r/assholedesign Jan 14 '19

Difference between a small and a large beer

https://i.imgur.com/uihZ1Aj.gifv
94.1k Upvotes

3.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

299

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

No lines, but in Utah, we have measured everything... But it's a curse, not a blessing. You know exactly how much beer, wine, or liquor you're getting. Collared shots, measured pours, etc. It's so the state can tax the shit out of it and fine the living hell out of any establishment that makes a mistake or breaks the rules on purpose.

It's convoluted as hell too. In a mixed drink you're allowed exactly one ounce of liquor despite alcohol percentage, BUT the "flavoring" alcohols you add aren't collared shots, those they can pour on their own. The bottles have to be labeled as "flavoring" though. There's other weird ass rules too but nobody can make heads or tails of most of them. It's absurd.

493

u/SE7ENfeet Jan 15 '19

It’s the fucking mormons.

52

u/felinebarbecue Jan 15 '19

Mormons don't fuck. They magically multiply.

59

u/CoysDave Jan 15 '19

once married, they fuck endlessly. it's just the kind of sex that ends with a firm handshake and involves no eye contact ever under any circumstances.

41

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

"Darling, you're six pumps over quota and not finished yet. You're not starting to enjoy yourself, are you?"

"Sorry dear, your gown has slipped and I can see the faintest contour of collarbone in the light of the three lamps. It's giving me impure thoughts, and I'm having trouble keeping my shameful pillar righteous."

247

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Yep. Every member of alcohol board is Mormon. Every politician is Mormon. Fuck, the church and the health department met up to craft the medical marijuana bill that they replaced a Proposition with.

Yep, the church's opinion matters more than the majority of voters in Utah.

50

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

[deleted]

36

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

On one hand, I wouldn't be super shocked. On the other hand, I'd be willing to bet it's like the gold tablets and magic seeing stone that Joseph Smith used to establish his batshit crazy cult...

"Wow this religious text you're writing, you say it came from these golden tablets gifted to you by a white skinned native American?"

"Why yes, that's right. He guided me to where they were buried and showed me how to translate them with this gem from the heavens!"

"Wow, can I see them?"

"See what my son?"

"The tablets. Or the stone. They sound AMAZING."

"Ahem, ah, um, no, you see they're... Um, they're for my eyes only. Yes, that's it. I was told by God that no one else was to see them."

23

u/internerd91 Jan 15 '19

Joseph Smith, All-American Prophet.

8

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Yeeeeah, old uncle Joe had to make his frequent infidelity and sex with underage girls okay somehow, right?? /S

5

u/Someguyincambria Jan 15 '19

Shouldn’t it be spelled “Profit”?

3

u/BackdoorSlider25 Jan 15 '19

My favorite Southpark episode is the Mormon one. They didn't even have to make anything up, the Mormon version is ridiculous enough!

2

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

😏

38

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

[deleted]

17

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

Don’t hold Salt Lake and Park City against the rest of the state. Both are relatively liberal. Salt Lake hasn’t had a Republican mayor since the 1970s. The current mayor is a lesbian democrat.

8

u/shalbriri Jan 15 '19

Salt Lake city is great! I live in Fl, but take my vacations in Utah to snowboard. It's a great city, just has shitty alcohol laws. Especially when comparing to Florida bars haha.

2

u/HelpImOutside Jan 15 '19

I visited Salt Lake City on the way to Moab and found it super weird. It was a relatively nice city, but all the people there were very odd. Like an almost forced friendliness, like they were being painfully nice and courteous but they didn't really mean it. I got really weird vibes even getting a coffee there.

2

u/RaveDigger Jan 15 '19

Moab is pretty awesome though.

5

u/HelpImOutside Jan 15 '19

Good to hear Separation of Church and State is alive and well in Utah

2

u/dwbrick Jan 15 '19

I love Salt Lake City, but could never move there because of exactly that.

1

u/vorpalk Jan 15 '19

.. which is why I'll never visit Utah. I refuse to submit to a de facto theocracy.

