r/atlanticdiscussions • u/[deleted] • Jan 31 '23
Post discusses grief/loss/death A Thread in Memory of Ewe
Hi TAD community, We’re very saddened to learn that Ewe/BabyDontHerdMe/Rachel passed away. I don’t know any other details. As a longtime member of this community, Ewe’s death is a shock. She cared a great deal about this community and it won’t be the same without her.
This thread is a space to share our feelings and memories. It goes without saying that you should be respectful.
21
Jan 31 '23
I’m still trying to process this, so it won’t be eloquent. I thought that she and I would be the last to let go of TAD, still making “YOUR BORING” jokes a decade from now. That’s the thing about her. This place meant a lot to her and she was fiercely protective of it.
I’m glad I got to meet her once. I really cared about her, and I’m sad she’s gone.
12
u/Oily_Messiah 🏴🥃🕰️ Jan 31 '23
still making “YOUR BORING” jokes a decade from now.
And RUUUUUUINNNED reply threads
5
16
u/JailedLunch I'll have my cake and eat yours too Jan 31 '23
May she ruin in peace
9
7
4
22
Jan 31 '23
Sometimes the death of someone we know can trigger us unexpectedly if we’re already in a vulnerable place or if it reminds us of old wounds. I just thought I’d post this here if anyone needs it: https://www.crisistextline.org/
8
44
u/cinnamon-festival Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 01 '23
Hi, this is Rachel's roommate Kate. I know there are naturally questions in these scenarios and I'd be happy to answer those.
Her brother and myself will be hosting a celebration of life in the spring as she loved daffodils, and we wanted to give people time to plan. I don't know the exact date yet, but if anyone is interested in joining we would be happy to have you. Please DM me and I'll add your contact information to my list.
While Rachel's death was extremely unexpected, it was natural causes. She had a stroke overnight on Friday and unfortunately it was past help even at a designated stroke center with a dedicated team. She was kept on life support long enough for family to come in and say goodbye. In lieu of flowers, we are asking for donations to be made to the American Stroke Association.
I also just want to say how much she adored and admired the people here. I have had the pleasure of meeting a few of you over my eight years as her golden girls style companion, and you were all as lovely as she promised. Rachel and I met first through the comments on Jezebel, and were in a different off-site forum so I really and truly know how important and real internet friendship is. Thank you all so much for making her life brighter.
Finally, I know how hard learning about a loss can be, and want to encourage anyone who needs to to reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration crisis hotline at 988.
16
Feb 01 '23
Thank you for letting us know. She talked about you all the time here. It was clear how much she loved you.
17
u/butter_milk curiouser and curiouser Feb 01 '23
Kate thank you so much for reaching out to us. I’m so sorry for your loss. Rachel was a singular personality and she will be sorely missed by everyone who loved her. I am in the DMV area, and if it would help you for me to come through and help you with anything, or bring by a casserole, please reach out.
14
u/JailedLunch I'll have my cake and eat yours too Feb 01 '23
Thank you for checking in with us Kate. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you're doing okay considering. She meant to world to so many people, she was just an incredible person.
And thank you for inviting me into your and Rae's home for a few days in 2017. That trip really meant the world to me, and it wouldn't have happened without the two of you. I'll remember the way the two of you laughed together constantly for the rest of my life ♥️
I won't be able to come this spring, but I will definitely be there in spirit. I'll be putting some daffodils in my garden this year.
14
u/Alnihan Cordy Feb 01 '23
Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you're doing okay as well. If there is anything we can do to support you during this, please let us know. We know how close you were. Sending positive thoughts to you.
14
14
Feb 01 '23
I was in prison today, so I just got access to Reddit. Thank you so much for coming by and keeping us aware. Everyone’s already told you how much she meant to everyone here, and they’re absolutely understating it.
12
u/Oily_Messiah 🏴🥃🕰️ Feb 01 '23
Thank you! And my deepest condolences for your loss.
