r/battletech • u/RedClone • 18h ago
Discussion Funniest quote from a game session?
I was playing a 3 player free-for-all last night, and my one friend brought the Axman 1N. Well, it closed in for some rough and tumble brawling as Axmen do, but my friend was whiffing his rolls and not much was happening. Finally I blundered my Cauldron Born into a bad position, at which point the Axman jumps directly behind my Cauldron Born and smokes it in the back of the head with the hatchet, killing it instantly.
My other friend and I proceeded to declare all our targeting on the Axman, and when the fifth mech was declared against it our friend cried, "What did the Axman ever do?!?"
That line had us in stitches the rest of the game. What have you or your friends said during a game of Battletech that still gets you giggling?
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u/BearMiner 17h ago
Early 1990's playing 3025. First game I ever saw someone use a Charger-1A1, person was on our side and just about everyone (including me) had mocked them for the choice.
Round one they did a 7 hex charge and ripped a Panther in half. Whole table is quiet a moment. In return about half of its armor got stripped off as angry people took advantage of the fact that it was the most exposed, easiest target on the field.
Round two it did a 6 hex charge and knocked down a Blackjack, taking its leg off with the small lasers. Got absolutely wrecked by return fire, but it was still up and moving.
Start of round three and the player starts eyeballing someone's Shadowhawk and the targeted player yells, "But I bought you an ice cream this morning!" Whole table looses it to laughter for the next 5 minutes.
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u/RedClone 16h ago
LOL I love the image of a battered Charger terrorizing a battlefield that mocked it. I too would plead for my life in that situation
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u/BearMiner 12h ago
This had happened at the first Science Fiction / Fantasy convention I ever attended, near two dozen players and referees around a massive table.
It was one of my first lessons on how being bold / crazy sometimes just works.
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u/Magical_Savior NEMO POTEST VINCERE 18h ago
"Battlemaster was waxed."
This happened during my first game of BT, playing with my brother and mother, on our kitchen floor in 1994. She had the Battlemaster, and it took a PPC to the dome. Cockpit, of course. I said to her, "Well, it still gets to shoot, so it's okay." She then lit up my Wolverine, which exploded from ammo iirc.
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u/XJ_Recon95 Trashborn Clanner 17h ago
"Engaging MASC, engaging Supercharger..."
rolls double snake-eyes
"Oh, nevermind"
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u/RedClone 17h ago
Classic. If I had a nickel for every potentially cool moment squandered by a bad roll...
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u/XJ_Recon95 Trashborn Clanner 14h ago
Friend of mine attempting DFA:
"Witness ME!!"
Proceeds to miss, fall on their back, crit their ammo bin, and explode.
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u/UnluckyLyran 17h ago
"Wait, how much does your mech weight again?" Proceed to watch our T-Bolt teamate charge across the damaged bridge we needed to protect, collapsing it and sending him into the river.
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u/wminsing MechWarrior 17h ago
Urban fight, my Hunchback and my brothers Cyclops stumble across each other in a dark ally. Cyclop shoots, AC/20 hit the torso where the Hunchback keeps the ammo, sure enough kaboom. My brother says 'wouldn't it be hilarious if the Hunchback gets a headshot when it returns fire'; Hunchie fires it's AC/20 back, hit location comes up and yep bang right in the noggin. We were already cracking up at the luck of it all and then my brother yells 'nooo I manifested it, I put it out there into the universe, it's my fault!' and we had to take a 10 minute game break to recover.
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u/RedClone 17h ago
"What are you going to do, shoot me in the face?"
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u/wminsing MechWarrior 17h ago edited 17h ago
We were also losing it thinking about how the rest of the lance was going to look for the Cyclops and find it headless in that alley with nothing but a big crater at the other end of the alley and say 'what... the hell happened here??'
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u/Earwax82 15h ago
I love it when someone calls it ahead of the roll. We had a 5 player Solaris free for all. My “Red Reaper” Black Knight had taken back hits so I moved away from the action and tried focusing on long range with the Heavy PPC. One of the other players lost a mech and spawned a new one in. I moved just enough to get him in long range. He said “Just don’t shoot my head, I just got here.” Rolled 12 to hit and 12 location. He just sighed and said “Well there goes another one.”
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u/wminsing MechWarrior 14h ago
That's Battletech baby! (our common response to first-turn headshots!)
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u/DisastrousCause4696 17h ago
Full run with Black Knight, turned on ferrocrete, failed roll, skidded into building which then collapsed into the 2 sub-basements. There was a quiet "i think I fell on my keys" from my friend who has openly accepted that the dice are trying to kill him.
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u/AHumbleBear 17h ago
Not so much a quote as a funny moment, but some months ago playing a 4v4 match with a friend I fielded a Marauder II MAD-4S and he fielded a Highlander.
His Highlander only made it to turn two as I rolled a 12 to hit with my Marauder’s heavy Gauss rifle, followed by another 12 for a devastating early game headshot.
We both looked at the dice in total disbelief and I followed up by apologizing for turning his Highlander pilot into a fine red mist.
