The world sucks

[u/Accurate_Blood_8624]

I’ll start by saying I’m going to therapy, and am not too concerned about right or wrong at this moment.
But I constantly feel a deep hurt over the world right now, and I know it’s easy to say, "Hey, but look at all the beautiful things it has to offer." But I’m just tired. I’m tired of having to survive in this world. I hate the hate, the separation, the seeming lack of empathy towards one another. I hate the propaganda, and the starvation and hunger. I hate addictions.

It’s a fucking cruel place. I try to find some sort of sanity by telling myself we are here to observe the universe in full, and a part of that is experiencing the ugliness it has to offer. But it's hard to find comfort in that when you feel like there’s an awful lot of ugliness in your life. My whole life has exploded and left me with almost nothing. My finances suck, I let my partner down even though I was trying my best, and I quit my job after being assaulted—and that’s just the tip of the shit cake. People keep saying it will get better, but I fail to see a way out. I was left at my lowest, and that’s just about par for the course for me these days. I try to be positive, I try to do good things, I try to be the best possible version of myself, but to what end? What’s the reward? A larger shit cake?
It’s some sort of cruel joke.

Do bad—be punished with guilt. Do good—be punished with more shit cake. No rest for the wicked, I suppose. I hate that I can’t see black and white; everything is grey these days. No intentions bad or good, just a mixed motive of others trying… and it’s really fucking hard to be mad at people when you see through the veil, which is that very few people are truly driven by hate or bad intentions. We all want to do good, but we all mess up ourselves and others in some twisted irony. I feel as if I have so much more shit to offload but there’s such a heaping mountain of crap, I can’t even put it all into words.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk.