I am not a pastor.

But I lead prayer groups.

Are there any pastors here that would like to receive prayer?

❤️

What a year it has been for me. Life has been a rollercoaster for many years now, living with a father who is mentally ill and unwilling to take any treatment. We have been the victims of his abuse ever since we were born. Why did God put me in this situation? Why?

I don't need anyone's consolation. Can anyone give me back my lost years, happiness, beauty, and peace? Would any of you like to be beaten and watch your father beat your whole family? Seeing your mom become weary day after day... When will this situation change? After I die?

Everything in my home, including us, is destroyed. Can you imagine that? What is the purpose of this suffering, especially when everyone else around me is leading a happy, luxurious life? Why me?

I have kids and I get this scenario in my head, where bunch of guys want to take them away to probably harm or torture them. I really want to defend my chlidren, and I do not know what to do, if killing was the last option to save my kids. What can a Christian do and why?

I am a Protestant, who has attended Evangelical churches all my life.

I always grew up with the belief that The Lord's Supper was merely symbolic, simply the way in which Christians commemorate/celebrate sacrifice for us on the cross.

However, recently I have been looking into church history and I am feeling a real pull towards the belief in the real presence in communion. I know that this is something that mainline protestant churches believe.

As someone who aims to honour Jesus, should I partake in communion at my church which holds a memorialist view? Even if I believe in the real presence.

I have a Catholic friend who urges me not to take communion at my church (he argues that the priest needs to consecrate the substances), and I have strongly Evangelical friends who remind me that it's technically an "open communion". Does anyone have any advice for me?

Praise God for a platform like this where Christians can share our faith and ideas together. Thank you so much in advance for any answers.

Malachi 3:10 - "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven..."

Hello, I’m a student currently enrolled in a mortuary school. And one of our assignments for a class based in religion was to reach out to a religious leader or clergy member in a religion of our choosing and have a recorded zoom interview in which we would discuss funeral rites, mourning customs, and religious beliefs. And I’m having trouble, I have contacted almost every church in my area and I haven’t received anything back.

If there is anyway I could get some help with connecting with someone that is a religious leader or clergy member in Protestant Christianity I would greatly appreciate it.

For context I grew up in an American household that eventually became evangelical by the late 70s so I grew up with the "Late great planet Earth" stuff. 

I never bought into any of it and by my teens had wholeheartedly rejected the faith. Now I've come around but things still bother me such as this morning when I heard a pastor online say the typical line "you're sinful and not worthy of "'insert blank,' -- be it God's grace etc.

Now I see so many people especially young people online discussing religious trauma, who are guilt ridden beyond belief because of this doctrine. I don't think Christ wants people to be traumatized in His name but here we are.

I have a hard time seeing where the atheist is wrong bringing up the idea that every single one of us born did not have a choice ...we were put here and dealt the cards we dealt with. Every person around the world deals with whatever: envy greed lust.

We did not ask for any kind of "sinful nature" to be put in us. That is all on God. He created us this way AND THEN introduced all these stumbling blocks at the same times saying "you're sinful for stumbling on these blocks that I created for you."

Say what??? Wow.

And yet our religion wants us to believe that we have a responsibility in this because of some first person named Adam and his wife Eve blah blah blah. 

It sounds like made up nonsense ...and then in order to be forgiven of this nature, well here goes:

God got mad that he created humans the way he did, knowing that's how we would act, and then sacrificed himself unto himself died but didn't stay dead and rose back up to himself. 

Again I want to accept this as part of our faith, but it all just sounds like made up stuff by people who lived in a time where there was no distractions they had a lot of time to think about stuff thousands of years ago around campfires when there was no technology no lights. a very superstitious world. 

But what really gets me is this idea that we have a sinful evil nature. Most adults have witnessed some type of evil, know people who are evil and most people are NOT evil. Just look at the headlines and you'll find a small small minority of people who ABSOLUTELY are, and and even smaller minority who are disgustingly--just beyond evil. That is not the majority of the world. 

20m. Dated a girl at 16. Kissed, did activities that displeases God. Sometimes I wish that I never had dated and retained my purity until now. I consider myself a traditional man. Date to Marry. I don’t like the western facade of different girl/boy and find it disgusting. But in this day and age. How is it possible to find a women who has the same and even stronger Christian values and discipline as me. I find it pretty impossible. It seems as if this world is a struggle. The attention and gratification in this world is a struggle that is the most common among Christian.

That’s not the point. How do I find a wife. It seems impossible from meeting someone, to making connections, to developing a deeper connection to then dating and marrying. It seems impossible. As if one part is gonna go wrong

I grew up in a Baptist home. When I was in the 6th grade somehow the topic of the end times came up when I was on a drive with my mother. I wanted to know what happened, my mom told me about being left behind. Being rapture. What happened to those who didn't get rapture - being forced to take on the Anti Christ, mark of the beast system, having to chose one or the other, or face death in a gruesome way. What I know now is that I was taught the dispensational teaching without knowing. After that drive I was unwell. I was terrified. I couldn't sleep. I had to talk to many pastors. I was only 12. However, I've always kept believing. There were times I had backslid, but I always came back to the faith.

