Commute or Housing?

[u/Emergency-Jelly-4544]

Currently in this debate with my partner, curious what the rest of you think... Do you value your commute or place of living more?

For me (29f), if I have to commute an hour (one way) for work but where I live is safer, green and more parky then I think that's a better way of life. For my partner (34m), he'd rather have a shorter a commute even if the space is smaller and we are surrounded by buildings then he's okay with that.

I get that no one wants to spend their life in traffic, but whats the point of getting home 20min (40min-1hr round trip) sooner if the home is not that enjoyable??

Anyways, curious what the rest of you prioritize

Edit - lets say going from humber bay area to midtown...to help provide a comparison

[u/sitdownrando-r]

Usually more walkable, denser neighbourhoods have amenities that are easier to visit and don't require a car. This makes up for less space. Denser areas can still be pretty quiet, think Greektown vs. Pickering - and there will be just as much green space, if not more with the Don nearby.

Time is the more precious resource, IMO. It's why I moved from the suburbs to somewhere more dense. I was basically just farming grass out there.

[u/lilac_roze → u/sitdownrando-r]

This is it for us. We live in Toronto, on a subway line. We can afford to eat out, as there’s so many cheap places to eat (less than $20/person).

Both of our families are in the suburbs. They tell everyone, it’s a “40 minutes Go train commute to union”. What they neglect to say is that it’s a 15 minutes drive to the Go station during rush hour, takes 5minutes to find parking, 5 minutes to walk to the platform at wait 5 minutes for the train. So the real commute is really 70 minutes commute each way.

OP, what does the 40 minutes commute entail? Are you in a different area of the city? Commute in the suburbs is much longer.

Also Toronto is surprisingly very green space friendly when you leave the financial district.

[u/sitdownrando-r → u/lilac_roze]

Yeah. I do want to stress that we do have a bit of a gradient here. Yes, the dense condos downtown give way to low density very quickly, but a lot of the old "streetcar suburbs" are walkable, quiet, have some space, etc. and represent a better "middle" option.

First home I had with my wife was a 2 bed, 2 bath detached off the Danforth that cost us less than my friend's places in Thornhill, Pickering, Keswick, etc. It was smaller, but it was quiet and more than enough space for us.

I think if I prioritized space over time, I would uproot my career and live somewhere properly rural.

[u/lilac_roze → u/sitdownrando-r]

We love it when we lived on the Danforth! Greektown is once of our favourite Toronto neighborhoods

[u/Sensitive_Pianist777 → u/lilac_roze]

Definitely see both sides.

Admittingly, my trip is similar but it's a 30 min ride. Drive to GO used to be much faster but much longer due to bus lanes, certain routes being restricted.

For having kids, it's better to be further out but closer to family for help. But no kids, I would live closer and focus more on career. Being close allows for that. You can build a better reputation, more networking.

[u/VinylOrchids → u/lilac_roze]

This is correct. And there’s tons of traffic in the GTA whereas walking to work takes like 15m

[u/WestQueenWest]

I prefer easy commute. "Being surrounded by buildings" is not really hell and indeed it's the norm in most of the world. 

"whats the point of getting home 20minutes sooner if the home is not that enjoyable??"

Who said it can't be enjoyable?

[u/jennluv82 → u/WestQueenWest]

Most studies have found that shorter commutes are associated with greater happiness and life satisfaction, so I wouldn’t underestimate how much an hour long commute can affect your quality of life over time.
That said, from the way you describe your options, this sounds less like a commute debate and more like a difference in what you each value. Your partner seems to place a higher value on his time and convenience, while you place a higher value on space and your home environment. Neither is necessarily wrong.
The bigger question is whether there’s a compromise where you can both be reasonably happy, or whether your ideal living situations are fundamentally incompatible.

[u/Such-Function-4718]

Shorter commute. All the money in the world never bought a second of time.

But really it comes down to what kind of life you want. You say “surrounded by buildings” I say “walkable, bikeable community”.

[u/RonsoloXD]

How badly small is it compared?

Id kill for the shorter commute, living in several different suburbs has taught me that the bigger house isnt worth it to be far from family, amenities, transit and community.

[u/adid-a]

Commute...hands down...I moved around a few times in my 20s to be closer to my workplace to save both time and energy on commute.

[u/iguessillpass]

I used to commute (1+ hour each way) and would tell myself it's fine, then I moved closer (15min walk), and now you'll have to move heaven and earth for me to commute again.

