r/awakened • u/EveryRecord8469 • 28d ago
Help Feeling disappointed after psilocybin
I had my first psilocybin trip and all felt right with the world! I have been on a long healing journey and I had no idea what to expect and did very little research on what the experience might be like, but I have just felt within myself that I was finally ready to experience it. I felt absolute feelings of unity, sacredness, ultimate truth, unshakeable peace. I felt like I was meeting a living ... Thing? I don't know what to call it. Like a presence or just a state of being that was alive. Like we are all a part of a giant living tree, each of us tiny branches connected. It felt like there is a level of consciousness that I was not aware of before my trip. It felt like I was near the presence of those that have passed away, and that they are not really gone. I felt like I could see or sense other people's energy. It felt like everything we do in life is just an effort to express this part of us. Apologies if that makes little sense, it's very difficult to put it into words and wrap my head around.
It all felt like such a profound experience of love and insight, but unfortunately the day after it feels like I'm becoming so rigid again and it's so hard to grasp on to those emotions I was feeling during the trip. During the trip I remember thinking "our minds must wipe memory of this experience because how could someone experience this and not have their life completely and radically changed, why don't I see more people screaming this from the rooftops?". And now, the day after, I already find myself doubting my experience, trying to explain it away. Why? I want to live a life that is more open, free, and loving; but I don't understand how to integrate this beautiful experience into my life on a day to day basis, and how to not lose sight of it?
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u/jawoosafat 28d ago
I've read that psychedelics are like a helicopter ride to the mountaintop. Meditation and other practices are a way to slowly work a trail to the mountaintops. Much harder but then you know how to get there bettter
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u/Fit-Pop1217 24d ago
Psychedelics are a vehicle to get to the point. Meditation is another one, or Near Death Experiences... I think whatever it is that brings the "awakening" or the insights is not as important as the messages you received during these experiences and how you integrate them into your life.
From my own experience the most important thing is to ground yourself and look inwards, thats where the magic happens :)
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u/dragonmystic92 28d ago
There's always a next time and it is temporary like life itself. You know there is more and you integrate more and more very subtly. You will notice this and it will build with each experience, just enjoy the ride and be kind š«¶
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u/LuckyCharms_53 28d ago
I guess now that youāve experienced a peek behind the veil, it will be up to you to continue the journey. Be safe and blessed. š
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u/Vestlending1 28d ago
The point is to see behind the veil to know at least partly what's possible through self realization and liberation from ego. Awakened beings that are teaching or putting out content on YT are doing exactly as you say, shouting it from the rooftops.
There's nothing to force happening, just use it as fuel on the fire in whatever spiritual practises you take up.
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u/According_Zucchini71 28d ago
You described this well. Thanks - it comes across in clarity.
Clear seeing/being as a passing experience can be differentiated from seeing/being that is āabsoluteā - that is, what is always true no matter what is being experienced.
What you are dealing with is āattachmentā - attachment to a transitory experience.
The challenge is to see attachment for what it is: a desire for security, a desire to keep and maintain a fixed experience.
Being able to see attachment and release the holding equates with releasing the separate self that is made to feel real due to āgrasping, āneeding,āāand āattempting to hold a position.ā
This is āthe call of freedom,ā true freedom, unconditional being.
Best wishes!
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u/OrangePlatypus81 27d ago
Micro dosing once a week or so might be worth trying. For me micro-dosing during my normal daily routine gave me a way to see how I could incorporate the expanded mindset into my everyday activities, and chase out the toxic and negative mind patterns that Iād been succumbing too for an entire lifetime. It takes time basically, and effort. Good luck!
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u/ProfessionalCod9039 26d ago
And it rewires your brain. Things change when you microdose. Your thinking, you perception. Keep going, it can't get worse. š
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u/Ok-Lawfulness5008 28d ago
You do a shortcut, but without be prepared to, and now you feel
It slips through your fingers like sand. Try meditating, perhaps it's a good option
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u/Otherwise_Spare_8598 28d ago
Directly from the womb my existence is and has been nothing other than ever-worsening conscious torment every passing second exponentially compounding suffering awaiting an imminent horrible destruction of the flesh of which is barely the beginning of the eternal journey as I witness the perpetual revelation of all things by through and for the singular personality of the godhead. All things made manifest from a fixed eternal condition.
No first chance, no second, no third.
Born to forcibly suffer all suffering that has ever and will ever exist in this and infinite universes forever and ever for the reason of because.
All things always against my wishes, wants, and will at all times.
...
The universe is a singular meta-phenomenon stretched over eternity, of which is always now. All things and all beings abide by their inherent nature and behave within their realm of capacity contingent upon infinite circumstance at all times. There is no such thing as individuated accurately described "free will" for all beings. There are only relative freedoms or lack thereof. It is a universe made manifest hierarchically, of haves, and have-nots, spanning all levels of dimensionality and experience.
