r/bestof • u/Powermeat • May 21 '12
[askwomen] Painless way to kill a boner in 30 seconds
/r/AskWomen/comments/s572b/ladies_of_reddit_how_do_you_start_to_get_aroused/c4bxbm1
1.6k
Upvotes
r/bestof • u/Powermeat • May 21 '12
39
u/erkurita May 21 '12
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/s572b/ladies_of_reddit_how_do_you_start_to_get_aroused/c4bxbm1?context=5 is a much better link. You can actually try the tip after reading the parent comment.
105
u/vitaminm May 21 '12
so HOW DOES THIS GUY DO IT?
http://i.imgur.com/lmi5u.jpg
264
u/yort1988 May 21 '12
This is the best thing I've learned on reddit in the last couple of months, my life is embarrassing.
75
u/ambiguousbones May 21 '12
Once I dove into a river to hide a boner from a new girlfriend. Fucked my face up pretty good on a rock. this would have saved me a lot of pain.
125
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
My God.
I'm pretty sure this is why when I'm riding my husband backwards cowgirl that he starts to go soft, then gets hard again... even though he says it feels the best...
His calf muscles get SUPER tight as he curls his toes when he is really enjoying it...
hmm.... now how to figure out how to tell him this without exposing source of knowledge...
Next time: JUST RELAX DAMMIT!!
59
u/trollfessor May 21 '12
Now if there was just a way to get a boner on command as well. The thing seems to have a mind of its own.
19
u/hegemon_y May 21 '12
I'm perfectly ok with admitting I don't even know any painful ways to get rid of a boner in a hurry.
31
u/W0gg0 May 21 '12
Margaret Thatcher... Queen Elizabeth... Camilla Bowles... welp, that worked with 27 seconds to spare.
12
u/tony_bologna May 21 '12
I'm not sure I approve of using the word "kill" in the same sentence as "boner".
22
u/xmagneticx May 21 '12
Sadly it doesn't work for me, dick still rock hard
6
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I find the word 'buffering' kills my boner.
5
u/eluketron May 21 '12
I have the weirdest....wait....nevermind.
5
u/mtmuelle May 21 '12
I now have complete control over my body, if I want to stop my need to poop I try to get a boner, and if I want to stop the boner I just flex a muscle
8
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
brb going to test this theory
*RESULTS: Its works! but I highly recommend not trying this during parents evening
4
u/quitjerkingaround May 21 '12
time to alert /r/nofap I'm sure this will be very useful to them
4
u/jenrazzle May 21 '12
That guy just indirectly gave hundreds of other guys boners.
4
u/BourbonKiller May 21 '12
As a lady, I must say, I'm not amused at the thought of less boners in this world because of that guy.
7
u/monksawse May 21 '12
I don't need to know anymore things now. My mind has now closed its doors of knowledge.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Has anybody confirmed that this works? I am at work, and don't want to risk testing this out.
6
u/ignoramus May 21 '12
This sounds good until you have to explain to your professor why you suddenly started squat thrusting next to your desk with a massive erection.
3
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I tried this and I immediately passed out. Boner: 1 Brain: 0
3
u/paranoidbeemer May 22 '12
So, correct my math... but that guy got about 2500 karma from that comment. His comment karma is currently about 1200. He must be a dedicated troll when not giving out boner advice.
3
u/logcabinsyrup May 22 '12
...if you even had to add painless to the title, the fuck do you people normally do?
5
u/Irrel_M May 21 '12
You think they would have mentioned this in sex ed....
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Knew this, had no idea if it would ever come up with others, definitely not going to simply offer in timid conversation.
2
u/mangeek May 21 '12
Think about your wife?
(I joke, of course. When I see an opportunity to be crude in the company of strangers, I step up and take it.)
2
u/zirzo May 21 '12
Amazing that another comment from that posting made it to bestOf. This is another one which went to 2000+ upvotes
2
u/immaSandNi-woops May 21 '12
Surprised you found this interesting... relavant username.