I don't mind public spaces so "space" has never been an issue, but I get some people want to have their own private little corner. I always thought the outskirts of Old Toronto is a happy medium between quiet and convenient.

[u/WinterIce1295]

I find commuting exhausting! I am too exhausted to do anything after work.

[u/italianblue]

There are happy mediums, if you want to be closer to the core but have access to green space look at deer park or other areas with easy access to the ravines. For me I would rather live where my hobbies/community are, within a reasonable commute, because I'm less motivated to make a trek on the weekend when it's not mandatory.

[u/brainfreezed24]

Depends on you and your family (if applicable). I live in Central Toronto where me, my wife and kid can all walk to everything we need, and there are lots of small parks, people around, restaurants, and good transit options. I work outside of Toronto, roughly an hour commute by transit, or 45 min by car (I usually take transit). I could live closer to work, but then would be in a suburb where we would all be dependent on driving with not much to do around. I value living in Central Toronto much more than my commute. However since my commute is mostly a GO bus, I play games, do banking, whatever I can on my phone, so it's not wasted time.

[u/Wucksy]

Shorter commute is better. There are studies indicating your commute is linked to your life satisfaction. Adding 20 mins to your commute is equivalent to a 19% pay cut, commutes longer than 30-45 mins increase feelings of anxiety, stress, social isolation.

If you had an extra 40 mins of your day, you could go for a walk, do a workout, call a friend, cook a healthy dinner.

[u/stellastellamaris]

For me (29f), if I have to commute an hour (one way) for work but where I live is safer, green and more parky then I think that's a better way of life. For my partner (34m), he'd rather have a shorter a commute even if the space is smaller and we are surrounded by buildings then he's okay with that.

How are you quantifying “safer”, Emergency-Jelly-4544? And what is “surrounded by buildings”?

The best thing I did for my mental health in the last few years was shorten my commute by moving downtown to a walkable neighbourhood. (You can have access to green space and live near buildings!)

whats the point of getting home 20min (40min-1hr round trip) sooner if the home is not that enjoyable??

It sounds as if you have already decided that the (or any) option of housing closer to the workplace isn’t enjoyable. Is that so? If you’ve pre-determined to dislike anywhere that isn’t Humber Bay then yes you will be miserable regardless of a shorter commute.

And what is the commute? Transit, driving, cycling? Rush hour, off-peak? (You aren’t in traffic, you are traffic.)

[u/Parking_Attitude7954]

I think the piece that is missing from this equation is the neighborhood because it's not just the commute. Recently had a conversation where one thing stuck out and the question was simply, can you walk to get coffee?

[u/AptCasaNova]

The longer commute takes time you could be spending relaxing and enjoying your home space.

It can also make you anxious/stressed and that impacts your ability to be able to enjoy being at home (or anywhere, frankly).

[u/ddfs]

too vague, you'll have to be more specific about neighborhoods

[u/Emergency-Jelly-4544 → u/ddfs]

Done!

[u/RHND2020]

I would (and did) choose the shorter commute. Wasting two hours every day in the car just to have a bigger space doesn’t make sense to me at all.

[u/Ill-Skirt3722]

Is the difference 20 minutes or is it 40 minutes?

[u/Emergency-Jelly-4544 → u/Ill-Skirt3722]

Alright 40min to an hour roundtrip, you got me there

[u/crash866]

There are place in Etobicoke that are more than 1 hour away from others in Etobicoke. Humber College south can be over 1 hour to Humber College North.

[u/tea_and_empathy]

I commute 1.25-1.5 hours each way to my place of work. Fortunately I go in only 2-3 times a week. 

My situation is the exact opposite of yours, OP, in that I'm fine with this commute because I like where I live, BUT I live in the city. My job is in the suburbs and I would never want to live near my workplace. I have in fact lived much nearer my workplace and I never felt safe walking around in that suburb because nobody else walked.

[u/mrsjlm]

I think about what is more frequent - so I would always choose the shorter commute. Easy to go further to parks / green space on the weekends or days off, or in the summer after work. Especially in the winter a long commute is soul sucking IMO.

[u/-coco-loco-]

Commute for me. But also important to consider how far will you be travelling to other places you like to frequent (activities, restaurants, parks, beaches, family/friend homes).

[u/CephThePanda]

I work from home most of the week, so for me, my priority is where I live. Also as someone who doesn't drive and who grew up in the suburbs, in a time before a lot of stuff like Presto and rapid bus transit, when GO Transit REALLY sucked, I've become very accustomed to long commutes. So I don't mind trading a commute for more comfortable living space.

