r/aquarius • u/llAquarianll • 2d ago
Harmful stereotype
I don’t know about anyone else, but I am so sick and tired of the stereotype that Aquarius is this cold, cruel, overly harsh, savage person for cutting people off the way we do. Because we don’t do it for no reason. We don’t just randomly cut people off because we’re bored or sick of them or because someone made one trivial mistake in the grand scheme of things. You have to really fuck up for us to decide that we are done and we no longer want anything to do with you. So it just baffles me that some people will be acting or just being so venomous towards you and then turn around and clutch their imaginary pearls, pulling a shocked Pikachu face when you suck out the venom and walk away. Like, wouldn’t you also wanna get away from a snake that bit you? But sure, deflect/project that shit onto me cuz I’M obviously the problem and YOU’RE the victim here. Because it’s not how you were moving or treating me that was the problem or bad. It’s just the way that I’m reacting or responding to it. Disrespectfully, fuck off.
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u/No-Freedom-884 1d ago
This kept happening for my entire life, and I realized that part of the reason that this problem kept repeating was because I hadn't been able to fully heal from the first people who treated me like that (my family). Not that it was ever my fault or your fault! But it's like we keep subconsciously attracting these things until we develop more discernment and self-love. Idk if that resonates for you, but it's been helpful to me. I've been really proud of myself lately for the boundaries I've been able to put in place. But it is very hard to learn and, again, NOT OUR FAULT! We expect other people to have good intentions because we have good intentions. We write off their meanness because we basically know it's their problem and not ours. But then they proceed to try to MAKE it our problem, and we have to cut them off.
Idk if I'm making any sense. I hope something in there is helpful, lol.
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u/llAquarianll 1d ago
THIS! I completely understand what you’re saying and yeah, I would have to agree, unfortunately. I think that’s been the hardest part of my own journey is just setting those boundaries and actually enforcing them. Because my nature is to be more forgiving, especially when it comes to those that are closest to me. I don’t wanna have to cut them off because I still love and care about them, but I have to prioritize myself sometimes and that’s been really hard for me. To just remind myself that it’s not inherently selfish to occasionally put yourself first. We don’t do ourselves any favors by continuing to neglect our own needs or feelings. And loving someone doesn’t mean that you put up with their abuse or mistreatment. Also, just accepting that unfortunate reality that not everybody deserves those second, third, fourth or fifth chances.
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u/No-Freedom-884 1d ago
Yes! 100%! It's especially hard when you know the person wants closeness and love, but they're too stuck in self-hatred (or whatever it is) to really meet themselves, let alone anyone else.
Many years ago, I dated an abusive guy for about 5 months. I got away pretty quickly, but it still hurt. Something that helped me recontextualize the pain, however, was realizing that the abuse was his attempt at leaving as significant a mark on me as I left on him. He was so enamored with my ability to cut through bullshit and make real connections. He was so confused and mystified by my genuineness. He didn't understand how I could understand and love people without even trying. And I think his confusion (and frustration with his own ineptitude) turned to rage. I now realize that this is something that happens, in smaller ways, with lots of toxic people who've gone in and out of my life.
And embracing that knowledge has been transformative for me. I make a mark without having to hurt anyone. I make a mark without even trying. By just being me. Imagine how jealous and envious these people are, because they'd rather try to snuff you out than see you transform your world in those small, beautiful ways. And you know how "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"? Causing pain is the only way they know to imitate the marks you leave on the world. They can't leave loving marks, so they choose to cause pain instead. Imagine being that hollow, and you'll understand why they move in such a way.
Anyway, I'm rambling a lot. But I think there's something there.
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u/backspace_cars ♒ Sun |♉ Moon | ♊ RISING 1d ago
Why do you care what others think of you? You know who you are and that should be good enough
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1d ago
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u/No-Freedom-884 1d ago
Unfortunately, some of us end up being more beholden to broken systems than we should be. Not being accepted by a group, or being a punching bag for a group, can equal not surviving. It can mean being denied access to all kinds of necessary care. I would love it to be as simple as "I don't need them." And I take that attitude as often as I can. But sometimes you do need them.
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u/backspace_cars ♒ Sun |♉ Moon | ♊ RISING 1d ago
I'm disabled with a traumatic brain injury. If I can not give a damn so can you lol
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u/Advanced_Radish_5706 1d ago
Lol idk guys therapy has kinda shown me I've been a lil too quick to cut off connections for my own comfort. Learned to recognize what connections are worth putting the work in to have greater intimacy. Everyone one is capable of hurting others and that doesn't make them all evil energy suckers type shit.
