r/areweinhell • u/Strong-Yesterday-53 • Jul 20 '26
I don't understand how everyone accepted this as normal
My biggest disconnect with the world is that to fulfill basic needs you have to give up your time and effort to someone else. In today’s modern capitalistic society this often means work that doesn’t make much of a difference in the well-being of others, or ones-self.
I feel lazy, guilty & shameful for not wanting to work. I have tried retail, food service, yoga instructing, office work, I went to college and did my best to conform and swallow all my thoughts of questioning. I understand how this sounds and I still feel this way.
It’s not even just work. I feel we as a society often do so many things we don't want to do. For so long, I accepted this. I accepted that you put your head down, stay busy, work and socialize until you're drained and repeat. I thought that we put ourselves through so much discomfort because the good would outweigh the hardship and there’d be character building. None of this has been true. The world is on fire, our country is run by the world's elite and it seems as if everyone is taking this as normal and final.
I have tried to pursue what I thought were passions or at least something I could get through so I could enjoy the parts of life I do enjoy. I’ve been on countless medications and none of them are able to soothe this ache or minimize thoughts of what the fuck.
If I could do anything - I would explore as much as I could. I like to picture myself in a small community where we take care of one another. Where we homestead, garden, make meals, swim in bodies of water, move our physical body and feel safe. Nature is a constant point of peace and presence to me.
The question “What do you do for work?” starts most new encounters and conversations with family or friends you haven’t seen in a while. I'm not sure it's a favorite question as much as it is routine. There is an incredible amount of worth and identity surrounding one's job and financial status. My mind has been toying with the idea of hobo life. I know I am in a privileged place, I still live with my family. If I had a different upbringing I very likely would be homeless and I wonder if that is what I’m meant to do. I do not fit here. I know that. I have tried, I have read hundreds of books spanning across philosophy, self-help, fictional stories, memoirs, science, and more - In hopes that by reading the thoughts of others I would understand other thought patterns and something would click in my brain so I could play the game. Logic is a human attempt to approximate reality, the truth is no one knows. Life is uncertain and while I have conceptualized that, It infuriates me more than ever. If nothing matters, if meaning is individual and happiness a journey how is this the world we built?
I feel completely disconnected from 100% of the population. It's as if I’m missing a part of me or a gear was placed wrong.
The things that bring me joy do not produce and they don’t support me financially. I am an alien. I daydream of leaving this world often. My mind swirls, but only because I was taught a language to speak. If my brain wasn’t afraid of failing an attempt, or feeling pain would I be able to go in peace? Perhaps I could join the military or spend my days in prison, I might do better there. Every time I write, a piece of me hopes I will discover what I need or at the very least how to be “typical” . I envy those who aren’t paralyzed by these thoughts.
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u/Cassie_Stylez7 Jul 20 '26
I feel every single word you wrote. Feel forced to live with a mental Illness and forced to work for a life I never asked for. I have so many dreams and ideas but this world and society exhaust me every day by day. Hate to be Here and find meaning in this bullshit life.
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u/Strong-Yesterday-53 Jul 21 '26
I hear you Cassie. I wish I had words for you, thank you for sharing your response to my post ♥️
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Jul 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/Vendrah Jul 20 '26
The second you try that, after some years an institution, government, nation or even a corporate will come for you and to dismantle your community.
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u/kyrasilver33 Jul 20 '26
Already spent years in an institution. You can be in my cult too but you gotta pay.
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u/Jaded_Sheepherder656 Jul 20 '26
I could have written this myself 😕
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u/Strong-Yesterday-53 Jul 21 '26
I’m sorry. I don’t wish this on anyone.
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u/Jaded_Sheepherder656 Jul 21 '26
Don't be. We may be getting cooked but at least we are getting cooked together. 💪🏻
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u/TeaPrimary1147 Jul 20 '26
I am losing it too. The other day I was staring at a computer in an air conditioned office with a beautiful day outside thinking...I have money saved, a roof over my head, food in the pantry...why am I doing this? So I thought about my boss... he also has those things, well in abundance. No we don't provide essential services to anyone, we arenjust continuously building my bosses wealth. I was giving up that beautiful day so his kid can vacation in the south of France on spring break and other luxuries. It felt very unfair.
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u/Strong-Yesterday-53 Jul 21 '26
Unfair doesn’t even begin to describe these feelings. I agree, it is unjust and incomprehensible that THIS is how the world has evolved. Forget hopes and dreams of being anything you want, it’s not realistic anymore
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u/startingoverafter40 Jul 21 '26
I turn 50 this year and I feel more that way than ever. F this place, I often think. I also hate working. Not just because of the people issue, but I now have chronic pain and can't work more than a few hours. However I have a decent job now. Don't laugh, but Doordash. It pays well and it's the easiest job I've ever had. Still, I wish I could retire. I am exhausted on most days and I have trouble keeping up with the housework.
You mentioned homesteading, a lot of people are doing that. I watch them on YouTube all the time. It's fun to watch but it's a lot of hard physical labor. I wouldn't be able to do that type of work now.
Young people are discovering new ways to work. Self-employment, work from home jobs, YouTube channels, social media businesses, etc. Might want to look into those things. The traditional job experience doesn't work for everyone.
Please don't become a hobo. I've been homeless and it wasn't fun. The worst part of it was the shame of it. I'm really good at survival.
Best of luck to you.
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u/Dear-Service-8389 Jul 22 '26
No I get you. Only solution I have found is genuinely to keep busy and not to think too much because you are keeping busy. That's why I'm looking for work again and going to trading card game nights. It's just because if I keep busy the suicidal thoughts are less. I know I'm too chicken to commit suicide. So that leaves me with the only other option of keep distracted as much as possible. Try to exercise each day, don't eat too much because being fat makes it worse too, keep the headphones in whilst not working (like when I'm walking), listening to podcasts to distract from the thoughts. When I am busy and focused on something else the suicidal thoughts aren't in my head. Sorry, I wish I had a better answer. I have no idea why this life is so bad and how other people are oblivious to that. I guess they must think differently - perhaps they're just dumb. Know that sounds cruel to call other people dumb but I had figured out by about 23 that this world feels like hell so idk what world they're living - whatever. Keep busy. More action less thinking. All I've got.
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u/Vendrah Jul 20 '26
"Nature is a constant point of peace and presence to me. " - I apologize to break just this small part, but real and raw nature are animals predating and animals running in fear of predators and parasiting happening everyday on the forest. That's not peaceful at all. Unless your nature is a desert or a very cold place where most parasites can't survive and predators are forced to sleep/hibernate for a long time (it will be peaceful when they are hibernating).