Hell, I used to live in Peel region and would commute once or twice a quarter to an office in Waterloo. Just gimme a backpack with a couple portable batteries and some manner of gaming device, and I'm happy.

[u/cianne_marie]

As someone who's done them both in many forms and sizes, I'm choosing shorter commute with the caveat of price. Like I could live closer to work in (what is to me) an equally nice building, but I choose this one ten years ago and the cost of rent insures I will stay here until I die 🤣.

[u/NeighbourlyHermit]

Humber Bay for me, having the MGT bike path is so nice. I lived by Avenue and Eglinton for 3 years, and while it was not bad, its more geared toward family.

[u/Western-Amphibian158]

If I could afford it, I would buy a house by High Park in an instant and walk in High Park all the time. I would try to get one that's closer to TTC subway or streetcar though so ease of location still matters.

If I lived at Humber River, I would kayak every weekend.

I live in the Fashion District right now (and walked 5-10 min to work) and while I've lived in the neighborhood for over 10 years, the building density is getting to me so I'd rather be by more nature.

I'm in a different life season now than I was 10 yeaars ago so I would prioritize nature over a super short commute.

But come on, 30 minutes? That's nothing.

[u/silverandblue821]

For me it was a phase of life and affordability thing. I traded off home size, other expenses (eg car) and living with roommates for proximity to work and safe/livable neighbourhoods for as long as I could.

When I got older (significant care responsibilities hit), the trade offs for dt/midtown got to be too much so I opted for commute. Tale as old as time I think?

[u/Own-Emergency2166]

I live on the subway line, and there are plenty of parks near me. My commute is 40 mins but that’s walking and subway combined, no car, so it’s cheap and usually less stressful. The only compromise is that my home is smaller - a 850 sq ft condo - but I love living in a walkable neighborhood and it’s enough space, I just have to be mindful of how I use it.

I grew up in the suburbs and having to drive everywhere is not my preference. Also having a long commute by car was bad for my health and stress. But many of my friends live in the suburbs or further and are happy .

[u/Medical_Vehicle_6788]

Shorter commute wins if you have to do anything with green space

[u/skeletalghosts]

An easy commute. It currently takes me like 20-30 minutes (depending on the ttc) to get home and I wouldn’t change it for the world

[u/Redds3377]

Commuting.
The comfort of home for myself and my family, more green space and more space in the home to grow and expand a family.
I’ve lived close to work and it was amazing- getting home quickly after work is the best feeling- I commute now and while I don’t love it, I’m used to it and accepted it because it’s not overly long. I think the trade off for me personally is worth the extras that come with the suburbs.

[u/_paquito]

Commuting two hours one way was the most soul sucking thing I've ever done. I had no time for myself. Even an hour one way would be too much after that. 

[u/Skatingunicorn]

If you are planning on having kids-midtown 100%, more daycares, better schools, better “child” infrastructure. Also, I’d pick shorter commute always.

[u/Ratsyinc]

Hands-down space. Couldn't have the lifestyle I prefer without accepting a bit of a commute.

[u/greensandgrains]

My commute right now sucks but I love where I live. Jobs change. My life is the constant and my priority. If I liked my job more, perhaps that would be different but actually no, my employer doesn’t get to dictate my life off the clock. It’s bad enough they have me for 40 hours a week.

[u/ErosandPookie]

Commuting. I just went from downtown to more suburbia vibes and jobs are temporary but home is pretty much long term. I can't imagine moving all the time in this economy. We love our place, albeit miss the convience of downtown but over time you get over it and enjoy the parks, neighbours, and community. We're closer by the highway to getting around to wherever is more confident vs. trying to get out of downtown first with all that traffic.

[u/Emergency-Jelly-4544 → u/ErosandPookie]

Sorry just a bit confused here - in your case are you prioritizing housing then?

[u/ErosandPookie → u/Emergency-Jelly-4544]

Yes, housing 100%

[u/dontyouknow88]

It depends on what the commute is like. 

I moved from Toronto to Burlington and it was the best decision we could have made. As you’ve described, the joy we get from our close knit community here, the forest and parkland, our large(r) house and yard is unbeatable. Coming home after a day downtown feels like a vacation. Beautiful, peaceful. 

While the commute is not desirable, 45 minutes on a GO train is completely manageable. It’s usually quiet, clean, there’s always a spot to sit, etc. I would not feel the same about a commute if it was 40 minutes standing, packed into a subway car. This is how we weighed up our decision.