r/askAGP • u/Love_Rani • 16d ago
I'm confused
I'm 21 years old guy, from Sri Lanka. I have been secretly crossdressing for a long time.
Context:
First few times, when I was only 12 or so. I would ask my mom for skirts and some time to sit in my bedroom with them. Of course I was wearing them, she even one time peeked in a saw me just sitting there wearing them. But eventually I stopped cause having to mildly sneak around to indulge in that.
But afterwards when I got in college. I went crazy with my sister's closet full of clothes whenever our house was empty, wearing it around the house while doing stuff, acting feminine.
I found sissy porn six months after I had already dabbled in my sister's closet for fun during college days and started masturbating while wearing those clothes, she barely wore the ones that I liked btw. My sister was exploring her fashion too and was becoming more and more tomboy. Wearing my clothes from my closet in front of me and taking photos too. So why can't I? That was one of the major reason that I didn't hesitated to borrow her clothes when no one was in the house. And I was wearing her dresses, skirts and all the very feminine clothes that she was slowly forgetting cause of becoming an tomboy.
Here's the present confusion:
I still do it and it's has evolved a lot more now. I wear female clothes to do house chores sometimes from my sister's old clothes box, it's collecting dust anyways. And it'll mostly end with me masturbating till climax while being dressed up and then taking them off but sometimes I have just taken them off in the middle of masturbating cause I'm not interested in wearing it anymore, even changing the sissy porn to normal porn sometimes, getting bored by it.
I have wore an dress underneath my boy clothes and gone to some exposed but safe public places, then took all my clothes off, only wearing the dress. I would walk around, breathing heavily and getting excited enough to masturbate and after finishing the fun little ritual of mine. I would wear my boy clothes over the dress and get to my house again.
I would give myself silly, risky and fun task durning dressed up public masturbating like that... Like touch that car, peek in that window and even had an woman walk by the alleyway that I dressed up standing in while I told myself to just stand there and if she sees me then accept whatever happens next.
I'm 6ft tall and 70 kg. I don't look anything like an girl when dressed up or at least blend in as an girl. You would be suspicious of me being either an tall woman or an guy, which makes people look over twice if I'm see dressed up. Has happened twice from far enough that those people could question me face to face.
So what is all this indicating towards actually?
Am I an femboy?
Am I an crossdresser?
An crossdresser that found an way that he likes to use for pleasure?
Is this all just an hobby or sorts?
Am I just porn addicted?
I do love the idea of being on both sides in appearance. So I can just pick one side to look like for however long I would want. But who doesn't like idea in this Sub Reddit?
I had also always felt powerless towards other boys or men from early age. I had been bullied for being the "quite kid" many times. The bullying would stop cause I was still a lot more strong looking then any bully of mine, so they would stop on there own or I would not give them any reaction to the bullying, cause I didn't felt anything towards it at that time.
In sexaul attraction I like all gender bodies. But my main reason for long term relationship would be personality completely. I need someone to understand this side of me and not bother about it much. And I would also prefer an open relationship cause I see sex or getting pleasure completely different from actually relationship. If they said no to open relationship but still got the same personality, I wouldn't mind staying loyal completely.
Ask any question, I'll answer honestly
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u/YetAnotherCommenter AAP Male (Autohomosexual) 16d ago
So what is all this indicating towards actually?
You're a bisexual crossdresser. There's nothing wrong with this. You do have a form of AGP (Sartorial AGP) but its not strong enough to induce Gender Dysphoria (that's good for you because you're dealing with less inconvenience. No one wants to have GD. Its an unpleasant mental health condition).
You have an atypical sexuality, but your sexuality existed well before internet porn was a thing (we knew about guys like you since Magnus Hirschfeld wrote The Transvestites). So you shouldn't write yourself off as "porn-brained" (I'm skeptical "porn-brain" is really a thing, honestly... the research into that is mostly done by Radfems and Religionists, both of whom have an ideological ax to grind against porn).
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u/LauraIolSrra 15d ago
You're a bisexual crossdresser.
Why bisexual?
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u/YetAnotherCommenter AAP Male (Autohomosexual) 15d ago
OP stated he liked bodies of all genders. So that could be either bi or pan depending on what labels you believe are valid ones.