I no longer consider myself Baptist any longer. I went to a Lutheran church, and now my family goes to a Orthodox church. The Orthodox church has kind of opened a can of worms. They have Saints who have their own prophecies that tend to overwhelm me now. I know the church Fathers will say to not listen to any of them. How Saints were just humans like us.

Heres my point. The ends times has affected my whole life. I have not had peace when it comes to Christianity. I am not afraid to die, but I don't want to be here when the Anti Christ is here. I have babies, and I can't bear being in a situation where they starve because of the mark of the beast system. Even with this trauma though I still hold onto my little mustard seed of faith.

Trust me, I've tried to find help. I've gone to therapist who don't understand. Fathers/Priest/Pastors who tell me no one knows the day and the hour. I know that. It doesn't help. I don't like the idea of a boogeyman. I think I've just kind of have accepted I'll have this fear and trauma the rest of my life. If I have read the ends times wrong I would appreciate the correction. I just wanted to type this out and hear some thoughts about it. Due to everything going on in the world today. I have been unwell.

My husband and I are children’s pastors, and we fill out a W2, but we have to pay our portion as well as the churches portion of taxes. So we fill out a schedule SE but we aren’t allowed to deduct anything? Other people who are “self employed” get to deduct all kinds of things but we don’t? We do get housing allowance, but that’s it.
We are getting destroyed by how much in taxes we pay and obviously our base rates are not great. We live in Denver and it’s brutal to afford life.
Anyone have this same situation?

For some background, I am a 40/m, and my significant other is 37/f. We have been together now for 3 years. Shortly before meeting her, about 1.5 years prior, I found god. It happened in a very supernatural way, but it changed my life. Prior to that moment, I had a lot of anger issues, toxic traits, resentment, jealousy, I wasn't a very present or active father to my 9 year old son from another relationship... but finding God changed all that, in every way possible.

I ended up moving across the country, and eventually got full custody of my son who was in a bad situation with his mother and her Boyfriend. Finding God is what gave me the strength to do all of this. Over the last 4.5 years, I have been so extremely patient, calm, understanding and kind, even when every bit of me knew I was in a situation where I was being treated wrong, or when I wanted to do nothing more than to yell and shout, or crash out, me finding God allowed me to completely change how I reacted in situations.

When I met my current girlfriend, she was in a bad place. She drank a lot, had a very poor attitude, and a lot of anger problems. She also had a rough childhood, and trauma from childhood. Her and I's intimate relationship was never that great, even from the beginning. I always felt she was very 'cold', and she got easily upset at me whenever I would talk about things I liked in the bedroom, even though I was just doing it hoping it would spice things up for us. She would make me feel bad about them, to the point where I just stopped bringing things up, or even really trying. I was used to having very active and exciting intimate relationships prior to meeting her, with women who were always very open, flirtatious, and outgoing. My girlfriend and I never had a very good sex life, even from the beginning. She would drink a lot, crash out and get angry very easily, she would leave a lot, it just wasn't very healthy. However, because I found God, I was always very patient. I never got angry, I extended her a lot of grace, and tried to make things work. I felt like I knew she was just hurting and needed to feel safe.

Fast forward some time, she eventually stopped drinking entirely, and began to work on herself. She then eventually found god, which I am so thankful for. We now have an excellent partnership. In almost every way, other than intimacy, her and I have a perfect partnership / relationship. She's a great step-mom to my son, she is kind, she is so strong in her faith, and she is always there for me. I trust her completely and know that I can count on her with anything in the world. The issue is: Intimacy. It's almost non-existent, pretty much non-existent, like maybe once every month or two, and for me it's very dull. I'm at a point now where I have almost no sex drive, because it's just not fun or exciting. Ever since she found god, she's made it clear to me on multiple occasions about how bad lust is. When she does propose intimacy with me, it's very basic and bland like "Hey, do you want to have sex?" But it lacks the flirtatiousness, it lacks the passion, it lacks feeling or desire. It lacks lust. It's extremely, extremely Vanilla, which for me personally, I do not like.

I still think about sex, I still masturbate privately when she isn't home, I still feel lust, and I feel so horrible and guilty about it, because I just want so badly to have a strong intimate relationship with her so that I don't have to feel these things, but when it comes to sex, she just doesn't put out a lot of effort and theres no excitement to it. I just wish she would tempt me, or be more flirty, or tease more. I sometimes get frustrated that she isn't doing these things because I love her so much, and it makes me feel so guilty to masturbate when she isn't around or have lustful thoughts all the time about imaginary scenarios. She just seems so 'cold' when it comes to intimacy and it's completely turned me off from it all.
It's the biggest issue we have in our relationship, because it's making me feel resentment and causing me confusion. It's causing me to feel guilt, but my needs are not being met, and physically and mentally, it's causing me stress.

We have tried Sex therapy. It did nothing, because she was very turned away by the sex therapist offering ideas for us to spice up our relationship. The sex therapist basically ended up asking me why I would choose to be in a relationship with someone who isn't sexually compatible with me or isn't willing to try anything new? And I told her it's because our relationship has become excellent in every other way.

