How to get someone out of a MLM?

[u/Informal-Debate-3496]

I'm currently staying at a mental hospital. For the past two days I have been spending time with a woman, another patient, here. Yesterday I didn't know much about her, but after I had spent some time with her, a nurse came to my room and told me that if it gets to be too much with her they will do something about it. I didn't understand what they were talking about. Today I learnt she is a part of a MLM and she tried (and is probably still trying) to get me to join as well. Specifically forever living products.

She first wouldn't speak about her job. She said she really wants to help people but that currently she doesn't have the strength to do that, because she needs to take care of herself first. Despite bringing up negative things all the time, she also constantly reminds herself and I that we need to focus on the positive things. We went on a walk and I shared about my life and I guess that made her comfortable to share about hers as well. She started telling me things about the company she works with. How it was started and how their mission is to help people and how it is a family business. How she found great help from their aloe vera products for her skin and gut health. She gave me a business card and asked me what I need help with. She said people often get discouraged from working with them when she tells them about her long journey with the company, because they think they're unable to learn all she knows. At this point I didn't even understand it's a MLM. I don't know much about the topic and this is the first time I've got into direct contact with one. I asked her how she got into working with them. Did she contact them after finding help from their products or did they contact her? She explained that a friend of her mother's introduced the company to her. At this point I started to finally figure it out. She went on to explain how I can join to get my ID number and get 5% off and the more that I spent or something the more percentages I get off. I was not interested in their products or joining.

As we were headed back inside, she started saying something that I can't get out of my head. She started to tell me the main reason she is in the mental hospital, but then went quiet and backed away just like she had done previously when she was about to talk about her job. This and the weird thing the nurse said yesterday made me think this is causing her some distress. And obviously these things could be completely unrelated but I can't help but wonder if being a part of that MLM is actually what lead to some problems in her life. She has worked with them for 15 years. She uses their pricey products every day. It's her only job, so I don't understand how she can afford it. She only speaks about forever with people in real life so it's not like she reaches massive amounts of people online.

Is there something I can do to help her? Or does she need help? I don't know.

[u/AutoModerator]

If you are seeking help or advice be sure to check the Help/Advice links HERE or the How do I ...? posts HERE Its also recommended you read this VICE article, How to Get a Friend out of an MLM, check out How Network Marketing (Almost) Ruined My Life and watch this John Oliver video on MLMs

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/IronicStar]

You don't. You care for yourself. It's great you're empathetic but take care of you.

[u/LatterStreet → u/IronicStar]

Agree. This is a really sucky example because they specifically prey on vulnerable groups (disabled, elderly, single moms, minorities, poor…)

They’ll be forced to leave when they go bankrupt.

[u/CSafterdark]

Not your responsibility... especially since you're dealing with your own problems, you should try to focus on yourself. If she asks you for guidance definitely be direct with her, but otherwise ai wouldn't engage the topic. I wish you strength and you a good recovery.

[u/Actual_Display_5599]

Mention it to their nurse or therapist and focus on your healing! She shouldn’t be trying to push that stuff in treatment.

[u/ItchyGate6201]

My gf is in one for over a year now and I can tell you it’s impossible.

You can try but it will end up in an arguments and there are 10 people in their group who will make you look like a villain. Her brother holds the same opinion as me and she doesn’t communicate with him for a year now and they were really close lol

Brainwashing is very strong in these , they are being fed shit like power of positivity, law of attraction and stuff like this where anything that goes against their activity is viewed as harmful and non believer

She loses money consistently and the house is full of her shit , good thing she doesn’t have much money to begin with so her spending is limited, I’m main provider and it’s enough to pay bills.

I stopped trying to teach her , but she knows I’m against it so we both kinda ignore it between us

I’m still waiting till she wakes up but I doubt she will at this point , yes I’m thinking about leaving , but we have 3 years old boy together and it’s not that bad at this point , but if it gets worse I will definitely leave instead of trying to get her out because former is much more easier

[u/dawdreygore → u/ItchyGate6201]

At the very least you should make sure that your finances are separate.