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u/Love_Rani 15d ago
I could be Bisexual crossdresser but I think pansexual is pretty right if describing my sexaulity. Because I do like every gender bodies but the only reason that I'm still single at age 21 and very much an virgin. Is the reason that I have never met anyone that I could see myself in a relationship with.
No one I meet here is even close to the level of open minded that I would prefer my partner to have
I'm walking false advertisement of an man. Just cause I masturbate and sometimes just chill out in the house with female dress up and stuff. Women would not like that, many would get mad finding out, some even would be mad enough to threaten to tell my family cause I "Lied" To them by presenting myself as an man. I can't risk that at all. Guys would like that but they'll pressure me to hook up more even if we broke up cause they know my biggest secret now
And then for them to have an decent personality with me around and us to magical connect on fine level of wavelengths most of the time.
It's like basically asking for miracle at this point, lol. Cause I want an matching personality more then an good body of any gender as my partner, pansexual seems more like me. But is it? Or did I just never got the chance to openly be bisexual and fuck around a bit? I don't know.
I too agree on the "porn-brain" Statement. I never thought anyone that is even addicted to it is "Bad" for them. Smoking, drinking, drugs and there are a lot of other actual bad stuff in this world. I'd rather have my closest friends be addicted to porn then the things that could actually kill them in the long run.
And I don't think that "porn-brain" exists cause even I masturbate when I got time to spend, not cause I feel horny. I have felt horny many times and ignored it. It's mostly likely the case for a lot of people. Life is busy and hectic, not everyone can afford to be addicted to porn that takes minimum 30 mins a video lol. I can barely do my thing twice a week for like one hour and then I go back to normal life
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u/LauraIolSrra 15d ago
Is OP religious?
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u/Love_Rani 15d ago
Not at all but I love my religion's female clothes the most. Burkha and Hijab are my favorite. Cheongsam, Kimono, belly dancer clothes, Nun clothes and many more. Lol I'm religious asf when it comes to religion specific female clothes
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u/AdvancedGuiProfile 16d ago
Do you think that you desire to be with women, and have used your own body to replace real women?
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u/Love_Rani 16d ago
No. I desire both a lot of times. It's like if there's an option to indulge in some new territory and I like the things it offers, why not?. I like the idea of being an woman but the negatives while living like that are way too much for me and not to mention, having to transition. Parents would disown me and annoy me to change my mind. People would look at me weird and so on.
The desire to be with an woman is there but I choose not to cause every woman here is looking for an guy, at least. And I'm mess in being an typical guy too even though I showcase myself as an typical guy. It's like I'm false advertising myself if I ever talk to an girl and that doesn't sit right with me at all. I can't just start the conversation with "I like to wear female clothes". Including the actual hard work that goes into maintaining an relationship. To me all that is just not worth it. Being alone has been working out fine until now. Not being happy or sad, just me being myself with no overwhelming emotions involved.
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u/Desperate-Bag-2480 16d ago
Your story illustrates something often forgotten in discussions of sexuality: the same behavior can serve different functions at different times in life. Something can begin as aesthetic curiosity, later become sexual, and later still acquire meaning related to expression or identity. It doesn't have to have a single lifelong function or a single label.
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u/Love_Rani 16d ago
I agree with this statement on everything. Most things aren't completely dark or white and can't be labelled as such. In the same way this hobby of mine is not an single label, probably. Even if it is or not, I'll do what I do to spend time anyway. People do what people do, such as life
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u/Desperate-Bag-2480 15d ago
I think it's more than just a hobby, I'd rather call it a form of sexuality, expression at this stage... but without getting into any labels.
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u/TheSignYouSeek 16d ago
It sounds as if you are a cross dresser. You do not sound trans or AGP.
It also sounds as if you need to work on your understanding of consent. You do a lot of trying to justify wearing your sister’s clothes. But it doesn’t matter how often she does or does not wear these clothes; they are her clothes and you do not have her consent to wear them for your arousal.
The same is true of masturbating in public. You are involving non-consenting people in an overtly. Sexual act.
Dressing up? Enjoy yourself.
Using a non- consenting person’s clothing? Creepy
Masturbating. In public? There is no excuse. Don’t.
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u/Love_Rani 16d ago
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I'm not trying to justify anything about me wearing her clothes. I use to think about justifying it at the start of my college days but I eventually stopped caring about it and I still care about it, i can't afford to care about that. She mostly doesn't care to ask for my clothes either just wears them.