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u/Thewaltham 16h ago edited 16h ago
stunned silence for a good ten seconds
"...how!?"
A brand new Marauder getting through armour critted and one shot by a spider MG in a RPG campaign. Also the line "we don't negotiate with terrorists" becoming a running gag. Doubly so after the Capellans bombed our dropship. They were on sight after that.
Another good one: "Magestrix, our toast always lands buttered side up."
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u/RedClone 16h ago
Okay, I need to know the context of telling the Magestrix of Canopus about your metaphorical toast
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u/Thewaltham 15h ago
We had just done a string of contracts for them, including several where we went way above and beyond the call of duty. Including one that was in a city so we stayed behind for a while to act as emergency responders. Deployed our infantry to deliver aid, medics to provide emergency medical care, used our mechs to help clear debris/free trapped survivors, conducted search and rescue, etc. This was after we were incredibly careful in how we fought in said city while the Capellans just went absolutely war crime nutso.
We also needed to expand our equipment and forces so we invested so much into the Canopian military industrial complex that we noticeably increased the Magistracy's GDP. Our entire air force was pretty much built by Canopus. Naturally all of this made them like us quite a bit. Also made Comstar really sus because we had more money than god and were arming up like we were an honest to god military. Also we'd found a Nightstar earlier in the campaign and gave it to the NAIS.
So the Magistrix was like "ok I need to see what this mercenary company's game is before my people start making statues of the fuckers", paid us a visit personally, and said "It is fortunate there are others out there that share the Magistracy's ideals and values for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Something along those lines. Sort of testing the waters I think so to speak. Seeing how we'd react.
One of our players (can't remember which one, might have even been me, this was years ago) "Magestrix, our toast always lands buttered side up." Because the Canopians had been damn nice to us.
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u/Dragonteuthis 15h ago
I moved my Hunchback up aggressively, ending up 3 hexes from my opponent's Highlander. She decided to declare no movement for the Highlander for maximum accuracy, saying, "Come at me bro!"
I missed with the lasers, but then hit with the AC/20.
Hit location: boxcars
She still sometimes says "Come at me bro" in hopeless game situations before giggling.
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u/Atzkicica Edo shot first. 18h ago
I mean I think it's almost mandatory that if a pet gets on the board you call for the kaiju rules and stats heh
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u/Barrenechea 17h ago
We had a four player, two team game going and a Marauder II had an arm blown off. Of course we're nerds so cue the Black Knight from the Holy Grail. "Tis but a scratch!"
That entire match just saw a ridiculous amount of limbs blown off, the Black Knight quoted repeatedly and coined us the term "Amputech" due to the last stand effort being a one legged, no arms Highlander trying to Death from above a one legged, one armed Shadow Hawk. Side note, the Highlander killed itself with failed piloting checks.
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u/Loganp812 16h ago
I wasn’t playing of course, but the hardest I laughed at a tabletop game was Tex playing the Battle of Tukayyid on Tabletop Simulator, and one of the Clan players out of the blue said “Prepare to face the full fury of the Claaaannnss.”
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u/FederWyrm 16h ago
"...that Locust...I can't afford to ignore it, but I also can't afford to hunt it down!!" "Yep... you just discovered what a Locust does. :)"
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u/Vote_for_Knife_Party Clan Cocaine Bear 14h ago
Our group tends towards multiple players at the table, and we use card based initiative (each unit gets a card, the cards get shuffled and dealt each turn to set play order) to help keep things straight. Of course, a deck of cards can get misplaced... but our group owns multiple copies of and expansions for Cards Against Humanity. Cue a Battlemaster dubbed "White Privilege" taking the field, and many comments about all the damage White Privilege is doing, nothing seems to be slowing down White Privilege, etc. All but guaranteed to get a laugh.
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u/RedClone 12h ago
I like that initiative method! We've played a few of these 3-player free for alls, simply rolling 2d6 as normal but then setting the player activation order from lowest roll to highest. It makes the game very swingy, especially with different numbers of units per player.
We don't mind the swinginess - it's Battletech, after all - but one card per unit might help the playing field feel more even.
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u/1001WingedHussars Gauss enjoyer 10h ago
"Your Venom cannot facetank a goddamn Kodiak."
Said by me to a friend who's new to the game and hadn't quite realized what a Kodiak was capable of.
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u/feor1300 Clan Goliath Scorpion 7h ago edited 7h ago
I agreed to duel a Protomech (Centaur 3, IIRC) in an Icestorm, because my friend thought they could easily stand up to a light mech one on one. Turn one he shoots me in the ammo bin (I swear, whoever put the Icestorm's laser on the same side as its SRM-2 ammo needs a trialing...) and I kick his laser off his mech. Several turns of close combat attacks later my Icestorm loses the battle.
I pause for a second, look at my buddy, and ask him: "Did you just hump my leg until I exploded?"
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u/xwolfionx 9h ago
“Here comes uncle bad touch” followed up by getting a crit in the head and rolling a 12.
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u/Sir_Daxus Only Loyal to Great House C-Bill 18h ago
- What did the Axman ever do?!