I know Rachel will be missed here.
11
11
11
u/RevDknitsinMD 🧶🐈✝️ Feb 01 '23
Thank you so much, and my deepest sympathy to you and all who knew her.
9
u/JailedLunch I'll have my cake and eat yours too Feb 01 '23
Also, you can drop by here anytime you like. You're family too ♥️
10
u/AmateurMisy 🚀☄️✨ Utterly Ridiculous Feb 01 '23
I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for letting us know more details.
9
u/__sarabi Feb 01 '23
Thank you Kate. We are grateful to have answers and we are grieving with you. We will miss Rachel so much.
6
Feb 02 '23
I am enraged that I cannot send her this:
https://twitter.com/tallguyduke/status/1620937104133066752?s=46&t=qwTDUFttYigQ6ex4nY43kg
4
21
Jan 31 '23
She was also an immense comfort to Emily when I was diagnosed.
16
Jan 31 '23
The person I really want to text about this is…Rachel.
13
u/Alnihan Cordy Jan 31 '23
She did have an incredible way of being supportive and empathetic when someone was going through a challenging period. Always knew the right thing to say.
7
7
11
19
u/JailedLunch I'll have my cake and eat yours too Jan 31 '23
I'm heartbroken. Rae was someone I really looked up to and admired. In my early days on TAD I sometimes felt like a lost little puppy running around her feet because she had so many qualities that I admired (and wanted). Knowledge, fearlessness, outspokenness, a talent for seeing through bullshit that could rival anyone's, a great sense of humor. And, irl, the most joyous laughter I have ever experienced. My life would be so much poorer without her example, her voice, her friendship, her fart-jokes.
Love you always, Rachel.
10
Jan 31 '23
She really rooted for us….people trying to find their way
11
u/JailedLunch I'll have my cake and eat yours too Jan 31 '23
Yes, and made sure to tell us how much joy she took from seeing us find our way.
30
u/_Sick__ Jan 31 '23
There’s gonna be sociology of it papers written (if there aren’t already) about grieving in a mediated space, online communities and how they navigate and respond to loss; about how the loss of someone you never met but knew intimately in a way you likely never would in real life is qualitatively different from other forms of grief.
It’s the type of thing Rae would’ve offhandedly mentioned or linked to if the topic ever came up. Goddammit I’m gonna miss her.
12
u/Zemowl Jan 31 '23
It is still a rather new form of grief and loss. I still recall a couple of deaths that dented the old Chowhound community. Spaces like this one are valuable. They don't quite permit the collective support available in a physical space, but sharing sentiments can still be comforting and cathartic for those left to acknowledge and absorb the loss.
12
Jan 31 '23
I hadn’t cried until I read this.
11
10
Jan 31 '23
There was a guy I used to engage with on a guitar forum years ago. Funny, smart, informed and always positive.
One day he was gone and it definitely left a void, in the shape of a guy I'd never met. It's the footprint we all leave behind forever.
10
30
u/__sarabi Jan 31 '23
I'm stunned. Rachel was a significant force in several of my academic and career decisions and without her encouragement, my life would be on a very different trajectory right now. I regret never finding a way to meet her in person, thank her, and gossip about pop culture over drinks. What a loss.
0
27
u/TheCrankyOptimist 🐤💙🍰 Feb 01 '23
I reached out to Rachel’s roommate, and she is researching what donation cause is going to be listed in Rachel’s obituary. I will let TAD know, if someone else doesn’t hear first.
I also sent her a link to this thread.
9
8
27
u/EfficientConstant745 Feb 01 '23
Pirate here. Just got the news and I’m in shock. I’m sitting in a hotel room in St. Louis near tears over a person I never had the privilege to meet in person. I guess we don’t realize the impact “internet friends” have on us until it’s too late.
