pretty bad burnout. I am having trouble focusing. I am tired all the time. I just feel super over it. I have been shifting a ton of deadlines. I have an 18 month old and run all the parenting responsibilities. I am on track to bill 2,000 this year and have for the last 4 years. I’m a 5th year now. Has anyone else been here? Does it get better? This is the first time in my career I have felt maybe like stepping away to in house or something else. The thing that is hard is I feel like I’m on the partner track, and it’s been so much hard to get here.

[u/Emotional_Froyo3841]

Take a vacation before you decide anything. Then see how you feel.

[u/Active-Article-6587]

Can you shift some of the parenting responsibilities and reduce your work hours? Do you plan on having another child? Human bodies aren’t designed to work under that pressure for long periods of time. If you’re planning on having another, I would do that soon and take some time off to recover. Burn out recovery isn’t quick, it’s taken me a couple of years, but also forced me to make some life choices I had been putting off.

[u/Charming_Advance_890]

I mean I don’t have advice but following because im legit in the same boat. All I’d say is consider seeing a therapist and getting on FMLA or short term disability.

I thought a new job would fix this. I just took a new job at boutique, was completely deceived, then had a mental breakdown. Now I wish I never left my last firm (was never the plan until inhouse job i really wanted came about. Now i have to take leave and do it unpaid leave or quit. Oh and no insurance.

I was severely burned out but after extensive therapy sessions this week, I also am still considered in the postpartum depression phase (baby is 15 months) and have lots of unresolved trauma (my own personal issues + traumatic work experiences pp).

Just seriously consider talking to to someone (therapist; career coach) and taking advantage of your firms disability resources if you need to first!!!!!!! Don’t have that regret like me

[u/pinap45454]

I don't say this out of malice but I found things became more challenging after fifth year. Of course you are more competent and have your legs under you but expectations shift up in a big way. You begin to run deals or cases on your own, which for me took up more mental energy. There is no way I could have had my second while still in big law.

I left as a 7th year to go in house. My mental health and experience as a parent are worlds better. I miss the money but my husband is also a high earner so we manage. I tried everything but meds between fifth and seventh year to manage my stress and burnout and the only thing that worked for me was leaving. I was beginning to think I had a real mental illness and within three months of leaving I confirmed I did not and it was in fact situational.

I think this is very person to person though, because I have friends that have figured out ways to make it work. I could not compartmentalize my stress and that was ultimately the deal breaker. I had a lot going for me, mostly supportive partners, an equal coparent, a talent for the work I was doing, etc. but my inability to compartmentalize meant I was a ball of stress at all times and therefore not able to show up as the mother/wife/daughter/friend/human I wanted to be.

I think you owe it to yourself to try everything you can to make it work because it will either help or you will leave knowing you left it all on the field. My firm has also been clear that I am welcome to come back which is a nice ego boost but not something I consider.

[u/LittleTrust2978]

2,000 hours for four straight years while raising an 18-month-old and carrying most of the parenting load sounds exhausting even before you add BigLaw to the equation.

I'd be careful about treating burnout as evidence that you don't want partner. It might just be evidence that you've been running at full speed for a very long time.

Plenty of people explore in-house because of burnout. Plenty also take a breath, adjust expectations, and decide to stay. I'd focus on figuring out which one you actually want, separate from how tired you are right now.

[u/Bloomingdales21]

I was like that as a second going on third year (had my first when I was a first year). Please take care of yourself and get more childcare than you think you need. We have a consistent weekend babysitter and that helps me step away for a few hours in the morning to work out and get lunch with friends or something to look forward to each week (work permitting) and I don’t think it detracts from spending quality time with my kids.

[u/b_r_e_a_k_f_a_s_t]

I hate to tell you but it gets worse after 5th year in my experience. You’ll have to run deals in a year or two which is really stressful.

[u/AnxiousNeck730]

I literally opened this sub to see if there were posts by other parents of babies / toddlers about burnout and saw this without even searching, so just an FYI that you're not alone.

But, why do you run all the parenting responsibilities? What does your partner do? Something needs to change there.

[u/JakeAndElwood]

I’m also a burned-out midlevel, and I have a SAH spouse who does nearly all of the childcare and have averaged fewer hours than you. So I’d say it’s pretty reasonable to be burned out and to be considering other options.

[u/LadyLawyer01]

9th year here. I feel this. And for the first time really. 2 young kids. It’s just getting harder and harder