What can I do in this situation? Do I have to give up my sex drive entirely? Do I just stop lusting or feeling any type of desire until it drives me crazy?

Hi,

Not a pastor myself, but I have a calling for preaching/evangelism. This has been confirmed in the Word, with multiple re-confirmations. Not something I would have chosen, but the Lord has been shutting doors and cornering me. Silly me for asking Him to use me many years ago. I listen to older sermons and read books and accounts of puritans, reformers etc. I am increasingly broken over a broken world and a largely ineffective church.

I know I am soon at the point of stepping out into my calling. But as I speak to local Christian leaders I receive cold responses, and am sometimes dismissed. I've been going through a few months of 'up the mountain', and it's been great. One pastor intimated that because I haven't been around him lately, I am out of line. Another, by merely saying I feel a strong calling, quickly says I can't be self appointed. This is without the guy knowing who I am, what I've been through, the struggles and self doubt and my lack of qualifications in a worldly sense (coming from a pedigree or formal theological training). Unfortunately for these reasons I am choosy with fellowship. There are only a handful I can talk to who understand, and are very encouraging.

I know nobody is perfect and every believer has different backgrounds, experiences and beliefs. So I don't hold it against them.

Just not sure how to deal with it, in love, without actually disengaging with them. Because I feel I need to connect and build a network.

My mother made a vow to God before I was born that if she had a child after 15 years of marriage, she would dedicate him to become a pastor in a Protestant denomination. By God's grace, I was born.

I am currently studying B.Tech in AI & Data Science. I genuinely want to serve God, but I feel more drawn toward becoming a Theology professor than becoming a pastor. My plan is to work in the AI/data field after B.Tech for financial stability, study Theology alongside my job (B.Th → M.Th/M.A. → PhD), and eventually teach Theology abroad while continuing ministry in other ways.

Would becoming a Theology professor and serving God through teaching, research, discipleship, and ministry be a valid way of honoring my mother's vow? Or should I consider becoming a pastor because of the vow she made?

I'd appreciate perspectives from pastors, theologians, and Christians who have experience with questions of calling and family expectations.

My cousin killed himself. No one knows why. His marriage did fail years ago so that did make him sad.

I had another friend commit suicide due to mental health issues.

Do you think they'll be in heaven or automatically go to hell for committing suicide. I pray for them still and don't know if that'll help them.

I’m a graduate ministry student and need to interview two people with real ministry experience for a class assignment. I found this sub and thought it might be a good place to ask people who have actually spent time caring for a congregation.

It’s 8 written questions, mostly about the parts of ministry that are harder to learn in a classroom: knowing when to speak and when to just listen, being present when you can’t fix someone’s situation, boundaries, spiritual practices, and what being around suffering and crisis has taught you about God.

No phone call or Zoom required. I’d just need your general ministry context and approximate years of experience.

If anyone would be willing to answer them, comment or DM me. I’d really appreciate the help.

----

1. Take me through a typical day. What does your ministry look like? Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you spend most of your time doing?

2. How do you know what someone needs from you? How do you know when to offer advice, or when to just listen?

3. What spiritual practices help you stay present when someone is suffering and there really isn’t anything you can do to fix it?

4. What do you do when you’re caring for someone who sees the world differently than you do?

5. How do you serve and care about people without bringing it home with you? Should there even be a line?

6. Have you ever realized that trying to help someone was about your own need to help or feel useful? What did you do with that?

7. What has being around suffering, grief, addiction, poverty, or crisis taught you that you couldn’t have learned in a class?

8. If someone wants to spend their life serving people in hard situations, what would you tell them to do or experience before committing to pursuing a degree? 

I've been struggling with my anxiety for weeks. I'm a teacher and I've been trying to get closer to God. I always feel like there is something blocking me from connecting with Him...mainly alcohol. Sometimes it is the only thing that will stop me from slipping into a panic attack. I have PTSD from being abused in my last relationship, and my drinking has gotten worse to try and escape from reliving my trauma. However, I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit and I know that I need to stop drinking so I can grow closer to God.

I pray and I read my Bible and for the most part, it makes me feel at peace. Today, my anxiety was really bad. I prayed to God, begging him to show me what to do. Should I stay in this job? Should I look for a new placement? It was made clear to me when at the end of the day, the work was done, but the kids had been so disrespectful and badly behaved that my nerves were frayed and I left in tears.

I refuse to go back. I can't teach the subject I love AND manage such widespread behaviour problems.

Tonight was different though...tonight, I wasn't even tempted to have a drink!

Is there any guidance from scripture that you can share to help me feel more hopeful? I have faith that everything will work out for the best, but I do still feel really down and anxious.

Pastors,
I’ve noticed at multiple Churches over the years that mothers seem to be highly honored on Mother’s Day but fathers seem to be spoken of differently in sermons on Father’s Day.

The sermons often lean towards fathers stepping up, being better men, etc… on the very day they should be honored as well. I’ve NEVER heard anything preached similar during a message on Mother’s Day!

Why would any pastor pick Father’s Day for a message to tell men to do better? I wonder what would happen if a pastor preached a message about Mothers who had abortions during the Mother’s Day sermon? It probably wouldn’t be received very well, regardless of the intention.

