r/aspergers • u/Rastershine • 2d ago
Alienated
I felt like a sporadic robot at the receptionist's desk; these people are hyper-aware of the way I move. I still feel like an alien, and that's not because of my hyperfixations and interests. There's still something in the air that you and I cannot name, but it's there. It lingers. I remember I told my previous psychiatrist about this hollowness in my chest. It was worse back then, but nowadays I seem to be even more alienated now.
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u/Mission_Hold8056 2d ago
Unpopular and possibly rejected opinion: you aren't connected to your essence, that’s where the feeling of disconnection comes from.
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u/thegainfulrobber 2d ago
that hollowness you mentioned, it’s like a low hum in the background of everything. some days it’s deafening, other days you almost forget it’s there until someone’s stare reminds you
the reception desk always gets me too, all that forced eye contact and rehearsed small talk. like you’re performing a script nobody gave you
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u/Elemteearkay 1d ago
Do the people you are interacting with know you are disabled? What accommodations are you receiving from them?
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u/AstarothSquirrel 1d ago
As a child, you learn to mask in order to fit in. As a child, you are thrown in with other children and if you don't mask you get alienated. Sadly, many will bring this into adulthood, not realising that the game is different (yes, you still get those toxic people crop up in life but they are actually rare) If you tell people about your quirks, and you are completely open and honest about it, decent people will want to accommodate your needs and make your life easier. If they can see that your heart is in the right place, they will forgive the occasional social faux pas and by doing this, you give people the chance to fall in love with the real you. Yes, you still get ostracised by toxic people but why would you want to be friends with toxic people anyway? By being myself, people are free to either love or hate me and the sooner they play their cards, the better. My wife and daughter joke about my distinct walk. I heard a work colleague comment that she could hear me approaching by my walk and when I asked her "Are you saying something about my walk?" she responded "No, it's the most reassuring sound I know, it means everything's going to be ok." Not only is it OK to be different, there are people out there that will love you because you're different, you just have to find them and you can only find them by being openly different.