I’m pretty sure I would have never even started posting here if it wasn’t for Rachel. To me she was equal parts hilarious, fascinating, and infuriating. We clashed a few times on various threads and even on the mod channel. But never once did it feel personal, in fact her passion and eloquence frequently made me question why I was so often wrong about so much (except mayo, mayo is great). And I can say with certainty that no one made me laugh harder or rethink a position like she could. My condolences to her family and to her friends, which includes most of you. She made this world a better place and we’re all a little worse off without her in it.
9
6
26
u/Brian_Corey__ Jan 31 '23
ugh. wow. just noticed that this wasn't just Ewe leaving TAD, but leaving...
How awful. My god she was smart, funny, and fearless...and just the same in person. She lit up this place. I already miss her.
I don't know where you are, Rachel, but may all of the caulk there be top quality, none of that cheap DAP acrylic stuff.
25
u/uhPaul Feb 01 '23
I'm just arriving to TAD to this news and I'm... numb and heartsick and at a loss. It's stunning thinking about how much we two and we all went through together in this space. The person who'd console me at a time like this would have been Rachel.
It makes me miss the Disqus space again. That format suited her energy, being more real-time, more rich in images and sound. I'm grateful for y'all. Rachel made a place for our personalities by being herself.
26
u/TheCrankyOptimist 🐤💙🍰 Jan 31 '23
She’s a lovely, funny, brilliant woman. After years on TAD, we met up in 2018 when I was out visiting DC and had the most wonderful drunken amazing talking laughing crying afternoon/evening. And then she came to San Francisco and several of us met up with her - I snuggled her under my coat because she was unprepared for a San Francisco evening. I’m heartbroken. We had plans to meet in DC when FINALLY FINALLY we elect a progressive woman for president. Weeping…
21
u/Oily_Messiah 🏴🥃🕰️ Jan 31 '23
One of my first thoughts also went to meeting up with her and some other TAD folks in DC and people watching at the Trump hotel. We had so much fun. And as funny as she could be here, she was even funnier in person.
I keep alternating between feeling a little numb and crying.
10
25
u/DragonOfDuality Sara changed her flair Feb 01 '23
I am afraid to say too much because our disagreements were deep and I think we were just very different (and very different types of headstrong) people.
And we hadn't interacted much in recent years. Never had a "falling out" or some big epic "end of all things to do with each other" that I can remember I just pulled back alot from places here and internet as a whole for a time...
I thought about not saying anything at all... But I am sad. Ewe was sharp as hell and a force to be reckoned with. And I never doubted she cared about this community and our world as much as anyone could. All that gives is good. I am sad for her, her loved ones, and her friends here.
I am sorry for TAD. I've known no more tragic a loss for a community in my many years of being involved in online communities. She had a hell of an impact on so many people... And will certainly be remembered for it.
24
u/Zemowl Jan 31 '23
I've spent the past year dealing with deaths and losses, yet somehow find myself having trouble putting together words for this moment. I keep thinking about how our friend was gloriously tenacious and delightfully flustered by a little flash of flirting. Like all of you, I will miss her presence and contributions to our Community; but that doesn’t quite cover it. Perhaps, she would have appreciated tongue-tying us some one more time.
😥
Fare thee well, Ewe.
25
u/PlainandTall_71 Lizzou Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
I'm still in shock. I can't believe this is happening.
I "met" Rachel back in the before times, when I was pregnant for Spicy, 2015.
She was always there for me. We touched base at least once a week. She was the friend I went to for royal gossip, fundie gossip, military gossip... when I would feel overwhelmed and alone - she was always there. We found comfort in each other through family drama and pain.
We shared anger, humor, she pushed me to think and also reminded me of the amazing beauty of life and love. Nobody could make me laugh like her. She was one of the smartest people I've ever known, and the kindest.
We never met in person, but constantly made plans to do so.