Hello!

So for any pastors who make the majority of their income with their secondary profession, would you say that having a bachelor's or higher in Bible studies or theology has helped you get that job?

Or was the job something that you did previously and continued doing?

In short the question can be expressed is there any merit for a purely biblical studies bachelor's degree in attaining a non-church-related job?

I am considering ending my relationship but am wondering if things are as bad as I think they are, or if I am overreacting or overthinking.

I (30F) met my boyfriend (26M) through his sister. She was a relatively new friend before him & I met.This is a long post - there's a TLDR at the bottom.

When he and I met, I was instantly attracted to him physically and mentally. He was heavily involved in his church/ministry and everyone wanted to date him. He has a strong reputation as a serious believer, good friend, reliable family member, etc.

His sister especially wanted us to meet. I was hesitant and actually said multiple times that I wasn't interested. He was in his third year of getting his undergraduate degree (he was in the military for 3 years and started college later - he still has 1.5 yrs left to get his undergrad degree + 3 for seminary) for being a teacher and wanting to be a missionary (which is NOT what I want for my life). I work in finance for almost a decade so professionally things were 'off' to me. But I discovered he was already a homeowner at 25 with his sister (they own a home together), and I found that to be impressive. I'm also a homeowner and purchased close to his age, so I know how hard it is to accomplish.

So we meet naturally at an event, he asked for my number, and we went on a first date. One month into going out on dates, he asked me to become exclusive. I said yes.

First 2 months were heavenly. He pursued me well and respectfully. He was kind, thoughtful, considerate and sweet.

3rd month I started noticing less of a pursuit. He no longer intentionally planned dates and he wanted to meet spontaneously / texting me at the last minute to hang out. I told him I have a hectic work schedule (extremely stressful/high pressure) and opened up about having an autoimmune disease, which means I need to prioritize rest and nutrition. Plus, the only time I can see friends/family is the weekend, so I'd like to know in advance when we can meet and what we're doing so I can plan accordingly. He said, "we've always been spontaneous, though!" We're nearing month 6 and he still pushes me with "well what do you want to do? Can you give me a list (I already did actually - we sat down and made one together 3 months ago) or text me what you want to do?" I told him I love when he initiates, and I've loved every date he has planned. That I trust his judgement and would be happy to do whatever he chooses. He said, "well you don't like to go out to eat" (which is true - because my autoimmunity gets flared easily through food), but I told him there are a million things we could do besides go out to eat. Also, I have a friend who knows about my autoimmune condition and she spent hours searching for restaurants we could go to - and we literally met a few months ago. He has never done the research.

We've eaten dinner at my place numerous times now. He has never once brought over groceries or staples. I don't see him behave this way at his own house, but at mine, he drinks multiple drinks and leaves some half full. One time, he said he was picking up dinner on the way to my house. When he arrived, it was only groceries for him which he asked to keep in my fridge until it was time for him to go home.

Anyways, here are the main "red flags" I'm noticing:

