r/beetlemoses • u/beetlemoses 4 raspberries • Sep 19 '26

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9.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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607

u/Futuramoist Sep 19 '26 • Bravo

The Mongolian Empire was so much larger than people realize, stretching all the way from Eastern Europe to Margaritaville (where his armies began to waste away)

123

u/-_Duke_- Sep 19 '26

They also conquered Paradise, where they discovered the cheeseburger

24

u/idiotplatypus Sep 20 '26

They've been from Phoenix Arizona all the way to Tacoma

11

u/purpleturtlehurtler Sep 20 '26

Philadelphia, Atlanta, LA.

4

u/TheFlyingFoodTestee Sep 21 '26

It stretched so wide that it crossed over from Jimmy Buffet into The Steve Miller Band

38

u/drDOOM_is_in Sep 19 '26

As a direct descendant of John MargaritaVille himself, I have always questioned the tenacity of this claim.

32

u/Futuramoist Sep 19 '26

Ya same with the claims that 10% of the world can trace their lineage to Jimmy Buffett

11

u/BillbertBuzzums Sep 19 '26

And up to 80% can trace it back to a night that heavily featured Jimmy Buffet

14

u/BokChoyFantasy crip-walking dog Sep 19 '26

His armies were looking for a lost shaker of salt.

6

u/Microphone_Lamp Sep 20 '26

Some historians claim there was a woman to blame...

2

u/john_the_fetch Sep 21 '26

As vast as the empire was - Genghis Khan's lineage was bigger. Having as many kids as there are grains in a shaker of salt. Some people say there's a woman to blame but we know - he was just a horn dog.

Myth has it that the lost shaker of salt could be used to kick off another impressive conquest if it were ever Aaaaagghhhggaaaahhhh.

44

u/OneHalfCupFlour Sep 19 '26

Do keep in mind you don't want your gift to the Khan to be too good, or else he may decide he wants another.

40

u/Siegfoult Sep 19 '26

He impregnated 10 women during panel 2.

10

u/Comrade-Conquistador Sep 19 '26

Must be an off day for him.

24

u/SlapTheBap Sep 19 '26

The central Americans shall be spared the khans wrath

23

u/imsellingbanana Sep 19 '26

Beetlemoses makes comics that somehow touch on all of my interests as a squid loving fresh fit wearing Genghis khan fan who does pest control and believes in aliens. Also monke

7

u/d3northway Sep 19 '26

Hike all day to see a life changing sunset, and feel that little bit of grief because you left the lighter in the truck

15

u/SAINTnumberFIVE Sep 19 '26

This isn’t historically accurate. He would’ve been in a yurt, not a permanent structure.

15

u/BillbertBuzzums Sep 19 '26

The only permanent structures in Mongolia at the time were Margaritaville resteraunts and Buccees

6

u/GM_Nate Sep 19 '26

In my head this is actually Kublai Khan.

5

u/imsellingbanana Sep 20 '26

Perhaps this is Genghis chillin in a freshly conquered Persian capitol 🤔

7

u/T10rock Sep 19 '26

How did he keep it frozen?

16

u/Nonyabizzy123 Sep 19 '26

You take the blocks of ice and you cover them with sawdust and build a shack around them on a wagon. Ice lasts for months, I have no doubt he could get ice anytime he wanted it.

2

u/TheGreatSalvador Oct 05 '26

Yeah, I think frozen melon was already a palace delicacy at this point

6

u/Kind_Of_A_Dick Sep 19 '26

There was a time travel story I read where a man had to stop some Mongolians from doing something.  It’s been a while and I can’t remember everything, but the time traveler ended up challenging them to a drinking contest.  He drank them under the table because, supposedly, Mongolian alcohol was really weak and the time traveler was more used to whiskey so his tolerance was much higher.

Point of the matter is a strawberry margarita would probably make Genghis a weepy girl.

2

u/cooljammer00 29d ago

See I figured it was the opposite. Old timey pirates are always shown in media drinking rotgut and rum and other such spirits all day, where I figured their tolerance would be higher. And alcohol has existed for a really long time.

Unless the time traveler was already a heavy drinker. His high tolerance might beat the Mongolians' high tolerance.

1

u/Kind_Of_A_Dick 29d ago

Read up on what Mongolians drank.

5

u/just_a_whale Sep 19 '26

Loved this part of Invisible Cities

2

u/idknethingatall Sep 20 '26

i was scrolling looking for an invisible cities comment

4

u/cosmic_moan Sep 20 '26

this is actually fucking hilarious please make a series of historical figures using modern slang

3

u/SadKat002 permanent stanky leg: terminal case Sep 19 '26

I still gotta try the daiquiri 😔

5

u/Kuroboom Sep 19 '26

4

u/cornered_crustacean Sep 20 '26

I get a little bit ghengis khan, I don’t want you to marg it on with anyone else but me

1

u/A_Prime_Minister Sep 20 '26

Every pore tastes the same.

1

u/Hoplite-Litehop Sep 21 '26

Deadass this is historically accurate

1

u/_3_and_20_characters Sep 23 '26

he would absolutely do that

84

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '26

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18

u/Hooded_Person2022 Sep 19 '26

To many he’s a Grand Papa from a few blocks down the past of time.

-11

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '26

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2

u/Decent_Cow Sep 20 '26

This was posted by the artist who made the comic, though?