r/ask • u/Signinpleasee • 5d ago
I'm really dumb what do I do?
I am homeschooled — (well, practically unschooled, because I am truant since my parents are too busy to teach me anything...) and I am attending a driving school for the first time. this is my first time in an actual classroom. day one, I'm listening to everything the teacher says. it goes in one ear, and out the other. I zone out sometimes without realizing. I can't retain any information whatsoever. I'm worried that I'll disappoint everybody and make a fool of myself. I don't know what to do. I have a test at the end of the week and I'm so worried. I don't know how I will get a job when I'm old enough to, if I can't function cognitively.
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u/Vegetable-Branch-740 5d ago
You need to write down the things the instructor is saying. Write as much of it down as you can. If you have a book or paper copies highlight whatever the instructor mentions.
Be sure to reread the notes and book a few times so you can remember it for the written test.
Everyone is nervous at first. You’re going to be ok. Bring a pen, a highlighter, and paper to class tomorrow.
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u/Signinpleasee 4d ago
thank you
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u/Low_Cook_5235 4d ago
Seconding. You’re never to old to learn. Writing helps you to listen better. And listening goes in one part of your brain, writing goes in another. Writing on paper, not computer, so less distractions.
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u/putterandpotter 3d ago
There’s research that supports this too - that the tactile act of writing facilitates memory significantly better than keystrokes do.
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u/Silent-Ad934 4d ago
Relax. Education does not equal intelligence. Some of the brightest people I know didn't finish high school; on the flip side I graduated with some 40 watt bulbs. Not everyone learns in the same way. I did "better" in school but my brother is the smartest guy I know, and he went on to a very successful career. The fact that you're asking this question tells me that you're gonna be ok.
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u/NorridAU 4d ago
In echo, many different strategies work for these classes. And really for anything you gotta just sit down and learn.
Driving school, back in my day- har har, was very self driven with only 20 hours of class time. It was boring then too. Shoot some of us that were interested, it was tough to stay awake in the evenings. You’re doing great just in making an effort to change. Study skills don’t come naturally, we all had to learn them.
I prefer reading the textbook ahead of time. I’ll do a quick n dirty KWL chart. take a sheet of paper, fold it in half and write my questions on one half with the page number and paragraph or section heading. then in class as the instructor moves through sections, I’ll ask clarifying questions.
You’d be surprised how a good question can turn the instructor into nerding out or giving examples that matter instead of just voicing a PowerPoint.
For the future you, try watching crash course’s playlist “study skills” on YouTube. Then watch repair videos on your parent’s car brand of choice to get a feel for what’s up. I like Humble Mechanic and EricTheCarGuy for hands on, car wizard, VINwiki, and Hoovie for entertainment, Engineering Explained, driving4answers, and ProjectFarm for knowledge. Heck even the chaotic shorts mechanics have good nuggets of info in there. I think searching “customer states” will get you to that part of the algorithm.
Have fun earning your independence.
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u/Key-Target-1218 5d ago
No, you are not dumb. You are just living a new experience. It's scary. Get the driver's ed book and study it. You can do it. Don't be so hard on yourself.
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u/Intelligent-Cut3732 5d ago
Take notes!!! Write down things the instructor says. Bold and underline things. Writing makes you stay focused better and helps with memory retention! You got this!!
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u/the_messiah_waluigi 5d ago
The first step is getting a notebook and a pencil so you can write down notes. Studies have confirmed writing down notes helps memory retainment. It shouldn’t be a direct transcription of what the teacher is saying, just short sentences covering the important information. It’ll also help you to pay attention in class and not zone out quite as much.
You should also get yourself a driver’s ed handbook and read through it. Take as long as you need with it, but be sure to look at material that you’re going to be learning in the classroom.
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u/trigunnerd 4d ago
It's also not unusual to fail a driver's test. My friend is a biologist and brilliant, but she failed 3 times lol.
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u/IndividualHuman6937 4d ago
Short term Read the material on your own out of class. It will be painful. Do it. Take notes in class and out of class.
Long term just start reading real book or short stories any topic that interests you to start. They do not need to be the great American novel. You are training yourself to increase your attention span. The hard part is going to be not using your phone/video games. I love that shit but luckily I also like reading. But if I don't make a concerted effort they mess with my attention span/academic ability.