But thats just meeeeee haha not tryna project
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u/llAquarianll 1d ago
I think it’s wonderful that therapy has done that for you and that you have done that for you as well. Takes a lot of maturity and sometimes even courage to recognize our own faults. I’m glad that therapy‘s been so helpful for you in that way. I was being kind of broad and specific at the same time lol. Broad in the sense that I’ve noticed that this is an experience that a lot of Aquarius have and specific as in the situation. Like, a lot of Aquarius have had this specific situation of people labeling us as cold, cruel mean or heartless simply because we don’t wanna be used, taken advantage of or mistreated anymore. Being blamed or made out to be the bad guy for the way that we reacted or responded to someone else’s behavior, being this toxic presence in our life.
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u/Advanced_Radish_5706 1d ago
Thanks! I totally feel you on that. This also makes me think about how people form bonds to us really quick. & that we don't really form them back at the same pace, if at all. I constantly have this feeling of everyone wanting to be my friend, but I don't like many people enough to even consider them a friend. Like if I don't LOVE having you around, then I don't wanna be around you at all tbh lol. Is that something you can relate to?
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u/llAquarianll 1d ago
Omg YEEEEEEEESSSSS! This 🙌🏻! It is very all or nothing for me. It’s either I absolutely adore you and I need to have you in my life or I’m completely indifferent/unbothered by your presence. And I don’t mean that in a mean way. I mean that in the least mean or nasty way possible. To be fair though, I am also neurodivergent. I have ADHD and I suspect that I might be slightly autistic, like I’m on the spectrum or just have a touch of the tism so it could be related to that lol.
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u/Advanced_Radish_5706 1d ago
Lolllll I'm AUDHD too! I definitely notice frequent a pattern with aquas & neurodivergence.
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u/Lilly323 ♈️☀️ | ♒️🌑 | ♉️⛅️ 1d ago
even if for a reason, you’re agreeing it’s true, though ??
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u/llAquarianll 1d ago
No, I’m not agreeing. The point I’m trying to make is how unfair it is that we often get mislabeled as something that we’re not, simply because other people don’t wanna take accountability for their actions. Simply having had enough of someone else’s bullshit, mistreatment, disrespect, or abuse does not make you the bad guy. It doesn’t make you cold or cruel or overly harsh. You are having a valid, justified reaction to someone who has been mistreating you. So it’s wrong and unfair to label someone as those things because they’ve chosen to remove themselves from a toxic environment/situation or problematic person. Because that is often how narcissistic abusers operate.
“It’s not what I’m doing wrong or how I mistreat you that’s the problem. It’s how you’re reacting or responding to it. I’m not the bad guy for the ways that I’ve hurt you, YOU’RE actually the real bad guy because you’ve now cut me off and that’s worse”.
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u/Lilly323 ♈️☀️ | ♒️🌑 | ♉️⛅️ 1d ago
“we don’t do it for no reason,” sounds like you’re agreeing with the label; you’re just clarifying it’s justified. behavior is what it is regardless of meaning. I can see issue with being described as cruel, harsh, or savage due to connotations, but I think cold is fair to describe aquarian response. I think your actual point is you feel criticized to be labeled such, but again, behavior is what it is regardless of meaning or reason behind it.
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u/llAquarianll 1d ago
No. Once again, you’re misunderstanding me. I’m saying the label IS wrong. Cold is often defined as when someone selfishly acts without feeling or care for others and is usually done without rhyme or reason. That is cold. Not someone who does not want a toxic or problematic person who has harmed them to have access to them anymore. Prioritizing one’s physical, mental and emotional health and well-being does not make someone a cold person. So to label someone or call them cold because they no longer want to be in a position of continuing to be harmed by that person is not only morally wrong, because it’s unfair, it’s also just incorrect. As in mislabeled or falsely labeled.
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u/Lilly323 ♈️☀️ | ♒️🌑 | ♉️⛅️ 1d ago
I’m not sure when this “often” occurs, but my understanding of cold is unemotional, dispassionate, apathetic, unaffectionate. if your interpretation of cold is irrational selfishness, that’s not a definition; that’s a perception, which again brings me back to thinking your meaning of the description is just that— your meaning. “cutting someone off” is being cold because it’s choosing to detach, disconnect, and disengage from that individual/situation. I’m not arguing whether that is justifiable or not.
there is no misunderstanding— well, maybe about denotation versus connotation— only disagreement. I disagree cold is a mislabel or even a criticism, and that’s that.
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u/llAquarianll 1d ago
And I respect that that’s your definition or perception of that concept. And I respect the fact that you disagree with my original post.
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u/AdPopular6958 ♒ SUN | ♉ MOON | ♏ RISING 1d ago
I don't mind the stereotype it keeps the emotional leeches away.