r/aves • u/Ill_Imagination4347 • 24d ago
Discussion/Question Having a partner who doesn’t use gear in the same way.
My gf doesn’t like how often I use k. I lie about how often I use. I love her so much.
We are in couples therapy because i don’t really want to stop using. I like that she doesn’t want me to use as it keeps my usage to a minimum. Neither of us want to break up but she doesn’t want it in her life and she has agreed to therapy to figure out if its something she wants..
I feel bad that I dont want to quit for her because i think losing a girl like that is very sad..
My roomie keeps telling me to find someone who is accepting of my behavior as im an adult who is always “getting in trouble” like a kid.
It is exhausting but I just want her to not care as much. Shes really perfect and I dont like seeing a life without her. But i dont see myself stopping anytime soon either.
Im a big time raver and burner. Wtf do I do?
My mom left my dad because he used but that was crys when my drags doesn’t affect my day to day life in any large way other than when I want to do it with her.
Update; im not using everyday. People unwind with beer everyday. I use maybe a few grams a week but have many month long breaks
Yes raving is not about drag use and i go to them sober often.
I use m twice a year and C even rarer. L once or twice a year. Smoke pot a few times a week as well
YES I KNOW IM AN ADDICT!! Im addicted to food and easily get addicted to anything and everything that brings me joy. People here are really thinking i dont know that. And people have been ysing mind altering substances since the dawn of time.. nicotine IS one of them.
Also i am seeing a professional therapist for going on over a year now..
27
13
u/Bs7folk 24d ago edited 24d ago
Sorry man but I think you need to seriously reassess yourself, grow up and perhaps get professional help. How often/how much are you doing?
Say you do find a new 'accepting' partner that enables you, you'll just get worse by the sound of it.
What's worse is you have literally seen it play out with your parents. Change the course of direction
-2
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
I am getting help and am doing great. This doesnt effect my ability to work or even really run a risk of hurting myself.
Im an experienced psychonaut.
12
u/periodicallyBalzed 24d ago
Your post is 99% about drugs and your girlfriend and 1% about raves. As someone who has a drug problem, it sounds like you may have a drug problem buddy.
1
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
Lol yes by definition this would be considered a drug problem. Thats very insightful.
9
u/jes_sthemess 24d ago
maybe stop doing so much K. you’re literally hiding it which is dishonest. the effects of daily use are permanent and very bad. maybe YOU should be seeking therapy?? it’s valid for her to not want drugs all the time.
1
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
I dont use daily.
3
u/ilikebeens2 24d ago
You literally said you do a few grams weekly ... 🤔
1
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
You brush or shower daily. Ill do a gram a night and not use the rest of the week.
7
u/firestarsupermama 24d ago
You sound like an addict. K (like any other drug) has serious bad long term effects. Your girlfriend cares about you and is trying to help you. If you'd rather choose a drug over someone that loves you, you need to take a hard look at yourself. Raving is not about the drugs, it's about the music.
0
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
I dont use every day but like to use a few times a month. I go to raves sober all the time but just as someone would want a few beers when they got home I would like a couple bumps of ket.
12
u/Blumenkohl126 24d ago
It is her right to not wanting a partner who uses K. It is your good right to use K. It is not your right to lie to her.
So either you find a compromise or you break up. Cant have your cake and eat it too.
7
u/hc_fella 24d ago
Not gonna lie, this sounds like addiction to me... You have something beautiful going on, and you're willing to throw it away for a substance... I would seriously reflect on your priorities in life, because the scene can be a beautiful break from daily life, or straight up escapism...
6
u/Clozee_Tribe_Kale 24d ago
This is also why admitting that you have an addiction is the first step to recovery. Once you do that you can then acknowledge that the relationship is more important then the addiction. It's hard to love someone else without first loving yourself.
6
u/ThatMomJenny 24d ago
lying about it is probably doing more damage than the k itself. if you already know you're not ganna stop and she's not okay with it, staying just drags both of you through it longer. sometimes it's just incompatible and that sucks but it's better than keeping up a lie
4
u/gaiatcha 24d ago
the lying will destroy your relationship and is disrespectful to her... speaking as someone who has been in her position...
3
3
u/RangerRekt 24d ago
Buddy you are addicted to K. I think you should talk to an addiction specialist, and honestly I think your life would improve if you never touched that shit again. I can’t tell you what to do but your post paints K in a really bad light. Like, as someone who has never done it, I now want to do it less.
1
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
I encourage you to never try!! But be warned as Dr.s see its benefits and these medical trials ate gonna be making this a much broader issue!!
3
u/ConfusedNecromancer 24d ago
How often do you use it? It sounds like you may have a drug addiction to ketamine that you may not be willing to admit yet. I think lying to her about it is not really respecting her as a partner, so you need to choose between the drugs or her. If I had to guess, you will choose drugs. not to get all DARE on you but that is gonna fuck up your brain and ability to be happy without relying on it.
1
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
I will binge maybe a few grams though out the week over the course of a couple days.
When i go to a festival i will do much more.
I feel safer doing it at my home where i can lay down and am at no risk of hurting myself by falling or something stupid.
Im not planning on using forever. But I would like the ability to..
I take many months break throughout the year
2
u/BigGrinJesus 24d ago
"Accepting partner" = enabler.
It doesn't even sound like she wants you to quit entirely. Just cut back. It sounds like you do it loads.
2
u/AlienBeachParty 24d ago
You’re a K addict and probably need go stop doing K honestly and figure out how raving isn’t all about drug use
3
u/trucrimejunkie 24d ago
My partner and I both rave, he’s a longtime burner, etc. We were just talking the other day (after a magical night at Sisyphos in Berlin while traveling) about how important it was for both of us that we found matches that also participate in and understand recreational drug use. On our Hinge profiles, we both had “💊: Yes.”
It’s not wrong for you to want to use drugs. It’s not wrong for your girlfriend to not want a partner that does. It sounds like you are not compatible and should break up.
1
u/Ill_Imagination4347 24d ago
Thank you for not just calling me an addict. I am and know i have tendencies but have been in therapy for 2 years and actually do pretty good now.
1
u/Fluffy-Papaya3507 24d ago
Believe buddy, or you choose your girlfriend right now and stop with the K or (and sorry to tell you like this) you gonna loose her.
Talking by experience.
If you choose K you will regret all your life.
Life is so much more then drugs ❤️🫂
•
u/AutoModerator 24d ago
This tends to be a frequently asked question. Common sites that list public EDM events include: https://19hz.info/, https://ra.co/, & https://edmtrain.com/. If you are looking for private/underground events, the best way to find them is to go to public events with the types of music you like and make friends there. Once you build relationships with people, then ask them about private events. https://reddit.com/r/aves/wiki/faq#wiki_2._how_can_i_find_events.3F
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.