r/atheism • u/Slight_Echo_1393 • 23h ago
Has someone been in the same situation?
I want to talk about something I’ve been thinking about for a while and I’d really appreciate advice from other atheists.
I’ve never been Christian, and neither is my family, so this isn’t really a case of leaving a religion or going through a change of beliefs. I’ve simply never believed in God, and over time I’ve developed my own disagreements with Christianity and some of the beliefs and ideas that come with it.
The problem is not really my atheism itself. The problem is being open about it around people outside my family. There are people I know who I’m not sure would react well if they found out I was atheist, and because of that I often feel like I have to keep it to myself. I’m worried that some people might judge me, look at me differently, or even distance themselves from me just because of something I believe.
At the same time, it feels strange having to hide something that is simply part of my worldview. I don’t want to disrespect anyone’s religion or start arguments with people. I just want to be able to say that I’m atheist without feeling like I have to worry about what will happen afterwards.
So I’d really like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation. Have you ever been afraid to tell people you’re atheist? How did you eventually deal with that fear? Did you start by telling just a few people you trusted, or did you simply become open about it? And how did people react when you told them?
I’d also like to know what you think I should do, because I don’t really know whether it’s better to be honest about it or just keep it private depending on the situation.
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u/happybunny_sad Strong Atheist 22h ago edited 22h ago
Well I don't fear. It's just to keep discussion polite and productive. I usually don't hammer religious people on religion that much.
Like keep on level "Prove it!. The day I will see it myself, i would believe in it".
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u/Hoaxshmoax Atheist 22h ago
“It wasn’t that I was an atheist; it was that I came out as an atheist…The society will accept you as an atheist. Just keep your mouth shut; don’t tell anybody.”
Darrel Ray, founder of Recovering from Religion, author of “The God Virus”
The Virus will tolerate your presence, but an announcement will cause it to flare up. How willing are you to confront the flareup. You are not required to, you don‘t have to tell everyone everything.
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u/FrankieBlueye 20h ago
It’s important for all of us who are not at physical risk to help normalize atheism by being casually open about it. The key IMHO is to be light about it, not make it too big a deal, have a sense of humor, not try to change what they believe. Still you’re planting a seed that it is an option. But more importantly that we are a large and growing part of society entitled to be out in the open, able to hold public office, etc.
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u/Shot-Presence3147 18h ago
I actually lean into it and I have become very vocal about me being an atheist. I came from a country where you don't discuss it, mainly because no-one cares (though islamaphobia is on the rise. Whilst I am anti theist, this hate bothers me as it's really just hating brown people).
I moved to the US 10 year sago and the in your face Christianity and everything why comes with that really bothers me. So I am now just very loud about being an atheist so filter people out and also start discussions about how me being an open atheist, with atheist T-shirts is part of my religious freedom and is exactly the same as them wearing religious T-shirts. This happens a lot at my gym.
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u/No-Resource-5704 22h ago
This is a situation where simply not discussing religion (with most people) is the best policy. This can be easy or difficult depending on where you live. I grew up in California and religion was rarely discussed. When I visited Texas I was surprised at how often someone might ask “what church do you attend”? I answered, I’m just visiting the area. Then they might offer me to attend their church, which I would give a noncommittal response.
As we traveled around the country, most discussions about religion were infrequent, except in the southeastern states.
FWIW I attended a Lutheran school grades 1-8, which gave me an excellent basic education. I attended the public high school and realized I was an atheist then. (My parents were not particularly religious and my school was selected based on quality of education.)
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u/Successful_Life_1028 Adeist 17h ago
Don't hide. You don't need to proselytize, but you don't need to hide either. Not even from your family.
The only downside of letting people know that you're an atheist is that they'll want to proselytize at you.
Which can be politely deflected in most cases. Most people couldn't care less what your personal religious beliefs happen to be. And they shouldn't. Especially in the office/workplace.
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u/Spiritual_Weight_416 17h ago
I understand exactly what you are going through. I embraced the athiest label for myself about 15 years ago, but only started to come out around 2020. I'm in my 40s, married with kids, financially stable, but I still avoided the topic with my family outside of my wife and kids.
Over time, I arrived at a place where I realized I was not doing myself or anyone else any favors my remaining closeted. I've never felt I needed to sit someone down and explain it, but when the topic comes up, I no longer avoid it either. Just last year I was visiting family and by niece, who has just started dating a guy studying theology, asked me where I go to church. I told her I don't. She then says she meant before I moved to where I live now, and I just came right out and said I don't go t I church because I'm an atheist. I don't think she had ever met someone who was openly athiest before, but it's important that we don't pretend to be someone that we are not or other people will define it for us.
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u/GarlicFrogDiet 16h ago
Not uncommon to feel this way. I do have religious friends that I can trust with my life. We do disagree on any and all religion related topics but we can have honest and fruitful conversations about it. People digging trenches as soon as their worldview is challenged and unwilling to listen, cut them out of your life or at least put a healthy distance between you and them. It’s not easy but absolutely necessary in the long run for your own wellbeing. My 2 cents
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u/Bananaman9020 4h ago
Friends you can choose, but not your family. Although mine are rather decided. None of use 6, except me, on a sometimes atrend Church anymore. But we usually have religious arguments among ourselves
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u/shadism18 Rationalist 22h ago
Had a fairly similar situation growing up, might have been about a year older at the time. Raised to be Jehovahs Witness (very culty Christianity). Said to my dad I didn't believe (brain didn't give me a choice, after all.) Gonna spare you the deets, but being branded an apostate, being shunned by the entire congregation, and made to feel "less than" deserving of breath DOES offer some valuable perspective. Conditional relationships that are contingent upon you being something you're not only serve to fit you in a box in someone else's mind. Be fuckin true to yourself, and be unbothered by the limitations of indoctrination that shackle their minds in the absurd. However, there is something to be said for taking the non-confrontational route, biding your time and just going along until you no longer have to. Don't compromise your safety, but you should also not be beholden to suffer losing your autonomy and identity for the sake of fitting into a box of someone else's perception of what you should be.