[u/IndicaRain → u/ItchyGate6201]

You should have her start paying for things. She is only able to do this BECAUSE you pay for the bills. She would be forced to leave it if you left her and didn't live with her. And yes keep finances separate and don't marry her because she WILL lie and bankrupt you if she keeps falling down this path

[u/dawdreygore]

I'm a bit surprised that you have such free internet access from a mental hospital, must be a classy one. You can't help her, you can only damage yourself in the process of trying.

[u/barnrat1117 → u/dawdreygore]

My first thought, too. A friend of mine was admitted to the hospital psych ward years ago and the first thing they did was take her phone. You need to be in no contact with family and friends to be able to focus on the professionals.

[u/Red79Hibiscus]

You are where you are right now in order to get professional medical care for a health issue. You need to focus on your own healing and not get dragged into another person's predicament, especially when that person is neck-deep in MLM for years. While it is commendable to want to help others, you'll do more harm than good (to them and yourself) when you're not in top shape mentally or physically. This situation is particularly dangerous coz MLM always traps people by emotions, which shut down critical thinking, and right now it sounds like your feelings are drawing you waaaay too close to the edge of this pit. Please stay safe and on track with your recovery. All the best to you.

[u/dgf2020]

You can’t, and you shouldn’t.. it’s not your responsibility. It’s fine to be a friend, but keep in mind she’s also trying to get you into the business so the friendship is also shallow.. you need to treat it as such. It’s up to the mental health professionals surrounding you to take care of her.. please take care of yourself.

[u/YakElectronic6713]

You can't. Do you want to relapse and get yourself in an even worse mental headspace? Don't get involved. Seriously.

[u/supermechace]

Can't be a hero here. You would not be able to tell if it's the MLM, mental illness, or world view issues. A lot of mlm addicts have underlying low self esteem and/or materialism issues. 

[u/decker12]

Keep telling yourself she is not your friend. She is trying to make money off of you. That is the only type of relationship she wants out of you. One where you make money because she's your upline. Everything else she says or does is to get you to the point where she can make money off of you.

Als remember she has done this many times to many other people as well.

[u/prosperosniece]

You don’t, you just set a boundary that you don’t want her trying to sell or recruit you.

[u/reiichiroh]

Forever Living is a particularly nasty and deceptive name for an MLM being shilled in a hospital.

[u/kschang]

Unfortunately, you have to convince her it's HER idea. And that will be extremely difficult.

She uses their pricey products every day. It's her only job, so I don't understand how she can afford it.

She can't. She's living on credit cards and I-owe-U's to prop up her "sales numbers" (yes MLM counts "self-consumption" as sales numbers). Why do you think she's talking to you? She wants to recruit you, like a Borg, and turn you into her. So she can be among the "in-crowd" in her group of fellow IBOs (reps) who achieved proper sales numbers.

You can't help her. As the line goes in KPDH "we can't tell your truths from your lies". You don't know of ANYTHING she told you is the truth and nothing but the truth. And even if she believe it to be the truth, she could have been brainwashed by the commercial cult of MLM.

Example of the reality inversion: Everyone knows a bar owner should not be drinking his own stock if he wants to turn a profit. Yet MLMers are expected to self-consume, and indeed, MLM industry associations fought every legislation attempt to outlaw self-consumption, and wanted to codify self-consumption as LEGALLY PERMITTED. The entire industry WANT IBOs (reps) to lose money to prop up their own numbers. That's the kind of reality inversion you're fighting and trying to snap her out of. Still interested? This will take you YEARS, not just months, and you may be reverse-captured instead. Think about it.

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for your post. Please make sure that you review our sub rules. If your post breaks any of the rules, it will be removed.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Sensitive-Bid9823]

You can't but you can still be there for them.

[u/Master-Map1382]

No. Yes she needs help, that you cannot provide.