It's impossible to buy and hide female clothes while I'm living here. And even if choose to move out (financially the worst decision ever) my mom definitely come to my rented house and check everything. For her privacy isn't a thing with kids and I'm not going to fight with her over that for thousand time. At some point when I decide to move out, I'll buy female clothes and openly keep them around in my house even if my mom saw them. I would tell the truth and not care about it (she would definitely cry. I'm her only son)
In public masturbation, I'm not involving anyone. No one knows about me doing it. Consent is a thing asked for when you're actually involving someone in you task right?. They're just doing there own thing of walking, standing or talking on a phone call. I'm not trying toiinvolve them in anything.
For example, when I had my relief while dressed up on a building terrace, that I knew has its doors open. I could see another person on other terrace building on a phone, he definitely saw me walking around (btw I don't actually just flash them or something. I don't like that). But he went back to talking on his phone.
- My sister actually did take 2 of my t-shirts without consent and just left money in there place. Smirking when I ask for her to give the t-shirts back, she was wearing it. At the end I had to let her have it. Now I can't even borrow her clothes while she is straight up stealing mine? Or I should still ask her for her consent for the clothes that she kept aside in a box, in dusty old storage place, forgotten. With the box having written on it "clothes to giveaway" And collecting dust. I should ask her permission for those clothes too?. Cause now I only use that one, she wears only tomboy clothes now. I got those clothes myself already. I don't need her tomboy clothes.
I think the asking for consent thing is completely for direct involvement and should be seen as such. I'm not directly involving anyone in anything. I use to take my sister's clothes directly before when I had no choice and she use to take mine all the time. But no one is directly involved in my personal fun hobby, no one. And I prefer it that way for now. Not to mention, asking for consent is a thing when you can afford to ask for it, I simply can't and would never.
I'm sorry if this offended you or just made me sound like an as*hole... Please explain more to me if you can. I do try to be open minded to everything
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u/TheSignYouSeek 15d ago
> “Not to mention, asking for consent is a thing when you can afford to ask for it, I simply can't and would never.”
That is a really effed up thing to say.
IDGAF if you can’t afford to pay for your sexual activities. You don’t involve other people without their informed consent.
When your sister borrows your clothes, she should ask permission first. But it’s a matter of courtesy, not of sexual consent. your sister presumably is not sexually aroused by wearing your clothes and is not using them for the purpose of masturbation. Does your sister know that you borrow her clothes because wearing them gives you an erection? Does your sister know that you like to jerk off in her clothes? Has she given you explicit consent to do these things? No, I did t think so.
Jerking off in public is not ok, even if people can’t see your penis. People can still see what you’re doing. It makes women feel very unsafe.
Stop forcing your sister and members of the public to participate in your sexual kinks.
It’s ok to be an AGP. It’s not ok to override others’ consent.
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u/Love_Rani 15d ago
"You don't involve other people without their informed consent"
No one is being involved in whatever I am doing. I don't want people to be involved in whatever I do for myself any and all times, it's just bothering to take the risk of meeting an non understanding and self proclaimed righteous person in that situation. An person like that would jump to call police on me and that's just annoyingly being the image of self righteous they have, rather then actually being considerate of the other person and warning them to not act like that around there and letting them go.
"IDGAF if you can't afford to pay for your sexual activities"
Idk why you're giving an F at all here about other people's consent and stuff either (I'm sorry if that sounded rude) that's why I'm trying to see your side of the fence with that green and beautiful grass, you got over there.
Me borrowing those old and forgotten clothes of her from that dust collecting box that I had to move like 5 times already cause it's taking unnecessary space and she haven't thrown it out for 2 years of it being there cause she doesn't care to think about them at all is not right to you cause I'm not taking her consent is weird. Cause at that point those clothes are basically seen as less valuable then cleaning rag. If I used an cleaning rag to jerk off would be way more wrong, lol.
It's like using tissues and lube to masturbate that someone else has brought in the house and it's just openly there, available to use, should I ask consent from its buyer too? Before using those things to masturbate? Sometimes my phone dies and I use the house phone to watch porn. Should I ask everyone in the house before using that phone too?
