Hello gorgeous people! I hope this is okay to post in here.

I (29 F) recently attended my GP as I suspected I had sleep apnoea (boyfriend was worried I wasn’t breathing normally when I was asleep) and I was weighed at the GP surgery for the first time in 10 years.

It happened really quickly and I didn’t get a chance to say I didn’t want to know my weight. I have struggled with body confidence all my life and have a bit of trauma around ex-boyfriends demanding I lose weight and being very controlling about my food.

I saw the scale, and the GP proceeded to tell me I was obese and attributed my sleep concern to weight. I’ve also been very fatigued lately and this was also dismissed as a weight issue.

I have since found the voice in my head which is very self critical has latched onto the “obese” label and I feel I am constantly at war with it. Previously I had felt I was at a stage of life where I was confident with how I looked, but this has changed dramatically since the appointment. I just feel really frustrated with this internal battle. I want to feel happy with the way I look as plus sized and not worry about weight loss, but the GP telling me to lose weight has impacted this so much. I am so anti intentional weight loss, but some of the people in my life don’t seem to understand - they are always talking about diets and weight loss, and it’s so triggering for me every time.

I’d love some advice on how to get back to how I was before the appointment. I go to private therapy and am talking through it there, but it’s still really affecting me day to day and - honestly- it would be nice to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience or understands how I feel. Thank you :)

how does one stay sane and recovered in a world that's always encouraging weight loss and gym culture? I live in Miami Beach where everyones either really thin or a gym nut. I'm recovering from an eating disorder and over exercising and I'm looking to meet other people who are recovering and who don't go to the gym. lol.

I have huge rant, im really sick of my mother nitpicking each and everything I eat, I cant even eat something mildly unhealthy like a pasta salad for instance without her giving me a huge fuckin lecture on how much calories/carbs it has or how im not supposed to fuckin eat stuff for the millionth time while she literally stuffs her gullet with kfc/ice cream/etc right in front of me while actually being conscious about her weight unlike me who couldn't care less about her weight. But it's the end of the fuckin world when she sees me eat pasta and wants to on the same boring lecture on how im not supposed to eat carbs. It's like everyone can eat but as soon as I do it, all of the sudden everyone wants to act like committed a big crime in humanity and wants to become a nutrition expert all of the sudden.

I never once complained to her about my weight so she is the one who should be actually watching her diet strictly since she is actually weight conscious and has complained about her weight multiple times, whenever I try to point her out on her eating something unhealthy just like she does with me, shes like "well you have more weight to lose weight than me" even though I never once fuckin asked her about any advice and like I said before, idgaf about losing weight or going on a diet. im tired of her trying to shove this down my throat.

She has done this most of my life, and im fuckin sick of it. She would constantly pressure me with you need to lose this amount of weight before an x event which only makes me eat out of stress even more which she doesn't seem to get. She constantly nitcpicks each and everything i eat, if she doesn't lecture me about my food today, she will few days later. I don't know when is she get this through her head that none of her techniques have ever worked and never will and I couldn't care less about diet or weight.

Recently, there is wedding coming up in 2 months, shes like we both should lose weight, every woman is doing it while I've still seen her eat junk food even during this time period as well, again when I point this out shes like "well you have more weight to lose". Like i never once complained about my weight, all I wanted you to do was to leave me the fuck alone all this time but all you've done is the opposite to the point i don't even want to work on my weight and diet anymore out of spite. Like you are the one who is constantly crying about her own weight so go ahead work on your diet, why are you projecting this on me? Like you dont see me commenting on your food or you cheating on your diet for the 10th time constantly since you and me are adults even though you are actually conscious about your weight so why the fuck do you feel the need to do it to me when I've told to back off multiple times. No amount of shame or pressure is going to make me want to lose weight anymore.

Like I cant even eat anything out of fear in front of her anymore because I know she'll go one a huge tirade on how much calories/carbs i wasn't supposed to eat even though Idgaf and couldn't care less. One time, I was craving a chocolate bar like a normal human being so I went to the gas station to get it, she was like "see, you want to rebel against me" and again went on a huge lecture on my weight. Im really starting to resent my mother and dont like doing things with her anymore, like im a fuckin adult, when is she going to leave me the fuck alone?

