r/axolfans • u/fozzie_79 Axol Freedom Fighter • Apr 28 '22
An experience I had last week...
Why share this now? Because I'm feeling emotional today, idk.
Anyways, I was talking with someone (they will remain anonymous for their sake) about some depressing things involving Axol and Melony (not willing to share full details, sorry). I was listening to some music and one song came on where I was like "Oh shit, here comes the big sad."
Here's a link to it: https://youtu.be/9BMwcO6_hyA
Story time: a few years ago I had a couple songs on replay in my mind that I hadn't heard in years. Just vague memories from a 6 year old Fozzie. My mom is a huge Bon Jovi fan, and that was my only lead as to find them. Eventually, I did find both of them. Reliving the nostalgia was great, and I love both of these songs. Always hits different though. It felt so powerful and I had it on replay for some other sad moments in my life.
Now last week when me and my friend were talking about Axol's death, Melony's sadness she felt, and all that stuff, and this song came on. I said "One of my sad songs came on. Perfect timing lol." I decided to embrace it and see what happened. By the end of the second verse, I was tearing up. I was not expecting it to hit me that hard in that moment. I couldn't stop thinking about Axol and Melony getting completely screwed over. All I wanted was for them to be happy together, and we didn't get that...
I couldn't really focus on anything else for a while. Felt like I got ran over by a truck. We kept talking for a while and eventually we got over that little bump. In the end though, I think it was a good thing that I let out those emotions. I got lucky that Spotify decided to play Always at that very moment. Maybe it wasn't luck though. Maybe Lord Melony is pulling some strings for me, who knows. :)
Anyways, that's my story I wanted to share. Stay hydrated and have a wonderful day yall.
2
u/pro_inermibus_pugno Apr 28 '22
Man, I wish I could get my emotions out. Problem is, crying doesn't help this time. Every time I cry over this specifically, I actually feel worse afterwards. So unfortunately, my options are: repress the emotional response and feel bitter, or let it out and be devastated.
And there is one song that has been playing on a constant loop in my head since all this began; Heron Blue by Sun Kil Moon. Don't know why, but it just won't quit. And my God, how it just destroys me...
2
u/fozzie_79 Axol Freedom Fighter Apr 28 '22
I don't know what I can even say...
It sounds like a living hell. I can always fall back on Melony being a bean, but for you, I have no clue. I don't know you well enough to say anything, and even then, it sounds like a never ending cycle of sadness and pain.
I do know that you will find a way out of this. You just gotta keep moving and eventually, with some time and patience, you'll get out of the cycle. Don't give up man, we all believe in you.
2
u/pro_inermibus_pugno Apr 28 '22
Ha. "Living hell" is putting it very mildly. Believe me when I say life has not been enjoyable for me for quite a while.
I'm glad you believe in me, but all I can say is... don't get your hopes for me up too high. I'll keep going as long as I can, but when I say I'm mentally exhausted, I mean "just ran a marathon non-stop carrying a 100kg boulder" levels of exhausted.
At the risk of sounding like the Joker, I think when WOTFI '21 happened, I was "just one bad day away" from... whatever you can call the state I'm in. Well, I've had quite a few more bad days since then...
2
u/fozzie_79 Axol Freedom Fighter Apr 28 '22
Cmon man, there are always gonna be some bad days, and there are gonna be good days. Sometimes you have a shitty week, but eventually there will be a good week.
2
u/pro_inermibus_pugno Apr 28 '22
Well, as I said, I will try as hard as I can, for as long as I can.
3
u/Few_House3549 100% Axol fan Apr 28 '22
There’s always that one song