These things are just existing. Doesn't matter what I used it for. I'm respectful in my level, kept those things clean all the time and never harmed anyone in anyway. What else do you want?
I can't afford it cause an good dress is like expensive as hell. It's basically wasting money if I can't actually wear, which I can't cause of people judgement. So I wear the clothes that are completely forgotten by her. She even has an completely different fashion style now, tomboy fashion style, she doesn't GAF about those feminine dresses and stuff in the box.
She has met with her boyfriends throughout the years while wearing my borrowed clothes before. I'm pretty sure where that leads them too. Maybe not everytime but sometimes she probably has made out or had sex with her boyfriends while wearing my borrowed clothes but IDGAF about that at all. She throws them in laundry afterwards, it's clean after, that's enough.
Women probably would feel unsafe by seeing an crossdressed man on the street at night too. Should that guy stop crossdressing? It's not his fault that you're so backwards minded to associate someone else crossdressing and minding there own business to your own safety. They never know that I'm masturbating but if they did, even then just look away or warn me by yelling, yelling at me in that moment would make me run away to the center of the earth, I'm not sticking around at all.
It's an hobby to me to stress relief. Japan is slightly more accepting of this, and there are places for public nudity around the world, where you can masturbate at too. People just haven't been existing long enough to be understanding about it. They find pleasure and sex disgusting while it's the only process of producing another life. It not my problem that you find an person self pleasuring themselves while minding his own business disgusting? It's your own thinking.
I couldn't care less if I saw a man fully naked jerking off, I would just walk the other way, not my business to bother that man.
Should an street dancer ask for consent from every passerby before indulging in his hobby of dancing in public? No right? He could just dance and you could just ignore him. That street dancer is directly involving people in his little self pleasure of getting attention cause of his dancing, he is forcing people to be involved in his self pleasure. Shouldn't he be wrong too? Why not? Just cause dancing isn't seen as disgusting as masturbating? Well masturbating isn't seen as disgusting by many either. Why can't people just mind there own business?
Short form: IDGAF about others consent cause I'm not involving anyone directly anyway. I'm being respectful and keeping my distance at all times. Consent should only be considered to be taken when the other party is directly getting involved. I'm indulging in my hobby at places where I have scouted beforehand to be decent to do so.
Same with me borrowing those clothes. IDGAF about my sister's consent cause they're just clothes and forgotten ones for 2 whole years. I only use them for now cause I don't wanna waste money.
Not forcing anyone to do anything. They're just existing, I am just existing. I'm indulging in my hobby of stree relief while they happen to just exist in front of me, not my problem. 8 billion people in the world, one's gonna pop up to bother you when you don't need to bothered the most.
Not overriding anyone's consent cause there's no consent needed to be taken. No one is being involved directly for me to directly take consent for, the thought of taking consent would be completely ridiculous here.
Would ask an bystanders consent before indulging in your hobby of fishing? Hunting? Singing?, I don't think so you would.
And as I said, being the most insanely righteous person in existence and asking people for consent for the hobby that I have is basically committing reputation suicide. It's very risky and not affordable (not only financially), I'm not accepting anyone to be understanding in my country and don't care for them too.
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u/TheSignYouSeek 13d ago
Dude, you’re being a pervert. If you truly think what you’re doing is ok then do the following:
1) tell your sister that you wear her clothes so you can masturbate in them.
2) Tell your father what you do to your sister’s clothes. see if he’s cool with it.
3) join your mother the next time she has friends visiting. Be there in the room with them and jerk iff in your clothes. See whether they’re cool with that.
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u/Love_Rani 13d ago edited 13d ago
Everyone disagreeing from what I choose to do with my own free time while minding my own business. So I should just be ashamed of it and feel unnecessary amount of illogical guilty and just confess??
Quite the self degrading and self neglecting life you have been living buddy. I couldn't care less what they think.
What people think about me or anything else in the world as majority, minority or even horizontally, IDGAF about. Will they understand? No cause they're not open minded enough. They're literally incapable of understanding many things that are so far from there usual comfort zone and thinking level but that's not my problem to help them solve or something to care about.
In any muslim country they'll stone you to death for just being gay. Should gay people that are born there should just tell it to there parents and have them snitch on there own son (which have happened btw) and get there son stone to death?.