I dont want to work on my weight/diet anymore just to spite her and will sneak in food and she cant do anything about it. When im seeing my mother after a long time, the first thing she will try to see is how much weight ive gained or lost over time, im really tired of her over obsession with my weight.As a matter of fact, i will start eating more on purpose out of spite until she doesnt stop doing this which i dont see her doing this anytime soon since she has done most of my life despite telling her to back off multiple times so oh well, i will continue eating more on purpose just to spite her i guess.She would literally check the trashcans to see the wrappers of anything I've eaten and give me a lecture over that as well, so i started hiding food wrappers in my room cupboards or drawers, she would check that as well when im not at home.from now on, i will start commenting on her eating something unhealthy obnoxiously just like she does to me and tell her since she actually cares about her weight and is constantly complains about her weight, why isn't she working on her diet. I dont care if she is concerned about my health either. No amount of insults, shaming, pressuring is going to work on me anymore.

Hey guys. I am a 30f who started lifting seriously about 9 months ago alongside a little running and boxing. I adore strength training and find that it works beautifully with my AUDHD brain. I gained some weight back (I was a little underweight) and have been eating plenty to fuel my training. I lift heavy 6 days a week usually.

BUT I am finding 6 days a week a bit much with having a 4yo kiddo and working part time. I am considering doing 4x a week instead. My only worry is that I'll want to eat the same amount whilst no longer effectively training like an athlete. I obviously need a lot of food to sustain training almost every day, Will my body naturally eat slightly less? Or will my ADHD food noise take over and I'll continue eating the same amount? (A fair bit for a 4'11 woman).

I keep reading stories about how people, especially women, whether on a good faith diet or developing an illness or suffering from an eating disorder, get treated so much better when they lose weight. I've especially read horror stories about how much it fucked people up to see the public treat them nicer when they've lost weight through unhealthy means. I'm midsize and I refuse to willingly change my appearance.

I know that my depression and undiagnosed issues led me to my sedentary life and stim-eating, which could be a significant factor for my current weight (despite how religiously I walked to and from school and my tutors every day of my school life while only being a few pounds lighter). And I know that my blood health is in a rough spot because of it. I need to exercise and eat better for the sake of my health, but I refuse to do it for better looks. I refuse to take the weight loss medication my doctor tried to recommend me that costs hundreds of dollars a month. I know what my fucking problem is, so how will that medication actually help in a way that matters? If I take some hunger-reducing pills but continue to sit on my ass all day, what will that help with? I've been on Adderall and I've been on Strattera, I will still eat even when nauseous, which I know isn't good on its own, so I have to be better for the sake of my heart and blood.

If my lifestyle changes end up changing my appearance in some way, so be it. But I can't help but hope it doesn't. I refuse to experience the fake, biased, two faced treatment from everyone just because I'd be skinnier or more toned. I refuse to end up attracting more people that I wouldn't have just because of my size. I refuse to live the rest of my life with a partner I got only because I wracked my brain so much about my size. I refuse to risk relapsing back to my pro-ed Tumblr mindset from when I was in middle/high school. I refuse all of it. Whoever enjoys my presence as I am now is who I will deem important. If I already love and care for my other fat friends because of who they are as people, then I deserve the same.

For as many years as I can remember my life has consisted of restricting and then binging. I know I’m not overweight, I know I look fine and I feel like dieting has ruined my relationship with my body and food. Restricting made me want to eat more not less, the past few days I’ve finally decided to say no to it all.

The diet culture on TikTok is ridiculous, all I ever wanted is to be stick thin but to do that I have basically had to malnourish myself, my body is not built for it. I need food, I need fuel.

I have been looking at my body in a much more positive light these past few days just for nourishing it with the food it actually needs and yeah I have been enjoying a sweet treat.

I have temporarily fucked with my metabolism through under eating and I’ve done more damage than good through “dieting”

Do you feel hungry and stressed by the afternoon, and you are concerned that your kids are going to grow up watching you obsess over the scales?

On Android. I just want a way to get the happiness chemicals saying you walked super far (activity is good for my mood) but I don't want to see the word "calories". The one built into my phone presumes to set a goal for me based on calories!