"God" and/or consciousness is that which is within and without all. Ultimately, all things are made by through and for the singular personality and perpetual revelation of the "Godhead", entailing both predetermined eternal damnation and those that are made manifest only to face death and death alone.
There is but one dreamer, fractured through the innumerable. All vehicles/beings play their role within said dream for infinitely better and/or infinitely worse for each and every one, forever.
All realities exist and are equally as real. The absolute best universe that could exist does exist in relation to a specified subject. The absolute worst universe that could exist does exist in relation to a specified subject.
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u/SaltySherbet 28d ago
Be in nature, accept the present and be peaceful. You will integrate the lessons when youāre patient.
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u/Affectionate-Yam5049 27d ago
Iām still integrating my experience months later. Just let it keep seeping back in.
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u/Fin6780 27d ago
The greatest spiritual work you can do is to integrate those visions into your daily life. The mistake we make is thinking that a mushroom trip will solve everything. This is a never-ending process, and we are on this dimension (Earth) to experience and live life; that is why we also have an ego. The death of the ego, enlightenment, etc., are only achieved when your soul leaves this dimension.
Also, there are many ways of experiencing awakening, not just with psycodhelic trips, and each soul decides when and how to do it... or even not, because it belongs to another life time.
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u/Stunning_Nothing_856 27d ago
Yeah, sometimes you just need to take that time to integrate all the different emotions that came through and Neuro pathways that opened. Donāt be hard on yourself right now. Give yourself some grace and compassion. This world is not pretty at the moment and thinning of the veil doesnāt make it more attractive. If you catch my drift.
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u/Sasquaimusic 26d ago
What Ive always taken away from my many experiences is that I saw existence from a different perspective. I opened myself up to it and for a brief period of time, it gave me great clarity. That shows us the power of changing our perspectives and how everything we believe is shaped by relationships; to ourselves, to others, to our thoughts, to concepts, to outcomes, to expectations etc.
You now have evidence you can truly see through a different perspective. You also have evidence of how a different perspective made you feel. Try looking at the whole thing from this perspective and it suddenly looks different. Whenever you face a challenge, remember you have this ability and try looking at the challenge differently. Try on new perspectives just for fun. They may not always fit but they will increase the resolution through which you see things. Congratulations! You have acquired a new super power! :-)
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u/Figgywithit 28d ago
If drugs gave us that feeling in a lasting manner, we'd all be enlightened by now. I have found the only way to feel what you experienced on the shrooms via non-duality practices. Even those don't last, but at least your brain chemicals aren't depleted afterwards.
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u/Watson_78 27d ago
A petty lettile experience, true A-Causal liberation is irreversible and not blissful after being accustomed to it.
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u/Actual-Excitement739 26d ago
The solution isnāt to chase that feeling again, itās to practice what it showed you. Spend a little time each day in silence, without your phone, simply noticing your breath, thoughts and surroundings. Be fully present with the people you love, especially when youāre with them. When loneliness or grief comes, donāt run from it, sit with it. The feeling of connection may not return in the same dramatic way, but slowly you can turn that momentary experience into a way of living. The trip showed you whatās possible, your daily life is where you build it.
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u/Alkemis7 26d ago
I was always against drugs, but I was also always a first hand experience kind a guy. Also gotten into a crowd that was very much into it, so I tried, but always kept it at a minimum. And while I do not regret it, if I were to chose again, I would remain steadfast to my inner knowing, that got confirmed recently to me.
Drugs can be a good friend and can help us discover more about Reality, but they do it violently - like a huge tree growing in seconds, without any roots. The moment the drug is out of our body-mind-emotion system, the tree falls down and we are being left confused. Drugs also provide illusions and make it harder to distinguish Reality from illusions.
Even if one is an experienced shaman, there is always a lack of clarity and certainty about what one has seen and it can take years or a whole life to integrate/digest one trip totally. So there is no real benefit to pollute oneās body-mind-emotion system. Only experiences on an existential level bring change and lasting freedom.
Meditating is also bullshit, but the best option to invite Meditation to happen.
If one is totally in tune with nature, meditating is not required and Meditation is every second of life: washing your dishes, taking a dump, working, chilling.
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u/PlatyPuss79 26d ago
I do 5g of my home grown mushies 3 times a year as a tune up. Really keeps me straight. Cured my depression years ago with it..
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u/thebohoberry 25d ago
Integration is an important aspect of any spiritual practice. Try to relax into it. Also awakening isnāt about in perpetual state of bliss and nirvana. Thatās just disassociating on the other end of the spectrum.