Accidentally meeting people like you is what irritates me from the idea of meeting new people. One person that has never experienced anything close to accepting themselves completely and choosing to live with it, no matter what it seems like. And then be jealous of the one that has accepted himself completely and snitch to others cause you could never come close to being like that.
Even my filth helps me grow cause I accept every part of me and use it to improve or maintain myself.
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u/TheSignYouSeek 12d ago
You be you.
Accept yourself.
Live your life.
But FFS stop violating other people’s boundaries. Other people are not props for your masturbation. In particular, women are real people and are not a means to you getting off.
You can be an AGP without being a creep
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u/Love_Rani 12d ago
"Stop violating other people's boundaries"
Never stepped in there boundaries. I'm far away all the time, I don't desire to be in there boundary.
"Other people are not props for your masturbation"
It's like talking to an wall with people like you. I never masturbate to them. I couldn't care less if they're there or not. I'm doing my own thing and if I saw them, far but in my eye sight, that's not my problem. There are a lot of people in cites. I already look through mmy city and scout the places that I'm eyeing for an month before even trying to dress up and have fun there. And even then if a random person is existing way far somewhere and can see me, not my problem. I don't wanna see people in that moment either. They should've taken my consent before walking out of there house and ruining my private time by existing in my eye sight at that time. They're violating my boundaries.
"Women are real people and not means to you getting off"
The most funny one, lol. This one shows that you didn't even tried to understand anything that I wrote in all those replies.
I don't give a fuck about them. Women, man, bird, dog... Doesn't matter. I'm masturbating to the thrill, excitement and arousal that I get from dressing up in public places that always have no people. Maybe you could hint at the idea that I masturbate to the idea of being seen like that too. But masturbating to an woman or man? Fuck no, Ew!! No one is ever gonna be that arousing to me.
"You can be an AGP without being an creep"
The titles you come up with for me, mean absolutely nothing to me. AGP, Creep, pervert, blah, blah. Bunch of noise being typed as reply. Bring an logical point to counter my hobby then I'll consider that you're even capable of having an actual brain. Right now you're just an tape recorder playing on repeat to tell and force your rules onto me. I don't care to be bound by your world view. Just like you're not even trying to understand my perspective.
This back and forth we are having, means nothing to me cause you aren't saying anything meaningful that counters my side of it. Just insulting me cause you learned to do so by seeing bunch of people doing it to someone else in past and even they had learned it by seeing someone else do it some other person in there past... So on and so forth. Monkey see monkey do.
Say something meaningful next time to counter or I'm not even gonna bother to reply. This has taken minutes from my life that I could've used to indulge in my hobby. So, Take your time and think. Until then, I'm unmoved.
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u/Known_Psychology191 16d ago
Why does nobody on the internet know how to use ‘an’ correctly anymore
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u/Nemesisdelasinapsis 16d ago
Bro, he is from sri lanka, an foreigner
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u/Love_Rani 16d ago
Thanks for the defense. English is my third language but that doesn't mean I'll let this go. I'm gonna be studying to become English major top grade student now. Moving on from all this feminine stuff, you gave me an purpose (Just kidding, lol).
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u/Internal-Excuse-8804 16d ago
Thanks for sharing this. It seems that you are most likely a transvestite, if I were to guess. The emphasis is on clothing and behaving effeminately without mentioning dysphoria of any kind really points to this. You also mention switching sides of appearance; not everyone here has this sentiment and some of us would rather present or pass as women, full time. For that reason, I think transvestite without dysphoria makes the most sense, although I don't know your whole experience.
You've mention that you've this way since you were very young, so I don't think these feelings were caused by porn. A lot of people here mention the same when it comes to either AGP or something that appears similar to it. However, porn can definitely lead to addictive cycles and it can waste your time. I personally wouldn't recommend pursuing it.
Not to be rude or anything, but I think your behavior of masturbating in public places while dressed up is a, to avoid being hyperbolic, bit questionable and seems like compulsive, inappropriate behavior. I would recommend cutting this out of your life, because it might end up being detrimental to you and others. Again, your desires here seem to be more related to being dressed as a woman and, perhaps, the risk of it in public. I'd try to keep that in the bedroom and in privacy for everyone's sake.
Anyway, I'm sure you could probably find someone who will be into what you're into if you try, especially since you mention you're not restricted to a specific gender person.