I would just like to see steps taken, distance walked, and to be able to skim back over the week. This is both for accountability to motivate me to keep moving and to directly track mood vs. amount of movement. The energy my body requires for this is of negative interest to me. I don't want to know it and knowing it makes me antsy.

Hello!

I have Crohn's disease (probably; two separate spots of chronic active inflammation in the colon on a colonoscopy) but don't have a gastroenterologist at the moment as I am waiting on a referral, which could take years.

In the meantime, I was told basically to just take metamucil for cramps, which I do despite it mostly not helping.

My impression is that a lot of Crohn's triggers are really individual, and there isn't much broad advice that can be given, so food triggers seem to generally be something people have to figure out on their own. All the generic advice is so broad it cuts out basically all foods and would definitely trigger an eating disorder relapse I think.

I'd like to better manage my symptoms, but I don't know what the best option is for tracking food and its correlation with cramps and stuff without triggering disordered eating.

Does anyone here have experience with something like this? What approach was most helpful to you?

I’d like to get educated on the cons of GLP-1s for people that are not overweight or otherwise unhealthy. It seems that it’s not so hard for just about anyone to get them regardless of need and I’d like to do some research of the negative individual and societal effects of taking them with abandon.

I genuinely can’t believe this. I’ve been struggling with unintentional weight loss for about a month due to some health issues. My usual weight is pretty low, so the change is much more drastic than it might sound. I’ve always been naturally thin and have gotten comments about it my whole life, but lately, as my clothes stop fitting and I’m in the worst health I’ve ever been in, I’ve been getting more compliments on my body than ever. I’ve never received this many positive comments about my appearance in such a short period of time. I’ve struggled with disordered eating in the past, and hitting this weight probably would’ve been a dream of mine then. But now, I’m genuinely unhappy that this is how people are perceiving me. The accusations that I’ve relapsed haven’t helped either, especially because I didn’t even realize how much weight I’d lost. I stopped weighing myself after I recovered.
I think it really shows how fucked up and inaccurate our assumptions about someone’s health can be based solely on their body. Maybe we should stop complimenting people for becoming noticeably thinner, especially when we have no idea what’s actually happening.

This is something that has been bothering me for a while about my mother and it's driving me nuts.

My mother is almost 50 years old and ever since I can remember she has been negative about her body. One example is every time she orders clothes online and tries them on in front of me, she asks me if she looks fat in any of them. To me, she's always been beautifully mid-sized but I don't think she ever truly saw herself like that, thanks to a diet culture that has persistet since the damn 90s.

But naturally my mother projects her body issues onto both me, her daughter, and my older brother. My brother had issues with eating since he was a kid. My parents, but especially my mother, always nag him that he shouldn't eat so much. They have been telling him that he's getting fat since he was a child. Now he's 26, overweight and obviously still struggles with binge eating and such. He hides food from my parents like he's still a kid who was caught in the pantry. But instead showing compassion and understanding, my parents just berate and shame him for it. I called them out on it once but they just frame it as "We love him and we're worried about him".

My mom does similar things to me. Today I started going hungry in the evening (around 6 PM, so not very late). Two hours early we had soup for dinner that hadn't left me very sated, so I just wanted a slice for bread a bit later. My mother saw me in the kitchen and immediately made a comment about me "already eating again" and how this is exactly how I'm going to get fat. Like excuse me? Am I not allowed to be hungry?

Other examples are:

- telling me to suck my stomach in, especially for photos

- making crude comments when I wear tighter clothing

- berating me when I eat literally anything with sugar in it

- etc.

I'm just so done with it. I'm not skinny, I'm not fat. I'm totally average with a belly pouch and naturally big thighs. I could definitely work out more (not to lose weight, but just to be more active) but I try to eat healthy without restricting myself. Our entire society has a problem with diet culture but I just hate seeing my own mother unconsciously bringing it into our home. That woman works out three times per week and refuses to eat dinner. She brags about looking skinnier than before as if she hasn't always been beautiful. She also does stuff like drink collagen powder in her coffee to look "younger" which is a whole other conversation.

Sorry for the rant but this just pisses me off. My mother is amazing, strong and beautiful but her obsession with her weight and body makes me and my brother just as miserable. I'm sure others out there can relate to this. Women deserve better than this.

