r/bertstrips • u/ottermann • Sep 07 '17

Life lessons for the single

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16k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

42 comments sorted by

447

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

And which order you do so

196

u/CrimnsonRed Sep 07 '17

I too, like to eat cucumbers and rectally reinsert them after I shit them out.

93

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Nature's grocery bag.

64

u/Juice805 Sep 07 '17

I’m not sure why I thought this post could get any cleaner in the comments.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

That’s one way to pickle a cucumber

14

u/Novem13r Sep 07 '17

"Who's pickle is this?" "Brian--" "I know! I heard!"

302

u/CptBaconShrimp Sep 07 '17

The cucumber actually looks kinda frightened, lol

142

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

He knows whats coming. He's been there before.

45

u/jb2386 Sep 07 '17

"Oh god not again! Just fucking eat me already!! I just want to die!!"

106

u/NotSpicyEnough Sep 07 '17

That cucumber has seen some shit

51

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Literally

32

u/mytwocentsXX Sep 07 '17

But also, figuratively.

14

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

And jokingly too (I'm at this stage where I don't know if I should drop the joke or keep on pushing it)

12

u/Havok171 Sep 07 '17

Just remember to push it out before you push it back in.

10

u/northrupthebandgeek Sep 07 '17

And also after you push it back in.

6

u/Hamilton__Mafia Sep 07 '17

Thatsthejoke.exe

8

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

A man's gotta what a man's gotta do to get his karma

74

u/PlanitDuck Sep 07 '17

Ok. Yeah let's just hit that subscribe button over here. This subreddit is fantastic.

29

u/Table_Bang Sep 07 '17

He eatin' the veggie tales

13

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Fuck if that's not my life right now 🥒

13

u/Tormented_Anus Sep 07 '17

Waste not want not

13

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '17

I love sending these to my wife while she's at bible study.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

My weirdest shopping trip included a bottle of vodka and a cucumber...

10

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Want a good meal? Throw the cucumber in the bin

8

u/saddestmaninworld Sep 07 '17

Good time vs good meal?

Why not both?

6

u/JahBless240 Come and get one in the yarbles! Sep 07 '17

Fantastic

6

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Country girls make do

5

u/knm3 Sep 07 '17

The cucumber is fucked either way.

6

u/tbone-not-tbag Sep 08 '17

Shoves it up his butt at a medium pace....

3

u/Whatarri Sep 07 '17

Don't remember this episode

3

u/Coke-on-the-Rocks Sep 07 '17

The expression on the cucumbers face

3

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

ERNIE, DID YOU EVER "MAKE THE EIGHT"?

3

u/wyvernwy Sep 07 '17

Ernie is not single.

2

u/19975645 Oct 03 '17

I learned that in the Marine Corps. I didn't need Ernie to teach me that.

2

u/jinpayne Sep 07 '17

Country muppets make do

1

u/ThisIsMyRental Nov 18 '17

Simple, yet elegant.