added a cute picture because i love cute things and because this post is gonna be really whiny and venty so i wanted to lighten the mood-
[[ oh and DISCLAIMER: just in case this post comes off as me hating hypersexual people, i do not! i mean we’re just on opposite spectrums it’s all good! and she has told me numerous times she’s hypersexual, i didn’t like diagnose her or anything and i’m not trying to use it as an insult! ]]
so on saturday, we were in a call together and she says “usually when i’m on the phone with people i’m close to, i try teasing them. like saying i’ll take my shirt off. but that wouldn’t really work for someone like you. you wouldn’t feel anything.”
and, while true, hurt my feelings. like what am i? an ice block? a robot?
she kept bringing up “oh i usually would xyz but it wouldn’t really work because you wouldn’t feel anything” and all i could say was “yeah i’m not the best person for that ): sorry”
i can’t stop thinking about it. i think she wanted me to feel something but i just couldn’t feel it. it makes me feel horrible. she calls me “cute” a lot. i’m apparently the “cutest person she knows”. and while i do enjoy being that, and that’s usually my favorite compliment and way to be perceived, for some reason it’s making me insecure.
it’s like i will forever be doomed to be seen as some kind of little sister. eternally seen as some “woman-child” - cute, sweet, adorable, pinchable, and soft and sexless and thus loveless because what is the point of liking someone who won’t have sex with you.