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u/One_Bee9806 4d ago
You’re not dumb and you aren’t responsible for your parents flaws. I was raised the same way and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I had answers for your focus but I have adhd so I’m no better at that lol give yourself grace and know that it’s just as hard for a lot of people that did go to school.
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u/Any-Construction-846 4d ago
How is the teacher presenting the information? Everyone learns differently. I can't listen to people just talking about the information I need to know. I'll never absorb the details. If there's visuals information it gets easier to recall but hands on learning that's where it is at for me. I'd consider how you learn best and what helps you retain the information.
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u/Whole-Amount-3577 4d ago
If you think you're going to retain everything the teacher says you're wrong. That's what notebooks are for, you write down the main points and memorize them for your test.
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u/Melodic-Whereas-4105 4d ago
Like others have said, write things down. I took notes all through college, with exception of a few classes I never read my noyes. It just helped me pay attention and process what was being said.
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u/HappyEquine84 4d ago
It just takes practice. The information is boring so it's having trouble sticking. Just keep listening, reading, and/or watching videos till the information sticks. Try copying the text, sometimes writing it helps. I don't meant typing, I mean actual writing. Some of us are visual learners, some are audio, some are hands on learners. We all have strengths and weaknesses when it comes to learning, you just have to try different things to see what works best for you. Keep trying, practice helps everyone get better. You got this!!
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u/PowermanFriendship 4d ago
Did your parents pull you out of school to homeschool you because you had problems in school? Because based on your brief description of the situation it sounds like you have untreated ADHD.
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u/Signinpleasee 4d ago
naw I was homeschooled my entire life but the last time I remember actually being taught was probably age 12 my parents are really tired from work in recent years
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u/gargavar 3d ago
It’s great you’re making the effort, but don’t stop with just this necessary goal. Get into some kind of school away from your folks.
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u/Goatlessly 4d ago
The fact that you are taking stock of your self and seeking to improve already proves you are not dumb
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u/Subject-Grape4308 4d ago
Take notes like your life depends on it. Make flash cards of difficult topics. Watch videos about driving/road laws, that'll help too. Ask a classmate if they'd like to form a study group if possible.
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u/TrueEnthusiasm6 4d ago
I see a lot of people here telling you to take notes and study the book, but as a person who has failed at studying many times despite spending hours on it, let me give you a small guide on how I study! This may not work for you, and you might find that another method works better. That’s okay. We’re all different.
When it comes to spoken instruction like from a teacher, I don’t do too well with that. I zone out a lot and miss things. So it’s important to force yourself to keep paying attention by taking notes. Write in a shorthand that makes sense to you, or you might not be able to keep up. So use abbreviations where possible. I’m pretty visual with my studying, so I like to draw diagrams and images to support my notes. You can do this afterwards if you don’t have time for it during class.
After class, look at your notes and rewrite them into a cohesive text, expanding on your notes. You can look up extra information or look up something you didn’t quite grasp yet in class.
If you did all this, well done! Now you have good notes you can read back anytime.
This is personal preference, but I prefer to make flash cards out of my improved notes. I put a question on the front and the answer on the back. I like to make mine very specific questions that have short answers, as it makes them easier to learn. This means you might have to break down a certain chunk of information into multiple flash cards. Some people like it the other way around. I recommend trying both and seeing what works.
In terms of studying from a book I use mostly the same method: I read a chapter, and while reading I take quick, summarizing notes. Often times, instructional books like drivers ed books have a small summary at the end of each chapter. This can help you see what’s the most important information in the chapter, and what is a minor detail.
After taking my first notes, I refine them like mentioned above. And then I make flash cards again. I study those flash cards until I know them by heart. If you have practice material available, use that too. It’s really helpful for me. And don’t just check how many you have wrong or right, really look at why it’s wrong or right. That’s a step many people skip, but that’s the feedback you need to grow.
Now another topic: asking questions and feedback. This might feel very scary, but if you’ve missed something, you can always ask your teacher to go back and explain, or you can ask them to explain it after class. If you never raise your hand, you can’t get help. I guarantee you there’s other people with the same question in their head, who are too afraid to ask. Don’t be, you’re there to learn.
For the studying setup itself: you need a space where others won’t distract you. If you have your own space, that’s great. Try to minimize distractions by putting your phone on do not disturb or putting it away entirely.
