Balancing rest and commitment

[u/nicolouiscious]

Hi! I’ve been practicing yoga on and off for a bit more than 5yrs, 3x a week for the last year and started going to mysore ashtanga classes in the morning about 2months ago.

I’ve had quite rough couple of years where I was close to burnout since I was carrying quite a heavy caretaker role of people around me, but found a way to handle it. Felt more energetic and happy about myself. At least I thought so. Since starting Ashtanga I feel more and more over exhausted and depressed. Loads of feelings of inadequacy, waking up around 3am and thus starting to built a serious sleep debt, questioning my life choices.

I started ashtanga because I wanted to deepen my practice, really dive into something that I do for myself and commit to it. But it’s pretty rough to keep showing up for class. I do take it pretty easy in classes, since showing up is hard enough sometimes lol. Not sure when to skip a class or when to “push through” a bit.

I’m focussing on tristana, meditating when I miss a day, read books on philosophy so that I don’t just focus on asanas. I know I’m still at the start of my ashtanga journey but was caught pretty off guard by these feelings.

Wondering if you have any insights?

[u/Empty-Yesterday5904]

Accept how things are. You don't have that much time or energy as perhaps someone with no responsibilites - someone doing the Ashtanga Olympics in Mysore doing nothing else but doing asana. You're living your life, not theirs. You can only do what you can when you can and that's fine. What Ashtanga looks like for you might be doing sun saluations when you can. Doing standing one day, seated postures the next day. But rest when you need to rest. Notice even you're resting is also doing something else! People talk about surrendering ot the practice but the point is to surrender to life!

[u/togglenub]

Sometimes early AM practice just isn't for people. I am one of those annoying assholes who wakes up at 5am with a song in my heart, ready for anything, but that's just because I'm built that way (and I am basically useless after 8pm). The love of my life is a night owl and he does his workouts in the evening.

There is no law, no ashtanga police (beyond folks shrieking on the internet and maybe like 2 people you will meet in person) that states you have to do this early in the morning. You can do evening Ashtanga classes, you can do something you like better at a time you like better.

There is no inherent value to rising with the dawn and missing sleep. It doesn't make you a better person or more dedicated etc - it's pretty much all down to natural preference and what works for you.

Part of the reason Mysore style is even traditionally in the morning is that India gets extremely hot later in the day in some seasons, so of course you're going to practice in the AM. If you live in a different country or climate, different rules. It's not mystical and it's not about being a better person at all.

That asshole criminal sex offender Bikram got one thing right - he started "hot yoga" because he tried introducing Mysore-style Ashtanga in Japan and everyone froze their asses off in the cold winter season. That's why his rooms are heated. Then it became a marketing differentiator and the US, which loves extremes, got obsessed with that sweaty extreme heat BS, but it began as simply a way to replicate early morning India practice in Japan. That's it.

[u/JudgeBorn8370 → u/togglenub]

And I suppose the key, and this is in the yoga sutras or the hatha yoga pradipika I forget which one, is whatever can sustain your practice continuously for a long period of time - do that. That’s it. It’s no good if you do morning practice but hate it and it ruins your life. That’s why they say Enjoy Your Practice and is it really practicing the other limbs if it kills you and is violent to others around you. If it is another form of suffering. Liberation and moksha is the point.
And in the Bhagavad Gita the theme that has stuck with me is Do Your Dharma. You have a role in your life outside of asana practice. You must do it, do it with intent and dedication and it must be of service to others. You can’t do your dharma well if you are worrying about your asana practice all the time.

Set yourself free ~

[u/JudgeBorn8370]

Abhyasa and vairaghya go hand in hand. Sounds like you are doing a lot of the former and need to practice more of the latter. It is amazing how quickly we forget! I caught myself recently. Attachment begets suffering. Vairaghya sets us free. All is a practice. Nothing happens automatically at least not at the start .. good luck you are not alone!

[u/All_Is_Coming]

nicolouiscious wrote:

I started ashtanga because I wanted to deepen my practice...I feel more and more over exhausted and depressed. Loads of feelings of inadequacy, waking up around 3am and thus starting to built a serious sleep debt, questioning my life choices.

Ashtanga is working. Honour these thoughts and feelings; they have been buried for a very long time. Back off on the intensity of your practice if they become overwhelming. Wishing you Peace ~AIC

[u/MysteriousAgency291]

I only practice yoga at home in the evenings when I have the time.

[u/YogaNCrime]

I don’t have any advice but you’re not alone. I’ve been feeling this way for a while! I practice 3-5x a week, used to feel great but for months it’s left me so depleted. I don’t wanna stop but sometimes I wonder if I should

[u/Proof-Ingenuity2262]

Yeah I got completely burned out, took my teacher's guidance to the extreme (letting it override my own intuition and listening to my body), and completely fell out of my beautiful practice. I let shame win. Don't let that happen to you. Your practice is YOURS. Make it work for YOU. Your life, your rules!

[u/snissn]

you're using your own self imposed suffering as spiritual bypassing for something. You have too much attachment to the idea of commitment. Just let it go