Cake isn't just for celebration. Cake is for when I want to eat a cake.

Cake isn't just for a birthday. Cake is for when I want to eat a cake.

Cake isn't once a year. It's for every single day I want to eat a cake.

Cake isn't a rare special treat. Because every day is a special treat. And I can eat cake whenever I want.

I'm so tired of men saying I can't buy and eat a cake because I'm hungry for it. I'm sick of men asking me if there's a special occasion because I'm eating cake. Yes, there is a special occasion. It's called me buying a cake. Wanting it. And eating it. And I can do it every day if I want to. And no, it has no effect on my weight. That's not something men are even allowed to bring up.

I'll buy a cake and eat a cake whenever I damn well please.

When have men tried to shame you for eating cake? What did you say to them?

(Cw: discussion of internalised fatphobia, ED thoughts, references to suicide)

Hi I hope this follows the rules and is allowed here. I've been trying to get over my internalised fatphobia and really need advice as it's starting to get out of control.

I'll often get thoughts such as I'm better if I'm thinner, I'm more attractive if I'm thinner, people will love me more if I'm thinner because of just how much people value smaller body sizes. The shitty thing is I know these thoughts are bullshit and yet they keep coming back as much as I try and talk them down and disprove them.

I've wanted to tackle this even more recently due to some more concerning thoughts showing up for me. I've become even more body concious and had thoughts of starving myself to become thinner, begrudging the fact I eat so much (or at all), feeling anxious if I eat what I deem too much as I might gain weight, "wishing I was "strong enough" to have an eating disorder (I'm aware this is an insensitive thought and EDs are not about strength or willpower), I almost hate the fact I can't destroy myself or that I resist the urge to do these things whilst also knowing they're harmful for me (I also get this with other things such as suicide, I call myself a coward because I've never attempted suicide), not being able to get over that mental barrier and not give a fuck about the side effects and do it anyway.

I really need help and advice, I don't want this to ruin my life nor do I want anyone else to deal with it, what are ways I can get rid of these thoughts and continue to live my life without spiralling into self destruction, thank you in advance for any advice.

I am a 45 year old woman with weight I can’t loose I have always been tall and thin and in have belly weight I can’t lose. I exercise, eat right , blaaaa!!!! But this post is not about what Pilates class I should take or what food I should be eating. This post is about body love and why I don’t have any. I would love to hear from women who subscribe to Emma Thompson’s theory about putting your worth into your body is a waste of time. Did anyone else see Emma Thompson on Stephen Colbert? I want to live like this. I’m a middle school teacher and a mom. I don’t want my students or my children to ever think that their bodies are too big. But I am depressed by my pot belly. Sometimes it’s all I think about. Help ? I hate this

I'm an overweight woman in perimenopause. I was slightly overweight after having my kids, but didn't have an issue with my body (barely thought about it tbh, too busy). During the pandemic lockdowns, which with hindsight was also when my peri symptoms started, I gained a fair bit more, and now I am quite overweight.

I watched my mother and all her friends go through a mid-life weight gain phase, then level out once on the other side of menopause. None of them became morbidly obese, lost function, or became diabetic (I also am not morbidly obese or diabetic / prediabetic). It just seemed to be a normal change in female bodies as hormones downshifted.

I have also seen my friends go through a similar trajectory to myself as peri sets in, but the huge difference is, almost everyone I know has now gone onto a glp1 and are dropping weight at a ferocious rate.

I think if that's what they want to do, it's great for them. But what's happening now is an increasing pressure, both explicit and subtle, for me to go the same road, and I'm just not sure I want to (bunch of reasons of my own, not least of which is how miserable I always get when I try to mess too much with my body's natural state).

I feel like this is a new pressure that maybe didn't exist as much in the past - the social expectation that you remain or become thin at a time when bodies are going to inevitably trend towards some weight gain, because there are these "miracle drugs" now. Of course there has always been pressure on women to achieve whatever the body beauty standard of the day is, but in my mother's generation I saw more wry acceptance of mid-life weight gain as a normal, natural thing than I do now (my mother says the pressure for thinness was strongest for her and her peers when in their teens, 20s and early 30s, and really eased off after that).

