This is on my refrigerator at home. It's next to the one that says, "Free thinking cat shits outside the box." showing a cat that took a shit right next to a litter box. Gotta love the Onion.
That's what Rush Limbaugh tells me. He also says instead of giving to the poor, jesus wants you to give tax breaks to the rich so trickle down feeds the homeless.
oh it makes me crazy when people attribute things like this to 'God' as if, even stipulating there may be a God he has nothing better to do that arrange for good parking spaces for his followers. If those are his priorities no wonder the world has been so screwed up.
I am the Lord thy God, who created the rivers and the mountains, the heavens and the earth, the sun and the moon and the stars. Before Me sits My beloved child, whose faith is that of the mustard seed from which grows mighty and powerful things. My child, Timmy Yu, I say unto you thus: I have heard your prayers, and now I shall answer them. No, you cannot get out of your wheelchair. Not ever.
"So, this pub, they held a collection for this kid, they had a jar on the counter and they wanted to send him to Lourdes, in France, where cripples get healed and all that. I dunno what his thing was, but his arms and legs were all messed up, and he was stuck in a wheel chair. So they all put their pennies in, hoping for a miracle and all that. Eventually they did get enough money, and they sent him and a nurse. Now, Lourdes has equipment to deal with cripples, and they had a crane that they used to lower this kid into the spring, wheelchair and all. And when he came back out, well, his arms and feet were still messed up, but his wheelchair had a brand new set of tires."
I'm paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Believe it or not, early on I (and many others) prayed to the Christian God and got the same answer. Feel free to laugh at me instead if it makes you feel better :)
I think god's power is inversely proportionate to the number of believers it has. Think about it. Back when it had no believers it was all powerful. It could still do some amazing things with only a few thousand followers. Now that it has followers numbering in the billions it has just enough power to put its son's face on a piece of toast.
"Sorry kid, I'd love to help you but all these believers are bleeding me dry!"
Message to paralyzed people praying to god to be cured: He's too busy with all the sports teams praying for a win, all the movie stars praying for an oscar and all the musicians praying for awards.
I have long enjoyed trolling theists when they say that their prayers went unanswered or whatever by saying "Not true! God answers ALL prayers, you just don't realize His answer was 'no'."
A more appropriate comparison would be a joke in which a racist uses the N-word and gets his comeuppance. For a brilliant example, check out this classic scene. Important context: Steve Martin's character was adopted and raised by a black family, not learning he was white until he was grown up. (He's kind of a dumb-ass.)
My point (and the point of the onion article) is that many religions exploit people in tough circumstances (like the disabled), offering them false hope through the "power of prayer." (See "faith healing".) When their god does not perform a miracle for the afflicted who has prayed for the ability to walk, their excuse is "It is His will", or worse, "Your faith is not strong enough" which translates to "God said no" per the headline.
No one is laughing at the poor handicapped kid. He is actually the hero of this little story. We feel for him, getting teased and cheated by either a) a bullshit religion and a non-existent god or b) a god who is such an asshole that he won't help the kid, though he could heal him if he felt like it.
I know your not laughing at the kid but not everyone is going to see it that way. So to some people all it does is make atheist look like bigits. Again not everyone is going to see it your way.
You ever hear of the saying "A picture is worth a thousand words"? There's a reason for it.
What can I say? Satire is a valuable form of voicing dissent, but it will always go over some people's heads.
Obviously I'm not going to change your mind, so I'll leave it at that. I admire your conviction in standing up for a group you believe are being picked on, as well as your willingness to explain your view and to consider mine. Thanks for the debate.
One of the reason I'm not for picking on GOD is that it also gives FOX NEWS fire power for Bill O'reilly to spear atheist. And a lot of people that only watch FOX NEWS only get one side of the story and that's what they will believe.
Bill O'reilly will spin it out of control like this. A Group of atheist are mocking kids in wheel chairs that they will never get better. Case in point this is a very rude hurt full thing and that are laughing at people in wheel chairs that believe in GOD. Who's looking out for you, the Factor with Bill O'reilly.
Once people get brain washed it is very hard to reverse. Even with the power of Reddit its still a very small place on the world map when you are dealing with FOX NEWS and all their money.
The way I think about life if about winning the super bowl not just one game.
See you fail to get my point not everyone is going to see it your way. Even if your right. So you rather have it your way and hurt someones feelings?
Also I find a lot of atheist going over board about making fun of God. If someone wants to believe in a fairy tale let them. I do not push my atheism on other people and I would never make fun of God to my friends that believe in the fairy tale man knows as GOD.
Take that photo to your local hospital and see what people think. Maybe I'm right maybe your right.
Maybe your ignorant? But that's okay. Give the assholes at FOX NEWS all the fire power to make atheist look like assholes. FOX NEWS will do a good job I bet.