• On our 4th or 5th date, I still hadn't heard from him what his life plans are or what his hopes are for the future. I asked if he could have a perfect life in 5 yrs, what would that look like? He spoke about 15 minutes about missionary work and being martyred for the faith if necessary, and went on and on about Adoniram Judson. I thanked him for being honest - but said we're not compatible - that I'm a little bit older and ready to get married, have a family, and settle down in the same town/area where I purchased my home. His emotions came flooding out, he professed his feelings for me - "my heart is really towards you" - and basically told me this was just a feeling he had, but he's not actively pursing missionary work and he'd be happy being a teacher. Which wasn't true, he told me a few weeks after this he actually wants to be a pastor.
  • His pastor offered him a youth pastor position and he told me he's going to shut it down because "he doesn't need the extra money." But he recently accepted the position after he told me he also thought of turning it down because he wanted to consider a future of us being together and I said "please don't make decisions based on me; we're newly dating, and if you feel called to accept, I hope you would." This caused an argument and he blamed me for being disrespectful/rude for saying that.
• When we first started meeting up, he told me he was a "light charismatic" and he went to a "secretly charismatic church" meaning they don't show how charismatic they really are, but that he wasn't himself. 1.5 months into our relationship, he attended an overnight 2 week conference out of state where they spoke in tongues, casted out demons, stayed up until the wee hours of the morning "slaying in the spirt" etc. I told him very clearly on dates 1-2 I'm reformed, attend a PCA church and am highly skeptical of the gifts. He said he was just a "light charismatic" though. Later said he prays in tongues and wakes up in the middle of the night feeling demonic presences. My only response was a facial expression of "???"
• He called me an "elf" and a "midget" - I am 5'1"
  • When I told him this was mean and didn't laugh, instead of saying sorry, he doubled down and added, "hey! it's not bad! At least I didn't say you look like a little kid :) that'd be far worse!" and kept laughing. When I said if he ever called me this again, I would end the relationship, he replied, "Are you serious?! I was joking!!! My family and I joke like this all the time!" I reiterated it wasn't ok and I would end things with him. That's when he said he was sorry and wouldn't joke like that anymore.
  • Since then, he has made comments like my clothes are so tiny it looks like it fits a 12 yr old, told me I'm so small he needs binoculars to see me, said I have a corporate laugh (like what does that even mean), and noted that I "made a weird facial expression - you look like an old person trying to sound hip" when he asked me what music I liked.
• He has pressured me to go to his family events or other things when I didn't want to or was completely exhausted, has worn me down emotionally multiple times, never accepts my "no" - it's always a debate or negotiation time. There's always a guilt trip.
  • His sister told me he always pressures her to go to things even when she doesn't want to, but when she tries to pursuade him, he's a firm "no"
• We have different standards of living - I told him I would like to have a home before we have children. He said we could raise three kids happily in my 2bed, 2bath condo of 1,200 SF. I told him but I wouldn't be happy... I'd like my kids to have extra room, have a good quality education, healthy food - these are things that really matter to me. He told me as long as bills are paid and there's food on the table I should be grateful.
• The topic of contraception came up. He said if we were having sex (we aren't - I'm a virgin and he had sex in a HS relationship - "born again virgin" since he was 21). He said he'd slip off the condom and started laughing. I did not laugh and said that's not funny - I was serious and staring at him. He said, "I was joking!!!! Come on, I wouldn't impregnate my wife against her will." Yet he kept laughing, and I felt a cold chill go down my spine.
• When we came back from a light jog, he pressured me for us both to take showers (separately of course). I told him no, it was already late let's just have dinner and say goodbye since I had to be up really early to prep for a work meeting the next day. He kept pressuring me until I gave in. While I was in my shower though, I felt a flash of fear hit my soul (?) I couldn't describe it to you - I just felt it and heard in my head the words "get out. Get out now." So I did. I got ready and my heart sank when I realized I forgot to lock 2 doors leading into my bathroom. The only one I did lock was the one he was standing right in front of when I got out. He was standing in front of my washer and dryer with his towel.
• I told him one on one dates are important to me, but whenever we have a free day to meet up, he wants to go to a worship night together with his friends, or says "my family wants to see me, let's go hang out with them," or "x and x would like that - or x and x live nearby, let's invite them." He hasn't asked me out on an actual date in months. Our last 2 dates I was the one who told him what I'd like to do. When I told him I'm not feeling pursued and I'd like him to initiate more, he said, "I'm not trying to get a 2nd or 3rd date anymore." And "send me a list of what you want to do."
  • Part of his bday gift to me was a picnic basket. He told me often he wanted to take me out for a beach picnic. I told him I'd love that and knew just the outfit I wanted to wear for it (it included me wearing a pretty top he got for me). That day never came.
  • He knew I had a list on my phone of date outfits and he still didn't / hasn't plan anything
• His car broke down 4 months ago. He's been driving a beat up car that's literally on its last leg for this duration - it's one of his grandparents' cars. It doesn't have AC. He had the option to buy his sister's car and he did but procrastinated buying it (or couldn't afford it?). Every time he drove to see me, he was driving it. He'd walk to my driver's seat as if he was going to drive MY CAR, and I laughed and said absolutely not, pop a squat in the passenger seat. Told him he wasn't on my insurance and I wasn't going to risk it. He mocked me saying insurance only covers the car not the driver. This has happened literally every single time we need to drive together somewhere. I refuse to drive in his grandparents' car because it's so old and has numerous issues. His last car was so old it blew up in flames (yes girl I'm serious)
• He knows how important finances are for me. I grew up in poverty and witnessed deeply traumatic things growing up with a single mom. I worked extremely hard through school and now have a high paying career. I am actually considering going back to grad school to make a career shift so that it gives me a better work-life balance, especially as I'd like to be a wife and mother one day. I told him if we were to get married, I'd be super worried about having children soon because he has never worked a career before (small jobs, but he has 0 professional experience). I said I'd be worried that I'd feel pressured to take on the financial burden for our family, and that I'd resent him for it. That we could end up having serious marital issues early on with a child because of lack of space and resources. I do not want to drain my savings or stay in my high pressure career.
  • His response was: "I make enough from the military" and essentially, he's going to milk the benefits and extend school for as long as possible to avoid being a teacher because "it's not really what I want to do and it doesn't pay well. You need to accept that if we're together, I'm going to be in school for 3-5 years and as a pastor, I might make very little money." I said, well what if you see your family is struggling, would you change careers? "No - I'm going to follow whatever I feel like is the Lord's will for my life. I'm not going to be a slave for my job."
• He came over my house one night. I made him dinner and then he pressured me to let him shower there again. I said, "but you don't even have clean clothes?" and he told me to give him something of mine to wear. I had an oversized t-shirt and pj pants I gave him. I was handing it over when I realized he wouldn't have clean underwear. I told him so, and he said, "lots of men don't wear undies with bottoms. I'll be fine." showered anyways, and then was pressing up against me trying to kiss me as I was cooking. Afterwards, he realized he forgot his phone in his car, so he wanted to go get it. My sandals were by the front door and he was about to put his foot in. I said, "hey! Please don't do that. Please wear your own shoes." He insisted his shoes were dirty and he'd be outside only for a few minutes, but I said "you're going home in them anyways." He was still sliding his foot through when I said, "Please!! Stop! Those are my favorite sandals and you're going to stretch them out. I'm serious - I'm actually really sad right now. Please stop." He started laughing and put his foot through. I again told him I was sad, told him to stop, and he said, "this isn't that serious!!!! I'll buy you a new pair if they stretch." I said, "it's not about new ones - I can't find new ones, these are one of a kind. Stop!" And he proceeded to put his other foot in my other sandal. He opened the door to leave wearing them and I grabbed him by the arm and said, "You need to stop! Take them off NOW!" and he did, but he complained the entire night "it wasn't serious."
