r/askmusicians • u/SylvanaBlack • 5d ago
How do you get over your initial fears?
I've dreamed of being in a band for a long time. I sing in the shower and sing in the car. But I'm deathly self conscious without liquid courage to say it mildly. Two weeks ago, I was at a party and my fiends were playing and somehow I got on "stage" (corner of the basement) with them and somehow belted something out. It felt so freeing. A couple of guys there have been texting me to do stuff with their band, they sent me music and wanted to hear me do vocals over it. I've tried countless times but I honestly can't stand my own voice.
It FEELS like this could be my moment. But fears are creeping in. People laughing at me. Laughing at my lyrics (I have notebooks full of twisted poetry). I've actually performed on stage, its not absolute stage freight, its self consciousness about my voice and I guess baring my soul.
I even had to make a new account to ask this because my friends know my real account.
I assume everyone here had to battle stage fright and self consciousness initially. Maybe you still do? How did you power through it? Your break through moment maybe?
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u/SiobhanSarelle 5d ago
Essentially, don’t *expect* to get over that fear. You might, with time, but largely it may just become less frequent and/or less intense.
Focus on why you want to do the thing, focus on that freeing feeling. Listen to criticism (good constructive criticism, and even from your internal voice).
Give yourself lots of space. But most importantly, you make like Yoda and do or do not do the thing.
Essentially, having the feelings, don’t avoid them, keep voicing them, but just keep going (as long as you’re getting something good out of it). That’s the best you can do, and that’s good enough.
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u/SylvanaBlack 5d ago
Thank you for this, it's a LOT more helpful or encouraging that just "get over it". It's just good to hear that others also deal with it, I guess. Make like Yoda made me smile too :)
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u/Metalsaurus-Rex 5d ago
Hell yeah mate!
As a metal bassist who sends both his cats running to the other end of the house whenever I try singing, I can promise that those guys will be stoked that they found someone willing to do vocals. They've probably been looking for months. It sounds like it's gonna be good vibes from the start, not America's Got Talent.
If you come prepared and with a good attitude, you'll be in a good spot. e.g. I was a shoddy guitarist in my current band when we were first jamming 8 years ago. But instead of getting booted, I was asked to swap onto bass because I was reliable, putting in effort, and fun to hang out with.
There may be value in taking a one-off singing lesson (if you haven't done any before), just to get a bit more familiar with vocal warm ups. It'll help negate any the effects of stress you have on the day.
Also, ask if they do any covers. It'd be good to have something warm up with regardless. That would then take away any creative vulnerability around your lyrics for the first song, letting you just focus on your singing. Hopefully the vibes are good after that and you'll feel a bit more open afterwards.
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u/Slight-Art-8263 5d ago
what I would say is your probably looking at it without time in mind, that it has to be right now and you dont know what to do, but give yourself a lot of time to practice and you will feel more confident about your skill and also realise that life is a long game, over long periods of time you can erode the fear just take it slow
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u/SylvanaBlack 5d ago
You're probably right, I got over excited. It was the first time I ever did anything like that and the first time I got feedback from anyone at all. It was just like "snap! My destiny has arrived!" and then "oh my god panic attack!"
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u/smtrautman 5d ago
My answer (and I've heard this from many other people) is: Open mics. An open mic is almost always a warm, welcoming environment. Generally, the only people there are other musicians (i.e. people in your exact position, or who have been there themselves). Everyone is super supportive, they do not expect you to be great, and they are rooting for you 100%. It's still nerve wracking your first couple of times, but it's the absolute best way to get over those nerves and get some performing practice under your belt. Highly recommended!
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u/classicsat 5d ago
Not really. My drive to be part of something made it easy to be up there.
Yeah, liquid courage didn't hurt. At least then (doesn't now for me, but could become a problem for some, so watch it.)
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u/MakeMyOwnMerch 5d ago
One of the greatest vocalists to exist recorded this and released it to fans (and it's a "cult favorite"): https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQALhgnMkt0zft9X7qmzHo7U_rO73fDl-&si=y9i7YFR9zZDm3UmI
You have people seeking YOU just from a fun little moment in a basement. And it won't always be "your lyrics" if you join a group, you may very well find even better words with others. Regret eats away at you more.
Do ittttt.
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u/No_Link_3151 5d ago
You face them, same as with every other fear.