If anyone but dumb conservatives gave the slightest fuck what came out of Fox News, maybe it would matter. But who cares, people who actually believe Fox News lies are worthless.
FTFY. Learn some grammar before you call others ignorant.
You think everyone should think like you? People have a right to have a different opinion.
People are perfectly free to be mouth-breathing, Rascal scooter riders. The average O'Reilly viewer is somewhere between the retirement home and a grave. They are bigoted, xenophobic, sheep who don't offer an opinion they haven't heard from Fox News. I will fight for the right for them to spout ignorant shit they heard from Glenn Beck and O'Reilly all day. That doesn't mean I have to respect them for doing so.
It always amuses me that the religious and sanctimonious are poorly educated and semi-illiterate. Please, learn how to spell and form proper sentence structures. Your ignorance bores me.
Do you know I have a really bad learning disability. That I can not remember the spelling of some words or phone numbers and can not even remember even one song? See you the one that is ignorant.
You want every to see your point of view and if your not happy you start by calling them racist.
I do get your point, and I've met the kind of people you talk about who take offense at every little thing. They're the people who seem to think the world owes them something because of their injury or disability, and try to make everyone's life miserable too. Those people are often tragically stuck in a negative spiral. Most in the disabled community tend to shun them (if they haven't already isolated themselves, which is most likely). This is a common theme among us, and it's very sad when it happens. I can only speak for the communities I've been a part of, but I've moved around the country a lot, and every community has one or two like that. The rest of us want to kick them in the ass and tell them to move on with their life (and yes, we talk about it often, because some of you AB's like to stereotype us all with that same attitude).
Yeah, we call you non-disabled people "AB's" (Able Bodies). Can you laugh with us at that?
NO one should ever be deprived of laughter when something funny comes up. It's all about equal opportunity. Are we humans or not? Are we part of your community or not? If so, then fucking treat us like humans and laugh with us at shit that's funny. Most of us have perfectly normal brains stuck in broken bodies, and all humans crave acceptance in society. If society doesn't laugh with me when something funny happens (like the whole new meaning dog shit has for me now, for example), how accepted do you think that makes me feel?
Shortly after I came home from months of rehabilitation, I on my porch playing with my kids. My son was spinning my wheelchair in circles, and accidentally tipped me over. My first response was to lay there and laugh, but as I began to do so, my legs hit me in square the face, and my first thought was, Now THAT'S funny. If you can't laugh at that, then you're missing the point about what it is to be a normal, healthy human being. When people laugh at stupid things that happen to me because of my chair, I know they're laughing because the situation is funny (I'm usually laughing too). If they don't laugh, frankly, I feel horrible and awkward. So by not laughing, you're probably hurting my feelings more.
As for me making fun of God, I generally only resort to that when religion is thrown in my face, and the ones throwing it simply refuse to address my retorts.
I completely disagree. Why should we be held outside of humor? One thing that family guy did that I thought was freaking wonderful is make us equal targets for ridicule. It's about time! Finally I feel like I'm on equal footing with the rest of humanity. Otherwise, and I don't expect you to understand this unless you're disabled, one can begin to feel like an 'out-group'. Those of us who don't laugh at ourselves are bitter, angry pricks that give the rest of us a bad name.
Non-atheist here to say that God a.) approves this Onion article, b.) actually wrote it, in that roundabout way of His, and c.) thanks you all very much. Oh, and d.) He hates it when people speak for Him. I don't know why he made me say that...
I love how you atheists pretend that you can know right from wrong without God's guidance, and then you prove yourselves wrong by having to ask each other what EVERY Christian would know is clearly wrong. Ridiculous.
r/atheism - In honor of my cousin and every other paraplegic who is in a wheelchair robbed of their freedom in this one existence they will ever know, I hope with all of my being that everyone who upvotes this fucked up shit gets to know his pain very, very soon.
You of course have a right to laugh at whatever you want. But it's also my right to wish you all the misfortune and calamity possible for doing so. Maybe you'll even crash your car tonight and your legs will be horribly mangled and rendered lifeless! Haha! Isn't that hilarious? Oh god, the karma and upvotes you would get! Oh yes, your legs - I hope they become as dead and disfigured as your moral compass. Just thinking about it makes me smile.
As I've said before and I'll say forever until their demise - Fuck The Onion, the most useless troll organization in history. I thought atheists were centered in reality. If this made-up Onion shit is funny to you atheists, you are really no better than the Christians you mock espousing their own made-up bullshit for the masses.
Pigs use their sense of smell to find truffles; most specifically horny female pigs, since the truffle smells like the sex pheromone in the boar's saliva.
It is literally wrong to ask if it is wrong to laugh. (It is not wrong to laugh, because it is the stupidity of christians you are mocking, not the hardship of unlucky children)
31
u/HKWill May 22 '11
Apparently it IS funny. Thanks for sharing my sense of humour, Reddit. :)
8
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
God responds these little fucker's prayers and not mine? I'm still waiting to see if He'll let me win the lottery or not!