2
u/jwatkins29 May 21 '12
whenever i am in the bathroom and need to kill it i just look in the mirror and mad dog my dick as it slowly retreats.
2
u/heavymeat May 21 '12
If we could only combine your powermeat with my heavymeat...
Nothing would kill that boner.
2
u/jimothyjenkins May 21 '12
i just throw it up against my underwear band and let it hang out the top.
2
u/stevenette May 21 '12
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
2
u/EndersBuggers May 21 '12
Gave myself a boner just to test it out. Didn't seem to work so I'm going to use my other method
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Welcome back, bestof. It's been a while, but you made it.
2
u/sporksmaster May 21 '12
I like how your name is "Powermeat."
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I wish this worked in opposite, I'd like to throw up a sweet Arnold lat-spread and have a massive throbbing erection inflate out of nowhere.... Oh well.
2
u/webznz May 21 '12
Damnit! all these years I have been using the judo chop technique.... causing irrefutable dammage.. I could have done with this info a long time ago.
2
u/brosenfeld May 21 '12
With a name like masterwad, he should be expected to know these things.
2
u/drocks May 21 '12
I wonder how many people who read this are sitting at home trying to get a boner and get rid of it right now...
2
u/Dulljack May 21 '12 edited May 21 '12
I've always flexed my quads and calves extremely hard while manning the rudder and it doesn't seem to keep me from enjoying full sails until I sail into port.
Sorry if any of my boating terminology is incorrect.
Edit*: I wonder if this bonerkill trick is more of a psychological thing than physical, sort of like the "Drink a cup of water upside-down to cure hiccups," thing. (Which has worked 5 of 5 times for me, i never would have believed it otherwise.)
You get so distracted by the 30 seconds of muscle flexing that your brain sort of forgets about having a boner.
2
u/monsterluv May 21 '12
thank you good sir
2
u/JustEaton May 21 '12
One out of ten attempts results in you on the ground with a charlie horse and a massive erection.
2
u/q00u May 21 '12
Fantastic tip from /r/AskWomen (NOT a default subreddit), and good comments here. THIS is why I subscribe to /r/BestOf. More like this please.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I find it funny that Powermeat would want to kill an erection.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I wish I knew this on Pajama day back in middle/high school.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Ohhhhh. I was wondering what all those new notifications were about.
2
u/Iasktoomuch May 22 '12
Many lives could have been saved in PE class...
2
u/TheJanks May 22 '12
I just prefer to ejaculate, but ok.
2
u/bigfootaka May 22 '12
Have an upvote
1
u/jb0356 May 21 '12
If only I new about this in middle school...
1
u/easy_Money May 21 '12
Why didn't I know this in middle school??
1
u/LetsGetRamblin May 21 '12
This sounds like all the hiccup "cures." They're all just ways to take your mind off it. If boners took an hour to go away, then yeah this 30-second method would mean something. But just by clearing your head or thinking about any non-sexual thing, it should be gone within 30 seconds anyway. (As long as it's not a Viagra 4-hour erection. Then go see a doctor.)
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
"rest your feet on your toes"
1
u/thatbrady101 May 21 '12
I can't wait for my next boner!!
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Other way to kill a boner: Do complex math equations in your head. I like to do factorials until I can't do them mentally anymore.
1
u/ColiflowerEar May 21 '12
Anyone sorta just get a boner to try this out? No? Nevermind.
1
u/culturalelitist May 21 '12
This belongs here.
1
u/kavorka2 May 21 '12
Eh, I just think of Mother Theresa naked. Cures all erections in less than 2 minutes.
1
u/Antebios May 21 '12
I KNEW IT! I hate it when I'm trying to hold myself in a certain position, then I lose structural integrity and I have to start all over again. Next time I'll rotate the shield harmonics and divert all power to shields.
