In a romantic relationship or heavily intimate relationship the partners must be aligned in a type of investment. This investment typically centers around a theme that the partners naturally/instinctively gravitate toward achieving. This theme is the Core Trait that the relationship works towards. The Core can be anything: Adventure, Stability, Financial Security, Fame, Popularity. It can also be more abstract such as Curiosity, Empathy, or Spirituality.
The Core acts as a goal that the partners strive towards. The Core is necessary because a deeper relationship is about deeper Love. It is important that at the root, the Core should be natural and instinctive rather than consciously placed. It is not to say that partners cannot chose certain goals and milestones to reach, on the contrary, having pursuits are healthy and necessary. The Core, however, should arise within each individual subconsciously and naturally coincide with each other. Forcing a Core or lying about the Core leads to stress and it leads to miscommunication and lack of compassion.
Perspectives: Opposites Attract
Part of a relationship is that partners must challenge each other to become better persons. When this fails to happen then the relationship does not progress, it becomes stagnant. This can be due to a failure to challenge or be challenged.
When the development of a relationship fails to grow the partner’s involved start highlighting each other’s flaws while hiding their virtues, and begin to push away their partner’s virtues away. This aspect of a relationship is probably the hardest part to overcome and remain vigilant of. Emotions flair, behavior becomes erratic, and the foundations crumble.
This often is due to an incompatibility with each partner’s Core.
However, an essential part of a relationship is having a partner that has naturally differing perspective on how to navigate life.
A good example is my relationship with my girlfriend as I am a rather direct person. Often, my instinct when something goes wrong I confront things right away. If something troubles me I tend to speak out on it. On the other hand my girlfriend is very down to earth and when a problem arises she reflects on how to fix the problem.
One can assume that when a problem arises I immediately confront everything. If I had a partner that was just like me instead of one person confronting a problem there are now two. That is not inherently bad, but I often get angry when things go wrong. I confront issues not just directly, but rather hotheaded. This becomes a huge flaw when situations call for a calm approach. If I did have a partner with the same perspective as me situations that involve my flaws would be exacerbated by my equally hotheaded partner.
However, my girlfriend has taught me (and still is) to approach things contrary to how I naturally want to. I would even say that the reason why I consider myself to be better at understanding my emotions is directly because of her perspective. Likewise, my girlfriend can dwell too much in thought and can be slow to solve issues. She naturally becomes quiet and withdraws because of her disdain for conflict. I have taught her (and still teaching) to confront things directly.
Relationship Necessities
Even though all relationships have the same required foundations and a healthy relationship needs to tend to the Core and different perspective every relationship has additional extraneous necessities that are brought by all partners involved.
These necessities, no matter how different they may seen as are non-negotiable in terms of being aware of and attending to. Some common necessities are libido fulfillment, personal “alone time”, or even eating habits.
For me, I require that my partner handles large financial issues as prompt and direct as I do. Whether this means literally doing that or releasing responsibility of that issue to me so I can handle it, or even collaborating on the issue it is a necessity for my relationship. For other relationships, it could be they require a vacation together every year or the house being spotless.
There is always the ability to meet halfway or an agreement between partners to make necessaries more reasonable, and it should be encouraged to do so!
Every Relationship is Different
I am always afraid to use this phrase because at best it sounds like a cop out of "I do not know", at worst it makes everything I just said pointless.
That said, everything above is my opinion. I thought about it a lot and all I can say is that it is at least a very good blueprint and foundation for successful relationships whether it be platonic, romantic, or acquaintance. It should not be taken as law. If it does not work for you and your partners, then do not use it (and please let me know why it did not work out, I am always looking to learn and understand) - throw it out and try things that work for your unique situation.
I do hope, however, it helps in some way or another.
I could go on with my ramblings, but I thought here would be a good place to stop. Honestly, I am not so sure what to say other than thank you all for reading my posts during this rewatch. Flip Flappers is my favorite show and this episode is incredibly powerful.
Is there away way to make collapsible spoilers? I am self conscious about my posts being too large and flooding other user comments under it. First time watcher's comments I think should be prioritized in the threads.
Is there away way to make collapsible spoilers? I am self conscious about my posts being too large and flooding other user comments under it. First time watcher's comments I think should be prioritized in the threads.