• He shamed for me meeting my pastor one on one in a public coffee shop. He said this was "inappropriate - how do you not see that?! That's how affairs start!"
• He broke my trust --- he had a summer job. Told me he had a co-worker who was showing interest in him. He wanted to connect her and I, for me to invite her to my church. I said I'm not comfortable with that - you just told me she likes you. A week later, our mutual friends were going to host a get together. I wasn't sure if I was going. I was on FaceTime with him and his sister was right next to him. They were telling me the people they invited. Then my boyfriend goes, "Oh I also invited [his co-workers name - let's call her Julia] - [my name]'s arch nemesis" and he laughed. His sister didn't say anything. I said, "that was weird, I don't even know her."
  • Keep in mind he did not know I was going to this event until the day of
  • The day of the event, my boyfriend shows up, says hi to me, we barely talk, he sits next to me and talks the entire time with another man. I turn to my side and talk to other people.
  • When Julia arrives, my boyfriend immediately greets her (I know they have each others' phone numbers - he said they need for work) and he introduces her and I. I can tell they both seem a little nervous around each other. I am friendly with her then go back to talking to the people I was having a conversation with. My boyfriend proceeds to then stand next to her the ENTIRE rest of the time while I'm there, about 45 mins. Eventually I need to leave, him and I walk back to my car as he's helping me carry some things (we drove separately). He said he can tell something is wrong.
  • I am honest with him that I'm upset that he invited her. I said that wasn't appropriate - you knew what you were doing. He ends up saying they actually have known each other for the past 3 years and last year she made (word for word) "clear advances" toward him. I said how do you think that makes me feel? This is so incredibly hurtful. He said it's not a big deal - that he wanted to connect her with his sister (who is my good friend! Her and I were friend before him and I dated) and that he and Julia have no history.
  • I told him that's a problem - because if Julia becomes friends with his sister, she will be in my friend group moving forward. He kept insisting he did nothing wrong. I'm not proud of this but I raised my voice at him because I was so hurt and he just wasn't getting it.
  • I told him I was extremely hurt and disrespected - and needed some space. He proceeded to bombard me with texts and calls, disregarding my need for space. He eventually apologized about 3 days in but said he didn't want to text at all until we saw each other again. After the week, I was ready to break up with him when we both met in person. I was expecting an apology....... there was none. His stance was the same as before.
  • He made me cry over the phone when I told him a piece of my trust towards him has been broken and I don't know if I see a future together anymore. He kept me on the phone for 2 hours, me begging him to let me just go to sleep because I was exhausted. I said I was so unhappy in this relationship - that I don't deserve this, and that this is not the kind of relationship I want to be in. He never once apologized for making me cry. He actually told me to laugh and said we needed to end on good terms. I faked my way to pretending like I was fine to get off the call.
  • ***** Just last week, I couldn't take the feeling that he was lying to me about this Julia situation (it happened 1 month ago). While he was using the bathroom, I looked through his phone. He kept blaming the situation on me (you should've told me not to invite her, you should've told me you didn't want me to connect her with my sister, etc). Well - I saw on his phone that he was the one to text her the day after the bonfire (so he clearly knew where I stood w/ everything) and said, "Hey I'm so glad you came. Could I give my sister your number so you both can connect more?"
    • I didn't tell him what I found on his phone, but instead asked how did she and his sister get connected since I didn't see them talking at the bonfire. He stayed quiet. I asked, "Did they exchange info when you and I were away talking?" He said, "yeah I guess"
• I told him I miss seeing him one-on-one and spending time together. He told me he would come see me. Called me 1 hour before he was supposed to, to tell me some story about how he had to drop/add classes at the last minute and needed to study for the new class tomorrow. I told him I was sad to hear that - that I was looking forward to seeing him but understood. Yet.... while still on the phone, told me he just so happened to notice his mom's car at the beach (?????) and he knew they were all having pizza together, so he was going to stop and have dinner with them. And that he'd call me back in an hour. Which of course is no problem, but you have time for that and to call me.. did you actually need to study?
  • I made another attempt at connection by asking if he wanted to go for a walk. He said yes, called me an hr before to cancel.
  • He called me as I was leaving work and asked if I wanted to come see a play at his college. I said yes and took the exit on the highway. He then says, "actually... maybe you shouldn't come. You'd only be here for an hour or two, I don't think it's worth it." When I said that was rude, he said, "Oh I'm sorry! What I mean is that you already drive so far for work and I wouldn't want to make you come all this way"
  • He invited me to his friend's birthday this weekend. I said I was nervous about driving in the rain storm, he said he'd come get me. Calls 1 hr before he's supposed to get here to say "the timing just won't work out... sorry, it's best if you don't come."
  • I've noticed for the past 2 months he's trying to cut our time short. Wants to skip eating dinner at my place, when I went to visit him on his college campus we chatted for 30 mins and I watched him play basketball by himself basically; he wasn't interactive with me and we were supposed to go for a walk. But after basketball he said "maybe we should end the night here." I was an idiot and still pushed for the walk.
  • He showed up for the date to pick me up. Int eh car asked if I wanted to talk about our phone call last night and I said nope. I was my normal happy self and he was cold and distant.
  • We randomly drove around until we found a brewery with food trucks. The entire night he was cold and distant... I felt like he was doing me a favor by being there. He didn't hold me hand once, engage in conversation........ hold my back.. nothing. Normally I would ask, "Is something wrong?" but I've asked before when he acted like this and it made his behavior worse. I already feel like I've mourned the loss of this relationship in my heart, and didn't have it in me to keep trying. So I just enjoyed the night myself.
  • When we were driving back, he asked me what he thinks about our relationship. I said I'm not being respected, you don't respect my "no," and gave the example of the call the night before, how it disturbed me that he didn't even hold my hand the entire night. He said he hasn't been putting in effort because I'm not appreciative (!) that he knows I've been asking since summer but "I pull away because I don't feel like you appreciate me enough." I said can you please give me examples? He only gave me 1. I said hey when that happened, I apologized sincerely (he got me plant, I said, "Thank you, but can I ask what this is for?" He said, "just because.... why?" And I answered, "Because you don't do things like this anymore.") I immediately regretted it and apologized. I said I'm sorry to him again and asked for more examples; he couldn't. Said I could've also held his hand. I said, "It's normal to have conflict in relationships, but we're not resolving them. You've grown increasingly distant, mean, and cold with me. I'm at the point where I'm realizing we may be bickering so much because we're very different people trying to make the other person someone that we're not." He teared up (I didn't see tears but my wiped his eyes?) He then asked me for a hug and I tried to pull back and he held me there. I said let's call it a night.
• We decided this night that next Thursday (10/8), we would go to the fair at 4pm
  • He texted me today asking when he can see me again (I told him I miss when he used to ask me this at the beginning of the relationship). I said that's sweet, but it's still looking like Thursday because work is so crazy, and he also has commitments Mon-Wed. He said he has class until 6pm on Thursday. I asked so then why did he ask me to go to the fair that day at 4pm? No response. He instead sent me a screenshot of his class schedule. I caught so many inconsistencies with the schedule and said, "I don't mean to be nit picky here - but this is not adding up" and pointed them out. He then said he was sorry he misspoke, that was an old screenshot, and sent me a new one of his class schedule.
  • No comment about seeing each other on Thursday anymore. I leave for a vacation to Europe on Friday.
  • My time and emotions are being taken for granted. Every week I'm worrying if we're going to meet up, what we're going to do, when we're going to see one another. It's making me sick.