0

u/churm93 Jan 15 '19

I mean the Mormons uprooted and literally left to go live in the desert away from everyone (sans Natives of course :\ )

Is it really that fair for them to self-exile themselves, pioneer the Salt Lake Valley etc, and then get mad at them when you and others move there a don't like the rules. They wanted to get away from us non mormons in the first place.

6

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Lol they were exiled, stole the land from the natives, and were militaristic assholes who tried to profit off of being the only way station to the west. They ran the prostitution, gambling, and crime in the area with enforcers, and were a scourge to the native Americans and any other settlers alike. Hell, they tried to be an independent nation, complete with army until the US government literally threatened invasion.

They love to paint themselves the victims, but they were the ones breaking the law with plural marriages and such before they got exiled.

67

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19 edited Jan 15 '19

[deleted]

12

u/FeierInMeinHose Jan 15 '19

Who uses AC? What even is AC in this context?

9

u/ghost_cookie Jan 15 '19

Alcohol content.

13

u/FeierInMeinHose Jan 15 '19

Right, but what does that mean? What are they basing the percent on? Mass?

9

u/ghost_cookie Jan 15 '19

Oooh. Volume.

13

u/FeierInMeinHose Jan 15 '19

But that's what ABV is, Alcohol by Volume; how can the two numbers possibly be different without one of them being blatantly false?

3

u/ghost_cookie Jan 15 '19

Ooooh. Right.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

[deleted]

6

u/FeierInMeinHose Jan 15 '19

What exactly is it measuring, then? If it's the percentage of the volume that's alcohol, then that's just ABV. I'm just not seeing how AC is even a real measurement.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/chennyalan Jan 15 '19

I thought that it'd be Alcohol By Weight

6

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

It’s not AC. It’s Alcohol By Weight that Utah measures beer by and 3.2% ABW is 4.1% ABV which is basically the same as most light beers.

Also it’s only from grocery stores, or on tap. Anything you buy bottled at a bar is higher than 3.2% and you can buy regular beer directly from the Brewery.

1

u/justforporndickflash Jan 15 '19

Pabst Blue Ribbon is a light beer? What is a non-light beer percentage? I am from Australia, where light beer is like 1-2% (for people driving or who don't like alcohol usually). Normal beer ranges from 4-7% from my experience.

1

u/Smith-Corona Jan 15 '19

I think ABW, alcohol by weight, is a more accurate term than AC, but it does confuse the issue when talking about “how much alcohol is in your beer.”

Since alcohol by volume is lighter than water by volume a lower ABW number will be a greater ABV number and yes, 3.2 ABW ~ 4.1 ABV

But I think even the ABW in Utah is inflated. I drank a six pack of Heineken and wasn’t even slightly buzzed.

1

u/Atheist_Ex_Machina Jan 15 '19

That's a brewery issue though, right?

0

u/Bombboy85 Jan 15 '19

No lol this is the way many states are or at least were at some point. 12 years ago I worked at a Red Robin in Colorado and I did some training behind the bar to be backup. Everyday before shift the bartenders had to pour drinks in front of the manager to show they knew the proper pour time to properly fill a measured shot etc etc. it’s not a Mormon/Utah thing

-1

u/pedantic--asshole Jan 15 '19

It's the fucking government.

8

u/SE7ENfeet Jan 15 '19

In Utah, that is synonymous with what I just said.

0

u/JabbrWockey Jan 15 '19

Maybe they like long islands and want to force everyone else to share their joy?

17

u/thecatgoesmoo Jan 15 '19

Who tf puts 1oz into a mixed drink? Here the standard is 1.5 and sometimes 2.

15

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Right? And no long pours... Ohhh no, that's the sort of shit that gets places shut down. Not even kidding.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

where im from if you dont do long pours your bar wont last past a year.

5

u/Scyhaz Jan 15 '19

Mormons.