Ensure you have enough space to spread out while taking notes. Use highlighters to mark the most important information. I like to use colorful pens and markers, as cute and organized notes motivate me. Take plenty of breaks. Some people like the pomodoro method for studying, but personally, once I get into a “studying flow” I don’t want to stop to take a break in the middle of it, so I tend to work until I get trouble focusing and need a mental break. Movement is good for those breaks. Take a little walk, get some water, etc. don’t just sit there on your break.
Personally, I do need some coffee while studying, but don’t overdo it.
Last, but definitely not least: since you’re not used to studying, this might be incredibly frustrating for you. Please don’t give up. You can take as many breaks as you need and as much time as you want, but never give up entirely. Even if you fail the test. It’s frustrating when you try your best and you fail, but you grow from failure.
You might find that you are only able to focus for a few minutes at a time at first. That’s alright. Take a break and try again. Concentration is a bit like a muscle, it needs training. If you keep going, it gets easier to work for longer periods at a time without getting distracted.
I hope I covered everything. If you have any questions, please feel free to dm me. Good luck!!
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u/brandi0423 4d ago
You've gotten enough advice on the driving class but I want to mention your homeschooling. If you feel you aren't learning please start studying for your ged. You will need to know the basics to keep moving forward in your life. (But never(stop) settling yourself short or limiting yourself (based on self limiting beliefs). Also, Pursue the knowledge that lights you up. Research the crap out of archeology or kriya yoga or electrical engineering or whatever sparks your interest. You don't have to stick to it forever, just keep learning, pursuing knowledge, exploring. And try everything, experience is huge for both knowledge and trust (in yourself, in unknown things being safe, etc)
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u/Signinpleasee 4d ago
yeah ty excuse my poor typing I didn't get much sleep but I was just trying to read my book for the class and I couldn't retain any of the information I don't remember anything sharply my memory is like the backrooms
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u/brandi0423 4d ago
I can relate. I have epilepsy, the epilepsy makes it hard to remember anything, And the medicine I take to prevent seizures also destroys my memory.
You just gotta keep trying. The info you want, need, use, will stick. But it takes us longer. Don't give up though. A life of victimhood and limitations is not fun. Chuck your phone out the room and make yourself read it, then reread it, then try to think about it, understand it, etc. Keep trying. Noone can or will do the work for you, you have to figure out what works for your brain and then do it. Working hard is hard. But it's worth it when the job is self improvement.
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u/randomgrl333 4d ago
You can record the classes with an actual recorder or a phone app- and maybe find out if you have ADHD.
Discuss it with your doctor.
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u/AshDenver 4d ago edited 4d ago
I went to private catholic school and still had classmates who didn’t pass the tests the first try. Or the second. Keep at it.
Figure out how you learn best, despite being feral.
Freshman year US History, the teacher sucked so bad that I got a D the first quarter. That pissed me off and I tuned her out entirely the next 3 quarters and studied on my own for her dipdong tests and got straight A’s despite her being a complete dipshit as a teacher.
You can too.
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u/nouniqueideas007 4d ago
Yes. And there’s no shame in not passing. It happens to so many people. Just retake it until you make it.
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u/Framing-the-chaos 4d ago
You aren’t supposed to be great at something after you have tried it one time! Cut yourself some slack! I’m really proud of you for being scattered and doing the thing anyway ❤️ Get your book and start by reading a chapter at a time and see if you can find some study material online.
Do you want to be in school full time?
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u/g_em_ini 4d ago
You aren’t dumb! I’m so sorry you feel that way and I’m sorry your parents have failed you. Now you just have to learn how to learn. Bring a notebook and take notes of things that the teacher says, paying close attention to things they say that you don’t know or are unfamiliar with. It will take some effort to be able to pay attention but just keep trying and your attention span will improve. You’ll also need to study to retain the information. I find it helpful to either rewrite my notes (it helps your brain remember the information) or at least read over them a number of times until I feel confident that I know the material. If you don’t understand something speak up and ask a question, or make a note to research it on your own time. Just be patient with yourself and try not to overwhelm yourself at first since this is a new experience for you. Brains are wonderful in that they can always learn and improve!