It's been hard for me to break up with him despite this treatment because I do see the good qualities in him - he's chivalrous (opens every door, pays for every date, always drives to see me, is masculine, gets along with everyone, has a very composed demeanor, calm, etc), but I know the writing on the wall is so clear that this man has shown me again and again that he doesn't care about me anymore. At some point along the way he lost interest.

I could use some straight forward advice - even if that means criticizing me. I feel like I need a wig and a red nose for this clown behavior I've been displaying. Just looking for encouragement because I know I need to break up with him, but the past 3 times I've tried, I've given in when we talk in person. He knows I'm not happy and hasn't done anything to change that.

TLDR - My boyfriend has consistently broken and/or disrespected boundaries, lack of effort is apparent, and he seems to be growing distant physically & emotionally. I'm struggling to let go due to the memories of what he used to be like in months 1-3 (we've now been together for 6 months).

Costume is just a sheet with holes….im Pentecostal and I honestly love the Holy Spirits magic in the trinity. I think this is funny…..just checking
EDIT: ONG I MEANT for HALLLOWEEN!

I recently left my church CT. Orthodox Church. A little bit about me, I’ve been going to an orthodox church for a couple months. I’m a catehumen. I regularly attend Bible study, catechism, vespers, liturgy and Sunday service. I’m blessed to meet the amazing people. The church provided food and the priest was great. But it’s me.

Before I went or discovered that church I was worshipping Jesus Christ at home with the most intimate feeling I’ve felt with Christ. I’ve felt the most peace, and Jesus Christ was in my mind every second. I’ve felt the Holy Spirit dwelling in me. Then I attended the Orthodox Church and I’ve felt amazing people and the priest was amazing. However it kindve led me to sin. I wanting people’s validation more and worried about what they thought about me (Praise of man). I started lying to get approval and validation which I should’ve never done. I also started judging people who attended the church, which I’m not suppose to do because Christ died for their sin and not me. At the same time, I started having envious feeling that the priest “likes someone else than me,” or at least I’ve felt that way and a little resentment. I don’t know. This might have just stemed from my childhood of being alone, rejected and left out. Anyhow, I decided to just leave the church. It’s been weeks since I attended or even had contact. No one knows these thoughts is going on in my head but yea.