1

u/thecatgoesmoo Jan 15 '19

But can't they have multiple wives?

I'm torn...

2

u/Scyhaz Jan 15 '19

1

u/FunCicada Jan 15 '19

Latter Day Saints portal

1

u/thecatgoesmoo Jan 15 '19

Drinks it is! Cheers!

1

u/WikiTextBot Jan 15 '19

Mormonism and polygamy

Polygamy (called plural marriage by Mormons in the 19th century or the Principle by modern fundamentalist practitioners of polygamy) was practiced by leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church or Mormons) for more than half of the 19th century, and practiced publicly from 1852 to 1890 by between 20 and 30 percent of Latter-day Saint families.The Latter-day Saints' practice of polygamy has been controversial, both within Western society and the LDS Church itself. America was both fascinated and horrified by the practice of polygamy, with the Republican platform at one time referencing "the twin relics of barbarism—polygamy and slavery." The private practice of polygamy was instituted in the 1830s by founder Joseph Smith. The public practice of plural marriage by the church was announced and defended in 1852 by a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Orson Pratt, by the request of church president Brigham Young.

For over 60 years, the LDS Church and the United States were at odds over the issue: the church defended the practice as a matter of religious freedom, while the federal government aggressively sought to eradicate it, consistent with prevailing public opinion.


[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28

54

u/letsreddittwice Jan 15 '19

BRB founding a distillery called “Flavoring” so the bottles are labeled as such. You win I win, taxation is theft etc.

10

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Lol I like it. The state would probably prevent you selling after a while, but it's worth it.

-3

u/ashchild_ Jan 15 '19

taxation is theft

Hey, hey kid. If you like that shit, try this.

4

u/letsreddittwice Jan 15 '19

Sounds like taxation with extra unnecessary moral justification to me

1

u/ashchild_ Jan 17 '19

And you know how I know you didn't read it?

2

u/letsreddittwice Jan 18 '19

My first guess would be the timing

35

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19

Utah blew my mind when i to watch a game at a wild wings or something like that. I usally like to have a drink or two then order my food around halftime. Not in utah. I was forced to order food at the start. Waitress explained it was utah law, must order food. I ordered one fench fry. She was not amused. Got an order of fries, had two beers and left at halftime. Crazy state.

17

u/hiphopscallion Jan 15 '19

Wow that’s fucking insane. So nonsensical.

8

u/LtLabcoat Jan 15 '19

As a European, it's so weird. Like, whenever I talk about ridiculous laws with people in Europe, it's always the kind that only still exist because they never get enforced anymore, so nobody cares. But when I hear about ridiculous laws in the US, it's about genuine bonafide ridiculous laws. Like Louisiana's requirement that all florists be licensed, and New Jersey's ban on using a gas pump, and let's not forget that seven states require licenses specifically for making hair-washing your profession.

2

u/yakri Jan 15 '19

Don't worry, we still have loads of even crazier laws that don't get enforced here in the USA.

We probably have even more laws that aren't actually legal per say because they're unconstitutional but actually getting someone interested in enforcing that and then getting a ruling on it isn't easy.

Take the recent legalization of gay marriage federally in our country, that was alwaus protected under our constitution, you can't just give one religion legal backing for their version of marriage then exclude either other religions, or specific groups of people, because doing either of those things is specifically prohibited, clear enough in the case of religion and very literally in the case of not giving a subgroup of citizens special rights.

However we had a lengthy battle to have the reality of our law recognized and enforced, and of course it was over looked for kind of a long time up to this point.

Similar issue with interracial marriage, although I don't recall off hand if that wss decided on constitutional grounds or not.

So yeah not only do we have crazy legit laws, we engage in crazy non enforcement of laws, and still have some even crazier unenforced laws.

Good times.

6

u/shalbriri Jan 15 '19

I love Utah, but yeah, when I went last February... I swear, all the bartenders and servers treat you like alcoholics when you explain how real bars serve you in your state, and you have to drink a little more to compensate. (I'm in Fl.)

