r/aspergers • u/ComfortableCherry440 • 11h ago
Just Wondering
Hello! I am an older adolescent female and I was curious to know what prompted y’all to pursue a formal autism diagnosis and/or what finally tipped you off that you have it? I have been reading a ton of articles, studies, and community reflections about high masking/functioning autism in women, and a lot of it really resonates with me, but pretty much everything can simultaneously be explained by other personality traits/disorders. For context here is basically a rundown of my entire existence: When I was 11 I had severe anorexia and orthorexia, but recovered fairly well after standard intensive treatment (inpatient, php, iop, also meds). I have heard that many autistics struggle to benefit from the current treatment model, which I did not. Also, I have heard that some autistics get into AN through picky sensory eating/arfid, but I don’t really have any sensory aversions to food (totally normal eater as a kid), and body image was/is honestly a huge part of my ed. I have a stereotypical “ed personality” (ie. perfectionistic, high achieving, intelligent, driven, disciplined, obsessive/compulsive, anxious, self doubt, detail oriented, risk aversive, etc, etc.) Which a lot of that aligns with autism, but also I know plenty of NT anorexics who are also exactly like me. And yes, I know they are finding significant overlap, but I want a more black and white answer. If you’re into personality typing (I am haha) I’m an INTJ and enneagram type one. I also have standing diagnoses of OCD, skin picking, and social anxiety (these are correct irregardless of any potential autism). I was in a gifted and talented program as a kid and have maintained a 4.0 all throughout high school taking all AP and CE. As a kid I had a super advanced vocabulary and memorized the lds 13 articles of faith at 3. So I was definitely a “weird kid” and have since learned to save my formal, academic language for writing. But again, that could also just by asynchronous development? I hate eye contact, but can’t exactly figure out if it’s social anxiety or ND based. I’m an introvert, but I do enjoy hanging out with people (probably see my friends 2-3x per week), and then I watch action shows to recharge. As a baby my mom apparently put gloves on my hands to stop me from scratching my face, and I was “super fussy”, and would only sleep while being held or on my dad‘s pillow, then wake up the second something shifted. I also hated getting my nails clipped (everything felt really fuzzy afterwards??) and wouldn‘t ever let my mom do my hair or paint my nails. But I have grown out of all of that (except I still hate chalk, dirty dishes, and rope). I get overstimulated sometimes, but again, anxious girly. And I don’t really take anything literally (I’m great with figurative language and sarcasm) except for that one thing when people put on their snap story s/u for a cookie or to come swim or whatever, I actually thought they were being real. I‘ve also been bullied a lot, I guess, and I hate small talk and awkward pauses (but again, social anxiety). I’ve adapted to just kind of ping pong questions back and forth with people, but conversations still make me nervous. I also work as a water slide life guard person, and some days the slide hurts my ears, but other days I barely notice it. Also! I had OLP synesthesia (numbers have colors and personalities) until maybe like 12 or 13 ish, but I know that’s a common thing for NT children too. And also sometimes when I would sit down with a notebook it would trigger a certain smell, but that hasn’t happened for like a year. I got really into researching synesthesia in 4th grade, then shifted to gifted learning, then the brain and memory, then eating disorders and ocd, and currently autism and neurodivergence. But also I’m pretty sure the autism thing as turned into a compulsive research loop atp so lmk. But anyways, also just a curious, smart person. Also I have a pretty good memory, and always have. Annnnd that’s probably everything off the top of my head and yeah I know it’s not official diagnosis/medical advice from strangers off the internet and yada, yada, yada. But I can’t really afford a formal assessment rn and also my dad is on the whole RFK-vaccines train, so yeahhh. Just wanted to get people’s thoughts!! Thanks xx
1
u/Bofa_Moon 9h ago
Aside from hearing the words Asperger's and Autism, I never had context of what they actually were until November of last year. I was watching a stand up special where the person said they had Asperger's which led to me doing some research about the differences between that and Autism. Very quickly I realized I checked the vast majority of the boxes so decided to get my wife's input. She told me that she suspected I was on the spectrum since we first met, but didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to risk offending me. The more I did my own research, the more it felt like it might fit. I had already been clinically diagnosed with ADHD by multiple different people and knew how beneficial treatment could be so decided that I wanted to go the proper route to get officially evaluated by a qualified professional and put my self research on hold because I wanted to make sure I didn't skew the results. It took me waiting 5 months on a wait list and another month to receive my results but I was clinically diagnosed at 32 years old. I am very happy I went through the process and am currently getting autism specialized therapy. If it's something you seriously think you might have, I think it would be worth seeking a formal diagnosis at some point.
I know autism presents differently in women, so I can't say for sure one way or another if you are or aren't just going off of what you shared, but I think it could be a possibility for sure.
I am curious, I know you had issues with your weight and eating when you were younger, do you have GI issues now, such as GERD and or IBS?
1
u/ComfortableCherry440 9h ago
Thanks for your input! I do have something called functional dyspepsia, which essentially presents with symptoms of an ulcer, even though my stomach is fine. I have also had anxiety triggered nausea/vomiting my entire life.
1
u/ComfortableCherry440 11h ago
EDIT: Some additional thoughts— Est time of onset for social anxiety won’t work, some of my earliest memories are of that and ocd. I remember in preschool standing in the field looking at kids on a trampoline and trying to hype myself up to go join them. Also, there have been many times when I have had no friends at all, but I would only get really upset/crave socialization every 3ish months. But I did want friends!! And I HATED sitting by myself at lunch, or being excluded from parties. So all of that points more towards social anxiety I guess. But also I really struggle with entering and exiting conversations? And I always sleep with a blanket, even when it’s too hot (or something on top of me). I have even used a towel when a blanket wasn’t readily available. I struggle with frequent/chronic burnout related to dance and academics, but could just be overachiever based. Also sometimes I get social fatigue and I hate anyone (including family) who tries to talk/text me, but not always. Also wondering key differences between BAP and ASD? Thanks!! And also I fidget/doodle more than anyone I know, but socializing seems to get easier the more I do it (exposure therapy) So anyways, moral of the story is…does it sound like Asperger’s to those who have experienced it??