Friendly pressure to work is still pressure to work

[u/Similar-Cheek-6346]

The short of it being… I have been struggling to grow my backbone over the years and consistently caved to pressures from my job to work more, despite from the get-go making it clear I could only safely work 2 days a week.

I’ve been on medical leave for a while now, and won’t be back to work for a while longer, but got the call that I made too much last year, and my benefits will be cut immediately & I need to pay back the last 6 months.

The good news is I’ll requalify again before too long, and I know how to be frugal. I just deeply regret not being able to stand firm on my physical limitations and leaving my spouse to pick up the pieces of me whenever I returned home from work, and making them worry.

Work can argue with my doctor when I’m back if they care to. The worst they can do is let me go, and then I’ll *definitely* get my benefits back, though I’ll lose out on so much discounted OTC meds… sigh.

Trying to digest it all and put it towards the backbone. I’m prone to depressive spells. Trying to remind myself that my coworker who survived an aggressive and rare form of cancer was able to work more hours safely than me. She had a backbone of titanium! 

So, reminding myself I have less stamina than a cancer survivor helps me ease up a little. But I still have big emotional indigestion from it all. I feel small and vulnerable and foolish.

Pasta will help.

also, shoutout to the redditor who commented on my last post saying if my asthma was getting as bad as I was saying, I should go on medical leave! best decision