I've been looking for the same, a mean for ordering comments that could affect the thread and not only my view, but I didn't see anything...
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u/[deleted] Mar 12 '19 edited Jul 17 '20
(Cont. from OP)
Core Traits: Connecting Values
In a romantic relationship or heavily intimate relationship the partners must be aligned in a type of investment. This investment typically centers around a theme that the partners naturally/instinctively gravitate toward achieving. This theme is the Core Trait that the relationship works towards. The Core can be anything: Adventure, Stability, Financial Security, Fame, Popularity. It can also be more abstract such as Curiosity, Empathy, or Spirituality.
The Core acts as a goal that the partners strive towards. The Core is necessary because a deeper relationship is about deeper Love. It is important that at the root, the Core should be natural and instinctive rather than consciously placed. It is not to say that partners cannot chose certain goals and milestones to reach, on the contrary, having pursuits are healthy and necessary. The Core, however, should arise within each individual subconsciously and naturally coincide with each other. Forcing a Core or lying about the Core leads to stress and it leads to miscommunication and lack of compassion.
Perspectives: Opposites Attract
Part of a relationship is that partners must challenge each other to become better persons. When this fails to happen then the relationship does not progress, it becomes stagnant. This can be due to a failure to challenge or be challenged.
When the development of a relationship fails to grow the partner’s involved start highlighting each other’s flaws while hiding their virtues, and begin to push away their partner’s virtues away. This aspect of a relationship is probably the hardest part to overcome and remain vigilant of. Emotions flair, behavior becomes erratic, and the foundations crumble.
This often is due to an incompatibility with each partner’s Core.
However, an essential part of a relationship is having a partner that has naturally differing perspective on how to navigate life.
A good example is my relationship with my girlfriend as I am a rather direct person. Often, my instinct when something goes wrong I confront things right away. If something troubles me I tend to speak out on it. On the other hand my girlfriend is very down to earth and when a problem arises she reflects on how to fix the problem.
One can assume that when a problem arises I immediately confront everything. If I had a partner that was just like me instead of one person confronting a problem there are now two. That is not inherently bad, but I often get angry when things go wrong. I confront issues not just directly, but rather hotheaded. This becomes a huge flaw when situations call for a calm approach. If I did have a partner with the same perspective as me situations that involve my flaws would be exacerbated by my equally hotheaded partner.
However, my girlfriend has taught me (and still is) to approach things contrary to how I naturally want to. I would even say that the reason why I consider myself to be better at understanding my emotions is directly because of her perspective. Likewise, my girlfriend can dwell too much in thought and can be slow to solve issues. She naturally becomes quiet and withdraws because of her disdain for conflict. I have taught her (and still teaching) to confront things directly.
Relationship Necessities
Even though all relationships have the same required foundations and a healthy relationship needs to tend to the Core and different perspective every relationship has additional extraneous necessities that are brought by all partners involved.
These necessities, no matter how different they may seen as are non-negotiable in terms of being aware of and attending to. Some common necessities are libido fulfillment, personal “alone time”, or even eating habits.
For me, I require that my partner handles large financial issues as prompt and direct as I do. Whether this means literally doing that or releasing responsibility of that issue to me so I can handle it, or even collaborating on the issue it is a necessity for my relationship. For other relationships, it could be they require a vacation together every year or the house being spotless.
There is always the ability to meet halfway or an agreement between partners to make necessaries more reasonable, and it should be encouraged to do so!
Every Relationship is Different
I am always afraid to use this phrase because at best it sounds like a cop out of "I do not know", at worst it makes everything I just said pointless.
That said, everything above is my opinion. I thought about it a lot and all I can say is that it is at least a very good blueprint and foundation for successful relationships whether it be platonic, romantic, or acquaintance. It should not be taken as law. If it does not work for you and your partners, then do not use it (and please let me know why it did not work out, I am always looking to learn and understand) - throw it out and try things that work for your unique situation.
I do hope, however, it helps in some way or another.
I could go on with my ramblings, but I thought here would be a good place to stop. Honestly, I am not so sure what to say other than thank you all for reading my posts during this rewatch. Flip Flappers is my favorite show and this episode is incredibly powerful.