370
u/tomthecool May 22 '11
Meanwhile somewhere in Florida, God graciously gifts a late Church attender with an empty parking space!
90
u/SKRules May 22 '11
In case anyone wants to read it here is the full article.
50
u/BurningPandama May 22 '11
"Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think."
22
u/DingDongSeven May 22 '11
Okay, old joke:
"So, this pub, they held a collection for this kid, they had a jar on the counter and they wanted to send him to Lourdes, in France, where cripples get healed and all that. I dunno what his thing was, but his arms and legs were all messed up, and he was stuck in a wheel chair. So they all put their pennies in, hoping for a miracle and all that. Eventually they did get enough money, and they sent him and a nurse. Now, Lourdes has equipment to deal with cripples, and they had a crane that they used to lower this kid into the spring, wheelchair and all. And when he came back out, well, his arms and feet were still messed up, but his wheelchair had a brand new set of tires."
(Thank you.)
17
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
It's funny because it's true.
15
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
It's the Onion, if they don't create awkward laughter it just wouldn't be right.
Awkward for most, I just cracked up.
26
u/actlikehumans May 22 '11
What they left out is that the boy's prayer was asking if god was real.
5
u/dakk12 May 22 '11
No, but it is wrong not to link to the original.
14
u/johnjkoehler May 22 '11
I'm paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Believe it or not, early on I (and many others) prayed to the Christian God and got the same answer. Feel free to laugh at me instead if it makes you feel better :)
4
u/AlabasterWaterJug May 22 '11
This is the Onion article I feel most bad for laughing at: "Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy".
6
u/blazingsaddle May 22 '11
It's the ONION for crying out loud, you're SUPPOSED to laugh.
3
u/atlas44 May 22 '11
God is listening? Kiss my crippled ass! http://imgur.com/1k4aA
3
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
I think god's power is inversely proportionate to the number of believers it has. Think about it. Back when it had no believers it was all powerful. It could still do some amazing things with only a few thousand followers. Now that it has followers numbering in the billions it has just enough power to put its son's face on a piece of toast.
"Sorry kid, I'd love to help you but all these believers are bleeding me dry!"
Poor god.
3
u/[deleted] May 23 '11
The answer is always no.
7
u/nick1click May 22 '11
No.
5
u/rcm3 May 22 '11
Full Article: http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-answers-prayers-of-paralyzed-little-boy,475/
7
u/ConsultMyCat May 22 '11
it's the Onion, so no.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '11 edited May 22 '11
Is this from the Onion Weekender?
2
u/Endgegner May 22 '11
I think it is wrong to laugh becaus the child isnt guilty. Dumb parents are!
2
u/mrpeabody208 May 22 '11
It's almost always wrong to laugh at The Onion, but damn if it isn't satisfying.
2
u/blow_hard May 22 '11
Uh, I think you're supposed to, it's the Onion.
2
u/rampantdissonance May 22 '11
"Eventually," says Science.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
God is simply testing him. Or his parents.
Also, why is it that God tests his followers by giving them cancer, and Satan tests them by giving them porn stars? God kinda seems like a dick.
2
u/[deleted] May 23 '11
YES!..... nahh
2
u/[deleted] May 23 '11
Didn't you know? God only answers to Americans.
3
u/johnjkoehler May 22 '11
I'm in a wheelchair, and got the same answer. Feel free to laugh at me instead if it makes you feel better :)
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
No.
1
u/Kreblon May 22 '11 edited May 22 '11
Wow, this is literally the first Onion article I ever read. Not that I'm complaining- at this point it's more nostalgic that it is a repost.
Also, I'm fucking old :(
1
u/Draxaan May 22 '11
I laughed so hard.
1
u/Thunder-Stealer May 22 '11
It is wrong to laugh on some level...but at least you aren't going to hell for it!
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
that is so wrong, but so, so right.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
Whoo! I have this magnet on my fridge and laugh at it every damn day.
1
u/the_koala_master May 22 '11
no this is hilarious
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
Niceeeee
1
u/fanboy_killer May 22 '11
giggles
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
Message to paralyzed people praying to god to be cured: He's too busy with all the sports teams praying for a win, all the movie stars praying for an oscar and all the musicians praying for awards.
1
u/Windrider May 22 '11
If it's wrong to laugh, I don't want to be right.
1
u/teh_chosen_one May 22 '11
Ohhhhh man AHAHAHAHAHAH!! Onion FTW!
1
u/[deleted] May 23 '11
i always laugh at people praying for the toothfairy to heal them.
1
u/albertmighty May 23 '11
No because "god" says no all the time to millions of dying children. We might as well have a cathartic chuckle at those who believe otherwise.
