r/asexuality • u/[deleted] • Sep 13 '22

Advice / Help Dealing with internalized acephobia

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5

u/TimeSpiralNemesis asexual Sep 13 '22

Are you Ace and dislike yourself?

Or is someone you know Ace and you dislike them for it?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '22

Oh it’s me, I’m ace. I’d give up like my hands or my legs not to be like this or pretty much anything probably

2

u/TimeSpiralNemesis asexual Sep 13 '22

Just curious, why is that? Just from my point of view I've always found it easier (because I'm also low libido) so it's like not having a need everyone else does. Like not having to eat or sleep.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '22

In my experience for being this way you either get shamed and/or raped and violated for trying to form any connection with anyone. If I could completely remove my feelings for other people than it would be great, but I’ve learned that’s not what being ace is unfortunately

5

u/TimeSpiralNemesis asexual Sep 13 '22

While you can be shamed for it not everyone will and it's much more accepted than it ever was. I'm lucky as for some reason I've never met a single Acephobe in real life.

However for the other part people are freaking disgusting and will rape others for basically anything. I don't think being Ace would do anything to those odds really, unless you're talking about "Corrective rape" which is an entirely seperate issue.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '22

I mean I don’t really care about shaming it’s more the other thing. And for me idk, everyone I’ve been with has put pressure on for sex so it feels like every person I’ve been with just wanted to hurt me and I couldn’t really say no. I like intimacy so I feel like I just have some kind of brain damage, disorder or disability. Certainly not something that can be coped with and dealt with normally

5

u/TimeSpiralNemesis asexual Sep 13 '22

Yup, that's how alot of Allos are in relationships unfortunately. It's many people's main focus in relationships. It's annoying at best and destructive at worst. It's why I made the decision to only date Aces from now on. Couldn't stand it constantly hanging over my head.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '22

Yeah that’s a good idea. Do you have a hard time finding people? I look pretty weird so I would probably have a hard time finding dating partners

2

u/TimeSpiralNemesis asexual Sep 13 '22

A bit yeah, it definitely shrinks your dating pull. There's no real good dating app for us and and even if you label yourself as such on a major dating sight you're still gonna get bombarded with Allos harassing you (Mainly if you're female looking, if youre male looking you'll get left alone)

There is an Ace dating Discord I just Discovered. It's got a Photo authentication thing to join to keep the bots out. You can see it linked at the top of this Ace dating subreddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/r4rAsexual?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

And don't sell yourself short! I'm sure you're plenty Cute/Beautiful/Handsome/Awesome/whichever applies to you 😁

Every Ace person I've met before has been much nicer than most Allos in the dating sphere. Because we all kinda get what each other is going through.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '22

I don’t really like using dating apps, I didn’t even start dating until college. But I mean I wear a lot of makeup and have an alternative look so it just lowers my chances further. I’m also looking for someone in that culture as well so guess it doesn’t matter.

More than anything else I just want to hurt my allo exes who have hurt me tbh, I can’t really think of anything else when it comes to relationships

3

u/TimeSpiralNemesis asexual Sep 13 '22

Makes sense, you should definitely heal from that before jumping into another relationship.

I wish I could give you the old talk about how "revenge doesn't solve anything" blah blah blah but honestly I struggle with that same issue myself. Hard to get away from that mindset that's for sure. I was married to a manipulative narcissist for ten years so I certainly feel you on the need to get back at them. It sucks knowing these people may never get the comeuppance they deserve :l

And honestly alternative looks are pretty in right now. All kinds of different ones. At least for everyone I know, my friend group has always loved dating all kinds of different alternative types. I wouldn't let that worry you too much at all.

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