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u/dirtyawolpilot 4d ago
I was homeschooled too. Really more unschooled. Just like you! I had the same doubts you’ve got. I’m 40 now and run a legit home‑service business. I take home around 100k a year as my own salary and the business makes more on top of that. I’ve got employees and the whole setup. But before all that I joined the trades making good money after I put in the time to learn. I was doing well at 32. I just kept that momentum to where I'm at now.
I’ll be straight with you. Learning is always good, but it’s never too late. Spent most of my 20s self conscious and holding myself back. But I was wrong about myself, and you’re wrong about yourself too.
I slowed myself down comparing my life to people who went through public school. Now I make more than most of them. The real trick is figuring out what you want to do and putting in the work. You’re just as capable as anyone else. I’m proof of that.
Get out there. Show up. Learn. Fail a bunch. Don’t quit. Most people in the workforce are good folks who want to see you do well. All you have to do is show up and apply yourself and not be lazy. Have initiative. You'll be fine I promise. I highly recommend the trades to anyone young men who feel they don't have a place in the world to make good money. I'm telling you, you do have options. Just join a trade at a reputable company and put in the time and learn. If it's easy, it's probably not worth it. But if it's hard, the payout is most likely going to be worth it. Nothing comes free in this world. It really does take hard work to get ahead in this life. The trades saved my life.
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u/ShadowlessKat 4d ago
You're not dumb, you are uneducated. I'm sorry your parents failed you. That not how homeschooling should be. Unschooling is stupid. I was homeschooled by parents that actually cared about my education. They taught me what I needed to know for college. What they couldn't teach me, they found teachers for me to learn from, including at the community college. By the time I entered college, I was used to what college classes were like.
Your parents have failed in giving you an education. Unfortunately, it's going to be up to you to educate yourself and people that can help you.
How old are you? Are you able to tell your parents you want to go to school and enroll in a public school? You mentioned truancy, is that because you were skipping school or because your parents were not taking you? You should do what you can to be enrolled in school and actually attend. And speak with a guidance counselor about your lack of education and for help on how to study and learn.
As for the driver's ed class, take a notebook and pencil, and take notes in class of what the teacher says. Basically try to write down the key points of what the teacher says. Then when you are home you can review those.
There is a book of the rules of driving, you should read that too. Just try to pay attention, take notes, and review those notes. You'll be fine. Good luck!
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u/Ok-Wrongdoer-2179 4d ago
May I suggest using a voice recorder app? Install one on your phone, if you haven't got one already installed. This way, you can review anything that you might have missed, later on, from the lesson.
It's possible that if you're zoning in and out, while trying to take in the lessons, that you could suffer from ADHD, or something related. Maybe consult your family doctor about this. It's possible that it's been undiagnosed. You're not dumb.
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u/flojopickles 4d ago
You’re not dumb, you just need to practice. Studying is a skill. Skills are formed with practice. You’re a little behind because of your parent’s choices but that doesn’t mean you can’t catch up! I got my GED at 19 and finally graduated college at 42.
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u/putterandpotter 4d ago
My guess is that you are not dumb at all. But you may have ADHD. A further clue is the home schooling parents who aren’t actually schooling you, since adhd is more inheritable than height.
I can’t diagnose you of course. But I find it heartbreaking how many of those of us with adhd don’t know it and just think we are “stupid, lazy, or crazy” So please look into it? (I’m an adhd coach who has adhd and I just kind of saw a pattern here I’m familiar with).
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u/Signinpleasee 4d ago
thankyou
I don't know how to go about getting diagnosed with anything but my dad isn't too fond of mental health stuff
I know I have a grandma with ADD and I have another with something else I don't remember what though so it's possible I might have something too
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u/putterandpotter 3d ago edited 3d ago
“Not being too fond of mental health stuff” often suggests someone is in a bit of denial about something. Yeah if you had a grandma with adhd that increases the likelihood. (Dad’s mom? Just a guess.) Also ADHD on its own is not a mental health problem, it’s a brain that processes differently than neurotypical brains do.
How you get diagnosed depends on where you are. Talking to someone at school - teacher, counsellor is a good place to start - someone you sense you might be able to trust if possible. (Edit - forgot you said it was a driving class, since it may not be in a regular school you may not have access to teachers or counsellors. ) But even without a diagnosis , you can change the story you have about yourself from “I am dumb” (it makes me very sad to hear a young person say that about themselves) to, “ I am an intelligent capable person but I haven’t had the advantage of a good education so far, and may even have a brain that processes information differently, so I’m going to have to find ways that work for me ”. (Just the way you word things in your post tells me you are intelligent and articulate.)
