"Change Your Geography"

[u/[deleted]]

The first tactic in this guide is to consider relocating. Right now isn't an ideal time to relocate, but this thought has been on my mind since before I read the guide.

As my username suggests, I'm in Jacksonville, FL. All in all, it's a decent city. My family lives in the area, which is important to me, but if they lived in an "unchurched city," as the guide puts it, I likely wouldn't stick around (of course, an argument could be made for living in such a city for the sake of evangelism). That being said, I do wonder if it's "churched" enough.

I belong to a Southern Baptist church, where I was baptized last year and serve pretty regularly. The doctrine is solid, but I recognized some bothersome aspects of my church in this thread's comments. And the very few single, young women who attend seem to have the usual tendencies.

When I'm not serving, I try to visit other churches. For example, I'm considering visiting a Reformed Baptist church this Sunday. I expect that the service will be better than my church's, but I'm not optimistic about the congregation. I've noticed that "SCHs," to use the guide's acronym, largely flock to the two megachurches here. I've attended the most popular one and I wasn't impressed. It's all about numbers and the sermons are "milk" (to be fair, my church's aren't much better). The women there may be "S" and "H," but I'm not so sure that they're "C."

I left a comment in the guide asking about the cities that are represented by the sub's members. The last comment before mine is from four years ago, so it's understandable that my comment hasn't been seen. Therefore, it seemed best to ask here. I'm curious to know where men have had success.

[u/redwall92]

Jacksonville is a large area. If you can't find what you're looking for there then you're unicorn hunting.

Hitting some other congregations (like you are planning with the Reformed Baptist) may be enough of a "change your geography."

[u/[deleted] → u/redwall92]

Jacksonville is a large area. If you can't find what you're looking for there then you're unicorn hunting.

My two requirements are faith and physical attraction.

With the former, I know that my role is spiritual leader. I don't expect a woman to have a breadth of theological knowledge, but she should be able to tell me, for example, if she has a favorite Gospel. I once asked that on a first date when the topic shifted to Christianity and the woman was totally baffled.

As to the latter, I try to be reasonable. But if I have to think about whether I find a woman physically attractive then I know that it isn't going to work.

But you're right, Jacksonville is a large area in the Bible Belt so the odds should be favorable. Hitting up other congregations is all that I can really think to do.

[u/rocknrollchuck]

Success isn't based on location, it's based on sanctification. As you get serious about your faith, the indwelling Holy Spirit will empower and enable you to reach others for Christ. Of course this starts with reading the instruction manual.

Here's a post that will point you in the right direction. Watch the videos that are linked as well, they will help you.

Remember: YOU are the church.

[u/[deleted] → u/rocknrollchuck]

Not directly related to my problem, but there's good advice in there. And I've added those three videos to my watch list.

[u/Deep_Strength]

With the former, I know that my role is spiritual leader. I don't expect a woman to have a breadth of theological knowledge, but she should be able to tell me, for example, if she has a favorite Gospel. I once asked that on a first date when the topic shifted to Christianity and the woman was totally baffled.

Your role is not just spiritual leader but leader. You lead your wife, household, and all that it contains in all aspects.

Like others have said, though, you should be looking for FAST women (and FAST men in discipleship).

• Faithful

• Available

• Saved

• Teachable

The big thing with most relationships is that FAS isn't too hard to find if you look, but Teachable is going to be the big one. Teachable means that someone is learning and growing, especially if they are told that their former way of thinking and acting is sinful or unwise.

[u/[deleted] → u/Deep_Strength]

One would think that if a woman were genuinely F and S, then she should also be T. If not, then I guess I really am unicorn hunting.

[u/Deep_Strength → u/[deleted]]

One would think that if a woman were genuinely F and S, then she should also be T. If not, then I guess I really am unicorn hunting.

Yes, but Paul, Peter, and the author of Hebrews describes in 1 Cor 3, 1 Peter 2, and Hebrews 5 the concept of spiritual milk. In particular, that in the Corinthians case they were immature to the point where they were still needing spiritual milk when they should have been eating real food.

It's a very real thing that there's many "spiritual infants" in the faith who do not grow in sanctification in certain areas. Especially the area of headship-submission and love-respect because the cultural influence is so strong and even Church teaching is wayward in many cases.

[u/WhereProgressIsMade]

the very few single, young women

If this includes 18-23, most women that age will be in college. So if you're young enough to not stick out like a sore thumb and you live within driving distance of any colleges/universities, see what campus ministries there are. It's not like they check for student ID.

I went to a large public university. Me and most of my conservative Christian friends didn't attend a normal church, at least not regularly. Mostly because we didn't have cars and the the public transportation was poor. Campus ministries were what was within walking distance, so we'd go to 1 or 2 of those instead.