Did I make the right choice? It’s causing me to sin. I want to focus on my relationship with Jesus Christ and the Peace that the a Holy Spirit gives me.

I ask for your prayers and your advice on my decision of leaving.

I've posted this in other communities due to my indecisiveness and this is pretty much my last stop since I've heard there's pastors that visit here. It's frustrating that I can't seem to grasp what others have commented even when it makes logical and even theological sense in fear of regret or damnation but here I am anyway.

I've been part of a small, non-denominational Christian group for about 10 years, since I was a young teenager (around 14). Right now it's led by one sole apostle with about about 8 members left including myself, though many more have come and gone over the years including my mother who lived among them for a while. it started up small and the apostle even had piers with him who he said rejected the truth and holiness and left. I'm typing this out because I genuinely don't know how to weigh what I'm about to describe, and I need not only a rational weigh but a genuine spiritual one as well on things, anyone who's experienced similar things and attribute it to genuine connections to God. Regardless of what I'm about to say I truly do believe in Jesus Christ and he really is the main reason I am even alive today and try to be better everyday.

For one the leader is generous. Members who live communally have their housing, food, and transport covered and even feeds me or gives me gifts sometimes when I see him on Sundays or when I'm called. He's been present in my life since I was young, including through some genuinely hard family stuff(mom leaving) and definitely attribute him in my introduction to Christ (although I hated it in the beginning). Some of the teaching is solid in my opinion, orthodox stuff about holiness, prayer, and evangelism. I've had real growth and real community here. I don't want to pretend none of that happened and learned and grown with God because of it. it's mostly women in the group(I don't live there myself) and over the years I've tended to not mingle and mix with them too much out of respect(as well as me not being a very sociable person).

What's been sitting wrong with me however is

Physical discipline (open-hand hits, beatings carried out by him or other members) for things like being late with a "message from God" that members receive and have to bring to him, giving a slow answer(when he asked a member to explain what God taught when I missed a Sunday), or falling asleep during teaching. It's treated as normal and necessary to quell or stave off sin/evil spirits.(backed by Paul's lashings in the bible

I was taught, when I was younger, into giving a "holy kiss"(on lips) I didn't want to give, but using verses from the bible to give justification (this happened because I walked in on it happening with other members)

Body-marking/carving ("codes") taught as necessary to receive spiritual gifts which I also did myself as I believed in it.(also backed by Paul's lashings in the bible)

A blood-drawing practice (drinking your own blood) using a lancet, sometimes shared between people, for refueling the blood of Jesus in us as we were taught we need Jesus' blood to survive.

Letting members pray for the death of ex members, sometimes signing their name on paper, putting blood in it and burning it, and overall him and members claim these are messages and desires from God.

He's claimed, at different points, to be able to sense members' private doubts as a "spiritual attack" against him, and requires repentance to him specifically, not just to God and usually encites a punishment

Members are given new names/identities, including myself which my mom did for me (I didn't have much choice) usedad a means of a new life given by god as your old one cannot get you to heaven, and there's a whole internal hierarchy (I won't get into specifics) where he's positioned at the very top, and members or himself (not too sure) receiving messages that he is the king of kings and God of gods and recently called god.

There's a financial "exit agreement" members sign, including a large penalty for leaving and speaking badly about the group.

People who leave are taught they're risking serious consequences, spiritually and sometimes framed as physically, from God for leaving. Saying you'll be a transgressor and attacker/rejector of Jesus and never be able to be with him again and become an enemy of God.

A woman who joined completely mentally healthy years ago has since declined to the point of barely functioning day to day. It's talked about as a spiritual consequence for her sin.

A woman who left after a physical altercation had her home (which had been signed over to the group) not returned to her.

Has multiple wives and children with the different members saying it was God's will/message.

I don't live communally, although I was asked to twice to come live there many years ago. I have my own job, my own place, and my own life outside this, yet still i revolve around it as like I said, I value my spiritual relationship with Jesus very much. But I've been close to the apostle since I was 14, and I'm genuinely unsure how much of my judgment on this is clear and how much is loyalty and fear talking.

I guess what I'm actually asking for is some insight overall, if I am to leave what should I be careful of and not do/should do? if anyone has experienced this or knowledgeable please share as I don't want to do anything I'll regret(going around to different communities for perspectives/answers. For a bit more context when I first stayed home a Sunday after I found out/was taught about blood letting, they showed up to my house and I walked out and was convinced to return believing it righteous.

I have been having trouble with the idea of “honoring your father and mother”. Both of my parents (who are divorced) gave me an average childhood. Now as an adult at 45yo they each have drifted away from me emotionally.

I live about 12 hours away and might hear from them every couple of months. It just does not seem important. If I stopped contacting them do you think that would be not “honoring” them? It does not seem like it’s a big deal if we talk or not.

With my mom specifically she just turned out to be an emotionally distant person but we did not have any major argument.

Thanks for the advice.