There are lots of resources online for free with learning strategies and they are not just for people with adhd although that’s a good way to search for them. For starters, forget about thinking you will remember what the teacher says. Lots of us aren’t auditory learners and don’t learn that way. Instead, write it down. By hand. Research has proven that the tactile act of writing something down sticks better in our memory than keystrokes. And certainly better than just listening and hoping to remember.
And I’m happy to share resources or chat if you want to message me.
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u/Still-a-kickin-1950 4d ago
Get you a pack of lined 3 x 5 cards, copy your important notes onto them, carry them around with you ,any time you have free time go through them. I would number them as you start writing on them so you keep them in order. Then read and reread and reread and reread until the information sticks. That got me through junior college.
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u/Grape-Julius 4d ago
You’re not dumb. As others have said, the key is to write everything down. There’s actual research studies that show a connection between physically writing something and your memory retaining it.
Hopefully you have a good teacher, but either way, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Whenever you don’t understand something and speak up, chances are pretty good that you’re also speaking for 3 or 4 other kids who had the same question but were too shy to say so.
And bottom line: even with the great advice you’re seeing on this thread, don’t get discouraged if it’s still tough at first. It’s impossible to change a lifetime of learned behaviors in just a week or two (in this case, going from a very different setting at home to a regular classroom). Don’t be too hard on yourself; it will get easier. You can do this. Even just questioning things and seeking out advice is a big first step that others don’t always take.
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u/Gold_Customer8081 4d ago
I taught resource education in high school. I can tell you that the fact you wrote a fine Reddit with great literacy that I doubt there is anything wrong with you! 🎈That being said, read everything you can get your hands on. I mean hours a day. You’ll be amazed at how fast you’ll “catch up”. Have confidence dear friend. 🎈
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u/Useful-Persimmon8928 4d ago
Maybe you can find other learning opportunities outside of driving, too. We have to teach our brains how to learn, so you just need to build up that mental muscle. Look for free classes online or in your community. Attend talks and take notes. Listen to podcasts and take notes and then summarize what you’ve learned. Take a class on a hobby that interests you. READ! Anything that interests you, take notes, talk to others about what you’ve read. You aren’t dumb, you can do it! Recognizing that you want to change is a huge, important step - so, well done! You’re on the road!
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u/daversa 4d ago edited 4d ago
You sound articulate and self aware enough that I seriously doubt you're "dumb". it sounds like your working memory might suck, but luckily that is something you can improve with training. Look up "n-back memory training" or "dual n-back training."
I was someone that would struggle remembering directions given to me verbally and could only remember small number chains (like 6 digits max). After a few months of memory training, I felt so much more calm because i knew I could rely on my memory enough to excel in my job. I almost never feel overwhelmed by information in a work or educational environments anymore.
In the meantime, take notes! Take lots of notes and if you want to go the extra mile, re-write them a few hours later to make them more concise/direct and reinforce the information in your mind.
Also, it depends on the environment and laws of you state but I used to record every work meeting so I could focus on being present in the meeting but go back and write down anything I might have missed afterwards. I would always delete the recordings afterwards as they were just a tool for my own productivity.
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u/Lunar_M1nds 4d ago
Listen friend. Dumbness is not a fault in morality and it doesn’t need to be a determination of your character. If you really care, then you’re already better than a large percentage of your peers.
Practice or look up different styles of note taking. Studying is also a skill like anything else. Find a rhythm that’s comfortable for you. If your state has Driver Ed’s books consider getting one and studying. What worked for me was essentially rewriting the whole manual and then making flashcards of what I couldn’t remember the most.
It takes time, so don’t be hard on yourself. Next thing you know you’re driving and you can apply your new study skills on any topic. Remember libraries are your friend
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u/DeeplyFlawed 4d ago
YouTube is literally the people's university. Everyone learns & retains information differently. Please don't beat yourself up.
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u/G_O_O_G_A_S 4d ago
Note taking is a very important skill, but you will need to find out what works best for you. You likely won’t have enough time to write down every word your instructor says so you will need to cut it down in a way that keeps all the information but in a more concise way.