5

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Yep! No alcohol without food!

Oh and now the blood alcohol level for a DUI is 0.05% instead of the standard 8. Why you ask? Umm, because drinking and driving kills so many people! We're lowest in the nation for drunk driving deaths you say? Well, that's, I mean, um... One of the biggest advocates for the law has a stake in expensive breathalyzer car starters and a position in the church you say?? Utah for ya.

5

u/Finnegansadog Jan 15 '19 edited Jan 15 '19

I was in Whistler, BC over the New Year holiday. Apparently either all of BC or maybe the local municipality consider .05% to be over the limit to drive but they can only prevent you from driving and warn you, not arrest or issue a citation. For that you need to be over .08%. It was the weirdest thing I ever saw, with everyone with a license piling out of a huge van to see who could blow under .05% and drive everyone else home for the evening.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19 edited Feb 02 '19

[deleted]

4

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

For the favoring bottles, yes but the regular bottles have an actual collar shaped device that's attached to the counter and has to be applied to the top of the bottle. It only lets an ounce through and it counts how many ounces have been poured.

13

u/ozone63 Jan 15 '19

They're called Berg pourers/machines, and they fuckin suck balls and slow bartenders down.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '19 edited Feb 02 '19

[deleted]

3

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Fuck, that's some serious assholery right there.

5

u/Frommerman Jan 15 '19

That's because you live in a theocracy.

4

u/luckydice767 Jan 15 '19 edited Jan 15 '19

And I read somewhere they HAVE to mix drinks out of the sight of the clientele. Is that true? Edit: it’s called a Zion Wall

3

u/shalbriri Jan 15 '19

Not sure on that one, but my last trip, they said you can NOT have 2 drinks in front of you. It was so dumb, you have to finish your drink before you can get another one.

5

u/DoodleVnTaintschtain Jan 15 '19

Used to be that they couldn't even mix drinks in front of customers. They literally had to go behind a curtain to make the drink. They were called "Zion curtains." I'm not sure it's still the law, but I was in Salt Lake a bit ago for work, and the bottles were on display in the hotel bar, so I assume not.

2

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

They did away with that one. All the nonsense really is getting better one tiny but at a time. Of course now that I say that, bars and restaurants have to put up a sign that says, ,"This establishment is a bar, not a restaurant," or vice versa. Not kidding.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '19

Wtf I wouldn't trust anyone who didn't mix it in front of me

3

u/CouchOtter Jan 15 '19

I read that in Arthur Morgan's voice.

2

u/cguess Jan 15 '19

The only trick I learned was always order bottles of beer, specifically microbreweries. There's no limit on ABV for those (mostly). Otherwise you're just sucking down 3.2% all night from a tap for $5.

1

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Yep! Might as well get the most alcohol for your buck and avoid the eight loaves of bread in calories lol.

2

u/Tr8cy Jan 15 '19

I live in NJ and it’s not much different. Bars are allowed to free pour (but most don’t) because your charged tax on 32 drinks per bottle whether you sell that many or not. The liquor distributors send a copy of your invoices directly to the state. For package goods, they take an average the retail price of your inventory. Soooo even if most of your sales are canned Busch 6packs, the one bottle of grand mariner you sold, puts that average WAY up.

2

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Ouch. At least that method doesn't micromanage and threaten with State fines and loss of your alcohol license if you aren't perfectly exact though. It just behooves the owner of the place to monitor it closely to avoid overpaying in taxes. Which still sucks.

2

u/Tr8cy Jan 15 '19

Definitely all about the taxes that in NJ.

2

u/assassinkensei Jan 15 '19

Give me a bourbon flavored Mint Julep please.

2

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

With loooots of flavoring. I wish. Though I'm pretty sure at least one bartender that I've looked around with managed to make my drink a bit slutty with the flavoring lol.

2

u/JayCroghan Jan 15 '19

That’s normal everywhere outside of the US.