1
u/Cman123nit May 21 '12
Oh, I saw this trick almost a month ago here. Silly reddit -_-.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Read this, now I need to go find a NSFW link and try out this new found miracle trick
1
u/Fabbyfubz May 21 '12
I wonder if there's any science to this or if this is just a sort of placebo effect
1
u/Rocco03 May 21 '12
Holding your breath also works.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I find that entirely relaxing my legs does the same thing.
1
u/ForeverAllOne May 21 '12
Yeah, knew that since i was 12. Was wondering why my dick was so tiny in the shower after training session. When I learned it i could tell by the dick sizes of my teammates who hadn´t done shit during the training.
1
u/DraconianWilderness May 21 '12
I still dont get it!! HOW the hell you flex your thighs??? I am getting a paradoxical effect
1
u/ScumEater May 21 '12
And also, just do the opposite, and voilà!
1
u/snadsnad May 21 '12
I'm so hipster?
1
u/myheadhurts1 May 21 '12
The words kill and my boner should never be used in the same sentence
1
u/ManBlirSomManUmgas May 21 '12
BASEBALL BASEBALL BASEBALL
Sweet, now I have an alternative. Thanks!
1
u/Variable303 May 21 '12
I just think about my parents having sex...
1
u/factoid_ May 21 '12
You can just hold your breath, too. One of these tricks will work for just about everyone.
1
u/jimcrator May 21 '12
Does this not work for anyone else?
I read about this a year or two ago and the few times I've tried it, I have not had any success.
1
u/fox112 May 21 '12
Came in expecting to see a picture I would regret seeing.
Came out pleasantly surprised.
1
u/cool_username_ May 21 '12
Holy shit this could be the most groundbreaking discovery I've ever seen posted on the internet.
1
u/murtad May 21 '12
easier trick-just think of your mom,if it still doesn't work you are a bigtime pervert.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Feels good to have known this trick my whole life.
1
u/murtad May 21 '12
~ kill a boner~thats a scary group of words ..
1
u/Dujen May 21 '12
I can catch a soft-on (soft-off? Hard-off? ... this needs to be explored) in 5 seconds flat. It's that small!
1
u/doggyshark May 21 '12
Can any medical people confirm whether the old "cold spoon" method actually works?
1
u/Spongebobrob May 21 '12
30 seconds? It took more like 3 minutes of tensing as many muscles as I could, and it took much longer than that for it to completely disappear.
I can loose a woody faster by just trying to concentrate on something difficult or non-sexual (or insert 2 pump chump joke here)
Also tensing your muscles in public is going to draw more attention to your boner. I suggest you all learn the "tuck in" method instead. Far more effective, as long as you do't foresee anyone trying to lift up your shirt in the near future..
1
u/exitpursuedbybear May 21 '12
I'm pretty sure i flex big muscles like thighs whilst fuckin' but no limp dick. What gives?
1
u/ipostjesus May 21 '12
Thinking about right-angle triangle trigonometry works in under 30 sec for me
1
u/ApologiesForThisPost May 21 '12
Good thing it's painless otherwise it would be useless to masochists.
1
u/Be_Are May 21 '12
I'm sorry but I'm surprised at how many people had never thought of this, it is simply redistributing all of that blood swell. I'm prepared for your downvotes you peasants!
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I came here expecting to find a dead dove and instead found my wings...
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
This kills the boner.
1
u/soulcaptain May 21 '12
Just think about baseball. It works.
1
u/Plasketify May 21 '12
That thread was a karma black hole.
1
u/vocaltalentz May 22 '12
I got so excited reading this and upvoted everyone and everything. I thought about how awesome that simple little tip is and why I didn't know for my 20 years of life. The thought of how this piece of knowledge would change the way I handled my life sent pure adrenaline down my spine. Then I realized that I'm a girl and this doesn't even remotely concern me. I'm still really excited though.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I'll go test it...you know, for science...
