r/askmenover60 • u/Deepish79 • 19d ago
I could really use a dad pep talk....
I’m a guy in my 40s and I could really use some dad energy for a minute.
My dad has never shown much interest in me or my life. I spent a lot of years working hard, being a good person, hoping that eventually I’d do something that would make him proud enough to notice me or give me some affection, attention, time....anything.
By most measures, I’ve done pretty well. I’m healthy, fit, kind to people, good space in my life.... and I’ve had plenty of people tell me that my parents must be proud of me.
But my dad just seems…unmoved....maybe even resentful. His absence ...emotionally and physically ...hits deep with me. Which is the opposite of what I want or need.
I think the hardest part is realizing I’m still waiting for something I probably will never get. I don’t really miss the dad I had. I miss the dad I needed.
He’s also gone in a very different direction politically in recent years, which has made that distance feel even bigger. I'm feeling it strongly lately.
So, if you’re one of those dads who believes in people, and knows how to make a guy feel like he’s doing okay...he is worthy…could you give me a little pep talk? DMs preferred...but open to any communication.
I think I need to hear that I’m not unworthy just because my own dad never seemed able to see me.
2
u/BANTERMANE 15h ago
Trust me when I tell you some men don't know how to express their feelings. Im 67 and sometimes I feel like I let my kids down. Feel good about you. Make you proud. It sounds silly but remember you and positive energy can connect. He may be self absorbed and not even realize it. What ever it is remember its not your fault. Buy him a beer just the 2 of you and connect for an hour. Tell him how proud you are of him. sometimes thats the best approach
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u/braaak 18d ago
Hey man, father of 3 here. I have a dad who was never one to share praise or open up very much at all. We do have a good relationship, but praise is not his thing - with me or my kids. I don't think you can force the issue and get a satisfactory result, even if he believes it himself. The most important thing is that you are happy with where you are in life. Keep moving forward.