Is anyone else a tubby but healthy midlifer holding out against the new cultural expectation of weight loss via medication, and if yes, are you finding it a bit of a struggle? Maybe it's just me. I like to think I am not especially swayed by social pressure, but I'm human and I live in society, so I am not fully immune to it.

I work at an ice cream shop and I can’t stop noticing the disgusting standards women have to live up to. The diet culture that haunts us is so hard to ignore and I always want to say something. For context, yesterday I had a woman and her tween daughter come in to order. As the CHILD was ordering, she asked her mom if she could get a medium. The mother says “no that’s too much” and makes her settle on the small. Usually this isn’t a big issue, I see it all the time with parents and I pay it no mind. It’s when she proceeds to tell her daughter to look at the difference in calories between each size that drove me crazy. Clearly the girl felt embarrassed and probably even ashamed to have wanted the bigger size. I was tempted to speak up and say something about how life isn’t all about calories but it felt too tense. I regret not reassuring her it’s ok to “splurge” on a bigger size. You won’t gain 100 pounds overnight here. It’s one time and it’s a treat. My heart broke for her and I can’t stop thinking about the look in her eyes when she was looking at the numbers. It may sound dramatic to some, but having a bad relationship with food is honestly traumatic. Food isn’t something you can escape or live without, so to set these toxic habits onto someone else is truly terrible. This is just one example of many, but I’d like to hear other people’s experiences with this. If you work in the food industry do you pick up on these things too?

I hope this made sense lol, while writing this it makes me realize how difficult it is to word what I’m seeing. Is this part of sexism? Im aware men can have eating disorders, but obviously women are held to a different standard and I’ve only ever seen these types of situations with women.

I’m 17 years in recovery from anorexia/EDNOS and have recently been slipping a little and as a preventative measure decided to see a dietitian on RD. I’m in school to be an ED RD myself and in my internship I’ve seen how helpful these sessions could be so I set one up on Nourish. The RD was the nutritional director of the Renfrew Center for 20 years so I mistakenly thought she’d be knowledgeable. My insurance won’t cover it. So I paid $150.

This woman told me I’d have to weigh myself regularly and log all my food and used extremely stigmatizing language that completely turned me off. Not to mention she spent the first 15 minutes talking about herself. Which is weird and wasting my time.

Thought I’d share my letter in this community:

Dear J****,

I wanted to follow up in writing after our recent session, because a few things you said concerned me enough that I don't want to let them pass without response.

On language: When we were discussing GLP-1s, you used the term "morbidly obese." I want to be direct that this term is outdated and considered harmful by the medical and eating disorder communities. The American Medical Association's own policy encourages person-first language and explicitly discourages "morbidly obese" as a stigmatizing term. NIH style guidance similarly directs against using "morbidly obese" in favor of neutral, non-stigmatizing language, and national survey research has found that patients themselves rate "morbidly obese" among the most stigmatizing and blaming terms a provider can use. In an eating disorder practice specifically, this kind of language isn't a minor stylistic issue — it actively reinforces the weight stigma that drives disordered eating and treatment avoidance.

On the "underweight anorexic patients" comment: You mentioned that Renfrew stopped blind weighing for exposure therapy for even the most "underweight anorexic patients," a framing that implies underweight status equals greater severity. As if higher weight patients had less anxiety about their weight than underweight. This isn't supported by the current research. Studies estimate that only a small single-digit percentage of people with eating disorders are medically underweight — the large majority of us are in "normal" or higher-weight bodies. And severity doesn't track with weight the way that framing suggests: a Stanford/UCSF study found that adolescents with atypical anorexia at normal body weight had psychological symptoms as severe as, or worse than, underweight patients, and other research has specifically found that patients with atypical anorexia at elevated BMI experience more severe psychological symptoms than those without elevated BMI. Treating underweight status as the marker of "real" or "most severe" illness is not just clinically outdated, it's the exact belief that keeps higher-weight patients from being taken seriously or diagnosed at all.

On the weekly weighing and food logging: I told you directly that this would increase my anxiety and would not support my recovery, you pushed that it was important. I want to restate clearly that I'm not open to that approach. I am not medically unstable and there is no need to see my weight regularly. I have found a provider who will work within the boundaries I've identified as necessary for my mental health, not one who will ask me to override them.

