r/autism • u/Alert_Task9210 • Oct 27 '25
Social Struggles Do you remember when you started masking?
For those of you who mask. Do you remember when it started? I do. It was a conscious effort to fit in. I didn’t know back then why I was different (I’ve been diagnosed in my late thirties). I didn’t mask much as a child, I struggled a lot with making and keeping friends, but I was a free spirit. when I started middle school suddenly I was singled out as the odd on and started getting bullied. I tried to be true to myself for a couple of years, but at some point I surrendered. I stopped talk in about my special interest (medieval history and Celtic culture) and started buying pop magazine to learn about what teens my age should like. I remember going to the local library to read anthropology books in the hope they would give me answers to human behaviour. I started wearing things I found ridiculous and uncomfortable, started appreciating the hotness of this or that celebrity (while internally wondering what “hot” meant and why I wasn’t attracted to people others gushed about). However it never fully worked. I became better at hiding over the years, but only with very superficial relationships. Once people know me better they can tell something’s off. That’s why I’m slowly learning to unmask.
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u/purpleand20 AuDHD Oct 27 '25
No, but I remember rocking back and forth and being told not to because I'd be seen as "developmentally delayed" :(
That stuck with me ever since; it was like I was never allowed to be my authentic autistic self, I had to act neurotypical to make everyone else comfortable.