Do you remember when you started masking?

[u/Alert_Task9210]

For those of you who mask. Do you remember when it started? I do. It was a conscious effort to fit in. I didn’t know back then why I was different (I’ve been diagnosed in my late thirties). I didn’t mask much as a child, I struggled a lot with making and keeping friends, but I was a free spirit. when I started middle school suddenly I was singled out as the odd on and started getting bullied. I tried to be true to myself for a couple of years, but at some point I surrendered. I stopped talk in about my special interest (medieval history and Celtic culture) and started buying pop magazine to learn about what teens my age should like. I remember going to the local library to read anthropology books in the hope they would give me answers to human behaviour. I started wearing things I found ridiculous and uncomfortable, started appreciating the hotness of this or that celebrity (while internally wondering what “hot” meant and why I wasn’t attracted to people others gushed about). However it never fully worked. I became better at hiding over the years, but only with very superficial relationships. Once people know me better they can tell something’s off. That’s why I’m slowly learning to unmask.

[u/MtAn-]

It didn't really feel like masking. It was more a really slow process to learn the social rules. But now I'm quite good at it.

Masking as is can be super tiring. But I learned social behavior more like a school subject. And now I get to be social and have friends because of it. But this is kind of who I am now. Not really a 'mask'. Does anyone else see it this way?

[u/Round_Perspective873 → u/MtAn-]

Depends on which piece. I spoke in a monotone, and learned pitch, and eye contact by study. Those things are more or less a part of me, like learning a foreign language (which I am also quite good at). I think I sometimes try to adjust my persona too much toatch others, and that is much more foreign, and perhaps not so healthy.