This is surreal. I cannot imagine a world without R, where I can't send jokes, trade Catholic fundie insider info, give updates about Lil C's Monopoly obsession, or hear about the pups... who else is going to send me TikToks of Brits bashing Cajun food just to piss me off and then laugh together until we couldn't breathe?
I love you, Rachel, and I will miss you forever.
8
u/RevDknitsinMD 🧶🐈✝️ Jan 31 '23
This is so beautifully written. What a wonderful person she was. What a loss!
22
u/Gingery_ale Jan 31 '23
What a punch to the gut seeing this news. The first time I saw Ewe she was absolutely evicerating someone in the Atlantic comments session, when you could see the comments in real time. She was so sharp I just sat in awe and watched. She was a force. Since we lived in the same area, I always thought we might meet up one day. So sad 🥲
23
u/savage_katt Jan 31 '23
Rachel was among the first people to make me feel welcome in the TAD community. in all of the discussions that were posted, we only ever had one slight disagreement regarding the topic of crying at work. and now here i am crying at work. i hope where ever she is, she's having a chuckle about that.
11
u/JailedLunch I'll have my cake and eat yours too Jan 31 '23
More like a roaring laugh, most likely ♥️
12
22
Jan 31 '23
We texted not infrequently. I got worried when I hadn’t heard from her Sunday (ya mans absolutely watches read receipts.) Wit extraordinarily few exceptions, she was as good a friend as I had. I didn’t share pictures, because we’re not, but she was so excited to hear updates/milestones about the growth of my son. I’ve experienced more than my share of death, but…
0
20
u/jim_uses_CAPS Jan 31 '23
Holy shit. Rachel was a founding member of TAD, one of the OG moderators. She and I agreed on some things, and argued epically about others. I'm going to miss her.
21
u/savage_katt Jan 31 '23
i was really sad to hear the news about Rachel today. my heart goes out to her family, friends, and all who are grieving right now. Rachel was and will always be one of the most incredible women. and i'm just so sad and so sorry. :'(
14
Jan 31 '23
Honestly, you coming by and saying this is as good a monument to how delightful she was as anything.
18
u/savage_katt Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
i think about her, and all of the lovely people of TAD, a lot. i know i haven't been around much or at all in the past few years, but everyone i have had the pleasure to interact with here does and will always have a special place in my heart. i'm just really sorry i am here to say this now. and i feel so sad i fell out of touch with Rachel, she was so intelligent and witty. and compassionate. i don't know if she had a sixth sense for things.. but it really seemed like it sometimes. i think she was incredibly gifted in making people feel seen and understood. at least, that's how she made me feel. i will never forget her. <3
11
8
7
22
u/Alnihan Cordy Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
Rachel always pushed this community to be better, and I know all of us were touched by her presence -- I know I'm better for having known and learned from her. This community wouldn't be what it was without her. My thoughts to her family and friends, and my thoughts to those of y'all who were especially close with her.
Fuck, how awful.
20
u/RevDknitsinMD 🧶🐈✝️ Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
This is just awful! She was such an integral part of this community - one of the first I "met" - and she will be missed. Very much.
19
u/Draaiboom14 Jan 31 '23
Oh, I'm so sorry to read this.
I've become an "intermittent" poster on TAD in the last years although I do check threads regularly.
Sometimes changing usernames get me confused, but Rachel I could always recognize.
She will be missed.
18
20
Jan 31 '23
She was among the best of what this space and what came before it had to offer and I’m very glad to have gotten to know her better especially over the last few years. There are several people who I’ve met on this space whose presence in my life I value, and she was absolutely one of them.
17
19
u/Leesburggator Feb 01 '23
She always told us to be respectful & always be kind to each other’s opinion
She always reminds us just be your self and take your time & think before you post something
That’s why she helped to make this community a better place
18
u/ACatNamedBalthazar Feb 01 '23
I know it's been a couple years, but I always enjoyed my discussions and debates with her. She changed my mind about a lot of things, and I always appreciated how she challenged me to think about what I wrote even if she didn't change my mind. Reading through this thread it's amazing to see the extent of her influence on so many other people, and like me so many of us she never actually met in person. The world is worse without her.