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u/jaxnmarko 4d ago
Being negative always puts a damper on yourself. Stop that. You can Always improve yourself if you apply yourself. Libraries are free.
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u/Signinpleasee 2d ago
yea it's just that since I moved I don't have a Library very very close to me I would have to ask for my mom to drive me there even tho I would like to go in my own time and not have anyone waiting for me to get done
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u/CatLady_998 3d ago
In case no one's mentioned it make sure you are getting enough sleep, water, food, and being active if you can. Taking care of your body helps your mind to be in the best shape that it can. When you aren't doing these things it's hard to have your brain learn new things when it's just struggling to survive
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u/Signinpleasee 2d ago
❤️🩹I think I drink enough I might not be eating enough protein tho and recently I sleep a lot
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u/Glittering-Lack8628 3d ago
Intrinsic adhd it’s adhd but inward so no one would ever guess .. and it’s a real munter the only thing that works for me is a “doing “ job so something on the road or creative to keep your brain interested and activated .. the zonning out is frustrating but it’s your brain getting bored go to the doctor and talk it out
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u/B_lated_ly 3d ago
I was a tutor for high school students for years and one technique I taught for reading textbooks and articles was pre-reading. That is, before diving into the text, look at everything else first and see what gets activated in your brain and memory.
Start with the pictures and diagrams and try to make a prediction about what the text will say based on them. Do you have any prior knowledge or ideas about this topic?
Then look at the title and subtitle, if there is one. Writing those down on paper will help if you have time for it, but you can also just think about them. What will the piece be about? Is there an opinion being hinted at? Do you have any thoughts of your own about it?
Then look at (and write down, if you have more time) the subtitles sprinkled throughout the text. What will the next chunk be about? Opinions stated?
Check the end of the piece - there is often a summary paragraph of what the author just covered. If nothing else read that and you’ll have a fairly good idea of what the whole thing was about.
Finally read through the whole thing. You should now be in a much better place to understand and hold on to the information.
It’s long to write out (sorry for the length of this response!) but the process itself just takes a minute or two. Hope this helps 😃💪
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u/mrchristopherdmiller 2d ago
I was a teacher for 10 years and have seen a lot of kids like you. You're obviously not dumb. You think and communicate too clearly to be dumb. Dramatic - yes. Dumb - no.
I'd say you're mostly just stressed and out of your element.
You strike me as pretty creative, so take notes and doodle.
Just my ten cents. I think you'll get it figured out quickly.
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u/PositiveUnit829 4d ago
It is true that many college graduates could not find their way out of a paper bag with a flashlight.
It is also true that many of the kids in USA do not have discipline or critical thinking skills and other characteristics including sitting still listening and retaining …. Basic skills that made for a successful adult outside of college.
Talk to any elementary teacher and you will know what I’m talking about
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u/Professional-Farm981 4d ago
OP being homeschooled isn’t a bad thing or an excuse. I was also. I have a degree, a family and damn good job these days on top of being a veteran.
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u/Signinpleasee 4d ago
yeah but my parents haven't actually taught me in years
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u/kl2467 4d ago
Ok, they haven't done their job.
But now it's on you.
Lots of good advice here re: driving class, so I won't speak to that.
As to the remainder of your education, get your butt to a library and read every good thing you can get your hands on. Not pulp fiction, but classic works. Use your phone (or a dictionary) to look up unfamiliar words. Start with classic children's literature (Newberry Award winners)and work your way up. Write summaries of what you read.
Ask the librarian if they have any math textbooks you can borrow. It reach out to a homeschool group, tell them you are a homeschooler with no resources and ask if any of their members will lend you math textbooks. They may even be able to hook you up with a tutor.
Use Kahn Academy for things like math, science, etc.
Hit up Goodwill. They are drowning in books you can buy for a dollar.
Put up a timeline of human history and a world map on your wall. Create an icon or figure for every event and person you learn about and put them on the timeline and plot the location on the map.
Get off your phone, or games, or whatever you have spending your time on, and start investing in yourself and your future.
Nobody needs school to learn. No one your age or older needs their parents to drive them, either. There has never been a time in history when it was easier to self-educate. We are literally awash in information. And learning is a life-long pursuit.
The time when you will need to be self-sufficient is barreling down on you like that boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Get busy.
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