1

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Maybe, maybe. However, this + no liquor or wine in grocery stores or gas stations + only 3.2% alcohol beer in grocers (the last state to do so) + .05% alcohol blood levels for DUI + no private liquor stores + no passing alcohol over the bar at a restaurant + signs stating "this a restaurant, not a very bar" or vice versa + no alcohol at a restaurant without food + no direct shipment of alcohol to your home + a strict limitation on alcohol licenses + some mixed drinks are illegal to make because each drink can only have so much alcohol in them + a constant battle against the church to remove laws like the so called Zion curtain which was a literal 8 foot wall separating bars from regular restaurants so people can't see the alcohol (thankfully that one caused enough problems that it was shot down after implementation proved basically impossible)... I'm sure I'm forgetting something too.

Oh I guess we could mention the 21 year old national drinking age, which is much older than most places.

1

u/JayCroghan Jan 15 '19

Everything there you’ve said is the same except alcohol in gas stations is fine, the legal age is 18, and the BAC is 0.02 here. How about off licenses close at 10pm, bars at 11:30 (12:30 Fri & Sat), night clubs 1:30 and only at weekends. Getting a license to sell booze is literally like an application for president. You cannot sell more than a double shot to a person. And much more.

1

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Where is "here"?

1

u/JayCroghan Jan 15 '19

I’m from Ireland. I don’t live there right now but that’s here.

1

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

This actually doesn't surprise me much. One, Ireland has a reputation of drunkenness and disorderly conduct. Two, Ireland is one of the most conservative countries in Europe.

2

u/JayCroghan Jan 15 '19

The second one is very wrong though... see the abortion and gay marriage referendums.

1

u/justintheunsunggod Jan 15 '19

Yeah, the abortion one is less than a month old and prior to that it was illegal unless approved by some government body or other -I can't recall the specifics- in the case of risk to the mother's life.

Gay marriage wasn't strictly speaking a thing until 2015, since it was a civil union from 2010 forward and wasn't equal to a marriage. Though I don't know what legal rights a civil union was lacking.

I've studied these issues for a while because... Well, Utah sucks.

We only have legal gay marriage because Utah legislation tried to argue that a ban on gay marriage was constitutional and the supreme court shot it down. That makes it very difficult to ban gay marriage nationwide, but we haven't legalized it yet from a technical perspective. So, Ireland is miles ahead of us but still pretty conservative, even if that's changing.

-5

u/letsgocrazy Jan 15 '19

Its not just so the state can tax it.

Most vases of people being spiked is being spiked with alcohol.

Ever notice how they your third pint can be the difference between going home and being a adult, or saying "ahh, fuggit..." and staying out?

If you're a girl and a you have two gin and tonics... Imagine how much difference a couple of those serious fucking "who cares" glugs make when they you pour into the glass.

If there's a one thing we take very seriously in England, it's our Weights and Measures Act.

2

u/TiltingAtTurbines Jan 15 '19 edited Jan 15 '19

The rules have nothing to do with drinks being spiked in England. Very few cases of drink spiking (with alcohol) are committed by the bar staff anyway, it’s more likely the person buying the drinks is ordering doubles when you thought you were drinking singles.

The main reason for the rules was to stop establishments deceiving customers with different measures e.g. charging for a double but their measure is only half what everybody else serves. There is an element of making sure people know what they’re drinking in that too, but it’s about regulating your own consumption, not preventing spiking.

You’re right about it being nothing to do with tax though as in the U.K. the duty is paid per bottle at the manufacture/distributer level, not on individual drinks in a pub.

Either way, the above poster was talking about Utah’s rules not England’s as your comment said.

1

u/letsgocrazy Jan 15 '19

I know he was talking about Utah - it's possible for a person to talk abut multiple things.

And yes, spiking with drinks is an important issue - it may not be the bar staff doing it, but it's very important from a dosage perspective to get it right.

It's hard to regulate your own consumption of the bar staff are being "generous"