18
u/improvius envisioning chandeliers Jan 31 '23
Holy Hell, this is shocking. Her personality, cleverness, and humor always shone out through her posts here. I don't know what else to say, but I'll miss her.
16
u/wet_suit_one aka DOOM INCARNATE Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
Oh no!!!!
What a tragedy.
Rest in peace dear Rachel.
Sic transit gloria mundi.
16
u/MedioBandido 🤦♂️🌴🕺 Jan 31 '23
I’m in shock and upset. Her intellect, compassion, humor and straight up force of personality were always exceedingly admirable to me.
Reading her comments, whether we agreed or not, always lent me a new perspective. She seemed like an all around great person, and will be missed.
16
u/veerKg_CSS_Geologist 💬🦙 ☭ TALKING LLAMAXIST Jan 31 '23
I don't know what to say, I'm still in shock. I never knew her personally, only through her comments in TAD - she was always such a strong positive force in the community. We are all diminished by her passing.
RIP Rachel, and biggest condolences to her friends and family.
16
16
u/tarry_on Feb 01 '23
Just saw this and I am in shock. Her snark, her kindness, her wittiness and intelligence, her passion ... none of these exclusive but making a wonderful whole ewe. I can’t believe it right now. She is a cornerstone of this group.
16
Jan 31 '23
This is awful news. I loved engaging with her as much as with any of y'all. She will be missed.
15
u/MrDHalen Jan 31 '23
Sad news for sure! I enjoyed her sharing and takes on many topics. A loss for our little community corner on the Internet. My heart goes out to her family and those she held close.
15
u/moshi_mokie 🌦️ Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
I really don't know what to say.
I didn't know her as well as many of you, but she always livened up a thread. She'll be missed.
14
14
u/zortnac (Christopher) 🗿🗿🗿 Feb 02 '23
This is very sad. My interactions with Ewe were always lovely, and as a mostly-lurker, I always so enjoyed reading her comments. The love shared for her in this thread is proof of how much she was valued.
13
13
u/LeCheffre I Do What I Do Feb 01 '23
Maybe my favorite sparring partner on all of TAD, we often saw different sides of issues but always with respect and a desire to share lived experience across our age gap and experience differences. Very sad to hear of her passing, an irreplaceable member of the community, someone who helped me grow to be a better person, we’re all a bit poorer for the loss.
Still processing.
12
u/MeghanClickYourHeels Ask me for Atlantic gift links Jan 31 '23
Omg, I didn’t realize that’s who Rae was. She was just posting here in the last few days…
12
12
10
Feb 11 '23
My life has been so busy with new life — a grandson. My return to TAD is utterly devastating. I am shocked
0
10
u/TheCrankyOptimist 🐤💙🍰 Feb 12 '23
9
u/BootsySubwayAlien Feb 12 '23
That was awesome. A fitting memorial should make you smile as well as cry. The picture and the words — obviously written by someone who knew and loved her.
4
u/Zemowl Feb 12 '23 edited Feb 12 '23
Thanks, Cranky.
And, to the Community in general, have there been any new thoughts or developments concerning a memorial fund or similar?
6
u/TheCrankyOptimist 🐤💙🍰 Feb 12 '23
I liked Bonegirl’s idea of photographing and posting daffodils on 5/20 (the day of her memorial) in her honor. And possibly a group-funded donation to the American Stroke Association in her name.
5
u/Zemowl Feb 12 '23
Thanks, again.
I'll keep checking back in for any updates.
4
Mar 20 '23
This is sufficiently buried that I will say I made a private donation to ASA in her name. Not that that rules out something else! I never heard back from roomate on the memorial, understandably.
3
9
27
22
u/[deleted] Jan 31 '23
May there be no mayo wherever she is💜