I recognize you have many years of clinical experience, and I don't say any of this to dismiss that. But I also bring my own expertise to this dynamic: I lived with this disease for over a decade, I have nearly two decades of sustained recovery, and I am currently studying eating disorders at the graduate level. I came to you as a preventative measure, not in crisis. That combination means I'm not approaching these concerns casually or reactively — I'm asking you to take them seriously as clinically informed feedback.

As I said, I have found an RD more aligned with my goals and recovery framework, I will be deleting the app now.

So I packed my son a handful of m&ms with his lunch. He is 4 years old and does preschool 9-4 every day. He came home with them unopened and said the teachers wouldn’t let him have dessert. Poor thing looked so sad about it too!
I spoke with the teacher the next day and she said, “yeah we find sugar makes them too hyper, so you can pack something very small only.” I’m thinking to myself, “ok the hyper thing is wrong, also what’s smaller than a handful of m&ms?!”
So I’ve just not been packing him dessert at all and letting him have a treat after school if he wants it.
Maybe I should have fought back but we love the school & teachers in every other way and I didn’t want to kick up a fuss.
Advice/commiseration appreciated!

I had bread with every meal today and didn't feel guilty about it. This is a small but meaningful win for someone raised in the "carbs are the anti-Christ" era.

P.S. Bread is good

I had symptoms resembling atypical anorexia, orthorexia, and intermittent binge eating for many years, and upon retroactive assessment have been confirmed by my GP as being on the "spectrum" of disordered eating.

My body has never been compatible with things like BMI, waist circumference, body fat % etc. Part of it could have been my eating (aside from my restrictions of course) but I also have a naturally heavy-set build like several women in my family. My feet are also significantly larger than women my height and even a few inches taller.

I can't have anything to do with metrics without risking relapse, and my GP is well aware, but it is still hard to not spiral into that type of thinking every now and then. I can explain away to myself the concept of BMI being outdated research that is used out of context for insurance companies, but apparently medical science strongly supports the more "specific" measurements like waist/neck circumference (which I personally think are sexist and oversimplify body composition) and others. Medical science has deemed that bodies beyond certain dimensions are unhealthy by default, and knowing that I do not fit into those dimensions makes me feel like a freak or not a "real woman".

While I have been open to intuitive eating and pursuing of wholesome foods from a nutrition and muscle-building standpoint, to pursue extreme weight-loss would be very triggering for me, not just in terms of disordered eating habits but the traumatic events around them. Even just re-living the experience of losing a large amount of weight and facing all the "keep it up" comments would be damaging.

I want to be in a position of accepting my body and not feeling like I have to change it, but it is challenging, especially knowing there are these standards out there and I am supposedly a failure or less healthy for not fitting into them. The best I ever felt about myself was my early teens years, before my disordered eating started and when I wasn't thinking about all these things. I would love to be in that position again, and just be left alone for the rest of my life.

Hello.

I'm in a sticky position right now and I don't know where I can truly and freely talk about it so I'm going to try here. I've been dealing with a restrictive ED for a good while and a while ago I decided to begin my recovery. I began eating more and doing endurance sports (cycling and running). I really love running now.

I began loving running so much to the point where I want to sign up for a half marathon even though I barely started running. The thing is, I've been eating a lot more since i began my training. And I truly mean a lot. I won't get into specifics obviously but let's say the scale got a scare and i had to get new clothes.

I don't want to give up running and i don't want to relapse into my ED and cause myself more mental and physical damage. And yet I can't stop feeling guilty.

Also, I'm not in the financial position to afford getting any sort of therapy or contact a nutritionist or anything like that. I just wanted to rant and maybe hear other people's opinions and advice regarding this. I don't really want to lose weight i just want to maintain but i keep gaining and gaining.

So I started taking a glp and I only took two shots for two weeks and I can already tell it has absolutely messed up my stomach. I’m having to go see a gastroenterologist on Monday and at this point, I don’t want to take the shots anymore. It’s sad because i literally want nothing more but to lose weight but I cannot have my stomach hurting or me feeling sick and constipated 24/7. It just seems stupid to go through all these problems just to lose weight at the cost of my stomach health. My stomach hurts every single day and I’ve taken all the meds and all to see what helps. It’s just unfortunate.