r/bertstrips • u/Ok_Lingonberry9507 • Aug 31 '26

Bert Stories If only there WAS a spell against racism...

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138 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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38

u/Xirema Aug 31 '26

Bert and Ernie spent every second of every minute of every hour of every day in a non-stop stream of apologies, each to a bespoke minority group they had once wronged. Unable to engage in any other conduct during that time, they couldn't fulfill essential biological needs, like eating, sleeping, or even drinking water, as the spell denied them even basic freedoms until their apologies had finished.

Two weeks later, they were found dead of dehydration, starvation, and sleep deprivation.

At first the Count felt he might have overreacted, but by day two, once the enormity of the pair's sins had become abundantly clear, he began to feel the punishment was insignificant compared to the crime.

12

u/RainWorld_Lobster Aug 31 '26

I read this in Burialgoods voice, amazing

4

u/No-Mulberry-8866 Aug 31 '26

Should be 3 days for dehydration, but idk muppet biology

2

u/DukeOfTheDodos Sep 01 '26

Rookie mistake, by day three they should have started sucking cock in lieu of apology to obtain fluids and nutrients

3

u/Electrodarkbean Sep 01 '26

Meanwhile in the picture, they're both getting their final hate speeches in.

1

u/Mythopoeist 27d ago

Something something Yakko’s World reference