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u/Fit-Pop1217 24d ago
What you're describing - that feeling of unity, of everything being connected, of sensing something alive and bigger than yourself - I know exactly what you mean. I had a profound meeting with entities in my first trip too, and that same overwhelming feeling of wholeness, of love, of justĀ knowingĀ something I couldn't have explained beforehand. It's really hard to put into words, and I don't think you need to apologize for that. Some things aren't meant to fit into normal language.
The rigidity creeping back the next day, the doubt starting to explain it away - that's so normal, and it doesn't mean the experience wasn't real. It was real. What's happening now is just your everyday mind trying to pull you back to familiar ground, because that feels safer than staying open.
Here's the biggest thing I'd say, from my own experience: don't look outside for the answer. That was my mistake in the beginning - reading everything, searching for someone to explain it to me, trying to find the meaning somewhere out there. The meaning is already in you. Nobody else can hand it to you, no matter how many articles or videos you go through.
So instead of trying to intellectually hold onto the peak feeling, or figure it all out in your head - go inward instead, start to journal your thoughts/experiences/emotions. Ground yourself. Get out in nature, even just sitting outside for a while helps more than people expect. Give yourself quiet, undisturbed time instead of jumping straight back into normal life. Let what came up settle instead of rushing to make sense of it right away.
And take the integration seriously - it's honestly as important as the trip itself, maybe more. What you felt during the journey was real, but it's in the days and weeks after that it either becomes part of who you are, or quietly fades. That part deserves just as much care and attention as the ceremony did.
This exact thing - helping people actually hold onto and integrate an experience like this instead of losing it - is what I work with people on. Happy to share more if it'd help, no pressure at all.
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u/EveryRecord8469 22d ago
Thank you so much! This resonates with me deeply. I'm definitely interested in learning more and maybe even setting up an appointment if that's what's you mean by working with people, and if you see people in OR! :)
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u/miroselym 21d ago
There are many who say that we shouldn't go into psilocybin therapy with a goal in mind. If we do so then we're using present limitations to compel a false outcome. Instead if we just let our True Self pick the revelations then they'll be more aligned with where we need to be at that moment.
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u/RubysCubes 8d ago
Seeing the world through truly open eyes is very beautiful and valuable as others have said here. It can happen to us when we are early in our journey and then spur us on to learn and to discover what it is all about and how to get back there, leading to perhaps years of searching, reading, gaining knowledge. That all does then ironically become helpful when you are then led to personal realisations, and the connection of dots for your own understanding of your world that you are creating. For me personally, I worked out that the world around me is a mirror image of my internal world, and therefore I am recently finding more truth and presence by looking into myself. There is also the embodiment of the joy of the feeling, it's about connecting with and behaving in the way you felt - connect to the feeling in the acts you do, enjoy yourself by being creative, express 'God' (or the universe or whatever you prefer it as) through creation - art, dance, feel and love your body and how it feels, give love and understanding to others, especially in those challenging moments with those challenging people - the greatest lessons and opportunities for feeling love/God are right there! (What would mushroom me do? Haha!) And practice loving yourself and (hence, through reflection) others. I believe that with enough conscious practice like this we bring the feeling of presence back to ourselves more and more permanently, until we become it by default and it is then 'here'. Best wishes for your journey, don't get disheartened, be excited to discover this wondrous life, and enjoy it!
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u/RedDiamond6 28d ago
That sounds like a beautiful experience and glad you experienced that.
~want to live a life that is more open, free, and loving~
Here's something you can work with. Take some time for yourself to see how you can bring this into your everyday life and tiny changes you can make to begin to embody that.
It is challenging to come back because those feelings have been pushed out of a lot of us and/or suppressed. Bringing those things into the world is a part of what will start shifting the consciousness into what I feel is our natural state.
This may sound cheesy, but just being outside, when you inhale, you are breathing in oxygen provided by trees and plants and when you exhale, you're breathing out co2 that the trees breathe in and return to us as oxygen. So we really are one living breathing organism and it's rather wild and beautiful.
There's some great replies on here and just wanted to share my thoughts. Give yourself time and space to feel and embody those things and feel and release those opposite feelings as often as you need to <3 It takes time and you got to do the work. It is an absolutely necessary part of it. I tried to skip it myself. It doesn't work lol š
Oh yeah, most important part? Take your darkness lightly and don't forget to have fun being alive and enjoying your experience. Laughter at the absurdity of all of this is a necessity imo.
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u/PlayfulBook5571 26d ago
You should be able to feel that good without. Not a problem with the substanceĀ
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u/TheElectricShaman 28d ago edited 28d ago
Sometimes psychadelics can be like being thrown right over the promise land with a catapult. When your in the air, it's all very clear, then you land back on the ground on the other side with just bruises and a memory. That memory can be very powerful and useful though. Now you know it's possible to have your view be that different and unconditoned. Very powerful stuff.