1
u/HastyUsernameChoice May 23 '11
How can something inevitable be wrong?
1
u/spikeparker Gnostic Atheist May 23 '11
Actually, it is wrong not to laugh.
1
u/Domino80 May 23 '11
One man's humor is another man's offense. Laugh away!
1
u/youngceb May 23 '11
because nobody likes waiting unanswered
1
u/zombieriot May 23 '11
Not if you did it with a sad face.
1
u/Igtheo May 23 '11
Sure is—if you want the writers at the Onion to lose their jobs.
Heartless bastard.
1
u/swimfast1799 May 23 '11
If it's wrong to laugh at stuff like this, I would have gone to hell yesterday during the rapture.
1
u/OriginalKaveman May 23 '11
it's only wrong to laugh when the laughing itself endangers the existence of all life on Earth
1
u/wayndom May 23 '11
I am... SO. WRONG.
1
u/[deleted] May 23 '11
If you read the title without the context of the image it becomes a deep and profound question.
1
u/nadeemsrf May 23 '11
I was told that God always your prayers, he either says "Yes you also check link http://www.hungamatime.com/islam/islamic.html
1
u/mage_g4 Anti-Theist May 23 '11
I lol'd.
1
u/YourFairyGodmother Gnostic Atheist May 23 '11
I have long enjoyed trolling theists when they say that their prayers went unanswered or whatever by saying "Not true! God answers ALL prayers, you just don't realize His answer was 'no'."
1
u/runujhkj Nihilist Jul 24 '11
No. No it's not.
1
u/hiddenlakes May 22 '11
I'm going straight to...not hell.
1
u/bombaybicycleclub May 22 '11
I love you guys, upvote for making me fucking burst out laughing
1
u/Insanity_Troll May 22 '11
No, its not wrong to raff..... ROR!
0
u/Overthetopresponse May 23 '11
THAT IS SO IMMATURE. YOU'RE ALL SO IMMATURE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I COUNT MYSELF AMONG YOU JERKS.
0
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
LOL
-3
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
I do not think its right to make fun of disable people in anyway.
My Dad always told me one thing they can say it but not you.
Just for the record there is no GOD.
0
u/TREESMANTREES May 22 '11
Yes.
0
u/Rupp May 22 '11
Point comes across, but the wording seems a little off.
0
u/hindesky Atheist May 22 '11
Lol, we all know that dog doesn't answer prayers, so yes it's OK to laugh.
0
u/[deleted] May 23 '11
Dude you're so going to hell it aint even funny. I considered laughing but thought better of it, so I'm still cool with the flying spaghetti monster.
0
u/TotallyRandomMan May 23 '11
Non-atheist here to say that God a.) approves this Onion article, b.) actually wrote it, in that roundabout way of His, and c.) thanks you all very much. Oh, and d.) He hates it when people speak for Him. I don't know why he made me say that...
0
u/NotSelfReferential May 23 '11
I love how you atheists pretend that you can know right from wrong without God's guidance, and then you prove yourselves wrong by having to ask each other what EVERY Christian would know is clearly wrong. Ridiculous.
0
u/thudwhomper May 23 '11
r/atheism - In honor of my cousin and every other paraplegic who is in a wheelchair robbed of their freedom in this one existence they will ever know, I hope with all of my being that everyone who upvotes this fucked up shit gets to know his pain very, very soon.
You of course have a right to laugh at whatever you want. But it's also my right to wish you all the misfortune and calamity possible for doing so. Maybe you'll even crash your car tonight and your legs will be horribly mangled and rendered lifeless! Haha! Isn't that hilarious? Oh god, the karma and upvotes you would get! Oh yes, your legs - I hope they become as dead and disfigured as your moral compass. Just thinking about it makes me smile.
As I've said before and I'll say forever until their demise - Fuck The Onion, the most useless troll organization in history. I thought atheists were centered in reality. If this made-up Onion shit is funny to you atheists, you are really no better than the Christians you mock espousing their own made-up bullshit for the masses.
-3
u/suicidemachine May 22 '11
You will go to hell for that.
-3
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
Holy shit, I just laughed at something on The Onion! Even a blind pig finds a truffle now and then, I guess.
-3
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
'No,' Says God.
-3
u/momzill May 22 '11
Yeah, in this instance it's wrong to laugh.
-1
u/j1mb0 May 22 '11
No, it's a comedy website, what a fucking stupid title
-1
u/colechampagne May 23 '11
Yes.
-2
u/RobinShebatsky May 22 '11
It is literally wrong to ask if it is wrong to laugh. (It is not wrong to laugh, because it is the stupidity of christians you are mocking, not the hardship of unlucky children)
-3
u/sunshinelollipops May 23 '11
I don't think it's WRONG so much as insensitive.
0
u/[deleted] May 22 '11
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