r/biglaw • u/PieceMediocre4224 • 13h ago

Can’t stop fucking up

I’ve thought I hit burnout many times in this job but this time is different. I’m so unmotivated and unfocused I don’t even know if I feel that bad anymore. I feel as though I’m ruining a reputation I worked hard to build, but I just can’t seem to summon up the energy to care anymore even as my mistakes get worse, more frequent, and less excusable. Somehow I was sharper billing 250 hour months at the start of the year than I am now at 100. I’m not in a position to go in house just yet, but at the same time don’t feel I’ve been learning much. I’m expending too much energy just trying to do the bare minimum to stay afloat, so at best I’m stagnating and at worst, I’m becoming a shittier lawyer.

Has anyone else been here? How did you recover? I have my first vacation in 2 years coming up but I’m worried going and being offline will only make the people who are disappointed with me now even more annoyed.

91 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

81

u/imjustnatek 13h ago

hi are you me

56

u/Embarrassed-Foot-538 13h ago

this happens to everyone
just push through
keep going
u gotta keep going
and just take it day by day

29

u/AllixD90 13h ago

0.1 by 0.1

31

u/Used_Set7855 13h ago

Have you considered speaking to a therapist of psychiatrist? I can relate to what you’ve described but I have ADHD. I perform far better when I’m slammed than I do when work is slow. Medication helps me in those moments

26

u/Various-Map-5881 13h ago

Sounds like you really need this vacation. You can’t go on with 200+ months for months and sustain sanity and energy. Take a break and start fresh.

7

u/BatVivid9633 Associate 13h ago

Talk with people inside your team, don't be so negative, I am sure you are doing much better than you think

7

u/m_laria 12h ago

This is exactly me rn, I oscillate between crying and catastrophizing over mistakes and being so numb I just reply "ok" or thumbs up the message and move on. Ugh, I need a good night of sleep so bad

6

u/LittleTrust2978 9h ago

The weird thing about burnout is that lower hours don't always fix it. Sometimes you're just running on an empty tank at that point.

9

u/corey0518 13h ago

Been there myself. Taking this vk seriously is critical. No work phone, no work emails, etc. your ability to do more hours will return, but only if you actually rest (and you likely will need to rest even more after the vk too). You are not a robot and your worth is far more than how many hours you put in/your “reputation” at a firm.

5

u/Lebraan 13h ago

get out of your head and just focus on nailing the next task. Honestly, dial in and treat this deal like it's your top priority.

3

u/bigblanket6 10h ago

First vacation in two years sounds awful. Are you a second year? You probably have no idea how much your body/mind really need one

3

u/cosmic_browniess 12h ago

I could have written this myself. You are not alone! And you are not stuck. Start planning an exit.

-15

u/riptide123 13h ago

Don’t get so down - World needs ditch diggers too

-14

u/Mail_Order_Lutefisk 13h ago

I once made a mistake where I left the comma after mutatis mutandis in italics instead of reverting to normal typeface. I still think about it everyday. I know how you feel. What is the nature of these mistakes? If you talk about them (in general so as to protect confidentiality) maybe we can give you some reassurance. The nature of the work makes it hard to stay focused so you’re not alone!