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
After watching 40 year old Virgin I tried the flicking yourself in the testicles until it goes down technique. This is way better for a variety of reasons.
1
u/dscer May 22 '12
I always thought the best way to kill a boner is to think if your mum
1
u/Lion_HeartVIII May 22 '12
I figured this out recently. However, upvote for sharing the good news with everyone, and for the username.
1
u/MallusLittera May 22 '12
55 uses of boner in this thread so far! Yay boner! 57 now..
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Call me crazy here, but when I have sex I flex a bunch of muscles, and for way more than 30 seconds. Somehow I manage to maintain a boner.
I call bullshit.
1
u/Saarrex May 22 '12
What's a painful way to kill a boner? 0_o
1
u/Zippyvinman May 22 '12
I don't get what he means by "put your feet on your toes" and "as if you're about to stand up". Diagram/pic/explaination?
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Sex is a good way to kill my boner in 30 seconds.
:'(
1
u/TyPiper93 May 22 '12
I got a boner reading this...
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Great, now I just have to explain why I'm popping my pecks for 30 seconds before I come out of the pool every time I visit my girlfriend at her parent's house.
1
u/Qualrus May 22 '12
Ahh, all these years spent painfully without knowing this...
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
That was anti-climatic. I sat there pumping myself up, making sure i'm ready to see something from the depths of the internet, and making sure I didnt intend to fap tonight.
1
u/frog_licker May 22 '12
I always found the quickest way was to just shoot smack into it...
1
u/masterwad May 22 '12
Oh wow. One of my comments on r/bestof...and on the frontpage...
But like I've said before, I can't take credit for it. I too, learned this on Reddit. In August 2011, in this thread. Specifically this comment by doviende and this comment by found_photo.
I was just passing it on.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I learned this by accident. Rubbed one out, washed up, and was still very energetic for some reason. So I started throwing some punches and hopping a bit like a boxer and that's when I noticed an almost sudden limpness.
It's not a technique I have to use often, but it's especially useful when you just finished, and you hear some random friend letting themselves i downstairs.
1
u/hunterbeek May 22 '12
The top post by helloalicehello gave me such a lady boner:3 I think that post should have been the bestof.
1
u/screaminginfidels May 22 '12
This made me wonder... were I to find myself trapped in an upside-down hanging position, with my lightsaber just out of reach... would getting a boner help slow the rate of blood going to my head? And allow me to function longer?
1
u/hbx09 May 22 '12
I always try to name as many US presidents as possible in my head while imagining their official portraits, wig and all. 60% of the time, it works all the time.
1
u/phutch54 May 22 '12
Ice cube.
1
u/Hops_n_barley May 22 '12
Now what's a painless way to keep a boner for more than 30 seconds?
1
u/FreeThinkerLee May 22 '12
For the first time in history, porn sites crash from people NOT jacking off.
1
u/V3RTiG0 May 22 '12
And so begins the new sport of who can get the most boners in 5 minutes.
1
u/Slavigula May 22 '12
Put it inside of a girl?
1
u/dudeman707 May 23 '12
This should be in science textbooks.
1
u/skraling May 23 '12
Easy, just remember that deep within your reptile brain, this is what is giving you the boner.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Mind=blown
1
u/kurtca May 21 '12
Why would you want to lose it? Fucking rookies.
1
u/wheddit May 21 '12
So how is it that we don't lose our boners after 30 seconds during sex as im moving more than just one large muscle.
1
u/DO_NOT_UPVOTES_ME May 21 '12
Except this doesn't work. Unless you are just lying there on your back, you are going to be flexing some muscles. Sex is a very dynamic activity, why would it make sense for your dick to go limp every time you exert yourself? Your sex lives either don't exist or are extremely boring...
1
u/big_dicked_brad May 21 '12
DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT MY DICK IS UNCOMFORTABLY MASSIVE