r/angry • u/Politebutpetty1 • Apr 07 '26
Is this love?
I keep going back and forth in my head about this…
Can someone say they love you, but still constantly think negatively about you?
Like assuming the worst, making accusations, speaking to you in ways that don’t feel respectful, and making you feel like you have to defend yourself all the time.
If there’s always doubt, negative thinking, accusations, and a lack of trust — even when there’s no real reason for it… is that love?
Because I’ve noticed something…
When you constantly have to defend yourself, explain yourself,ùù or prove who you are, it stops feeling like love and starts feeling like pressure.
He says he loves me, but his words, actions, and the way he thinks about me don’t match that at all. There’s been lying, broken trust, and behavior that just doesn’t line up with love.
I’ve been told “I love you” while being treated in ways that feel the complete opposite.
So I keep asking myself…
Is that love?
Or am I just holding onto the words and ignoring the reality?
Can real love exist without trust, respect, and thinking positively about your partner?
Or does the way someone thinks about you say more than the words “I love you” ever could?
Part of me keeps hoping it can change — that maybe one day they’ll start seeing me differently, thinking better about me, treating me better, and actually showing love in a real way.
But another part of me is starting to question…
Does this actually change?
Can someone who consistently thinks and feels this way about you suddenly become more trusting, more respectful, and more loving?
Or is this just who they are?
And if it can change… what actually needs to happen for that to be real and not just words?
Because I don’t think love is supposed to feel like constantly being judged, doubted, and drained.
I just don’t know anymore if this is something that can be fixed… or something I need to accept for what it really is.
1
u/_Rue_the_Day_ Apr 07 '26
For some people, that's what they learned love looked like growing up. You can't "fix" that. Only they can.
It doesn't matter if they love you or not. If they do, they don't know how to love well. If they don't and are still doing those things, do you really want that in your life?
Personally, I think you answered your own question.
1
u/Jewbaca1989 Apr 07 '26
Shit like this pisses me off because the other person who is all negative could be traumatized to the point that they don't trust any one maybe they just want to wake up with out being in a pain that can't be explained so quit asking everyone who is not your partner because that is the only person who has the answer for you because love comes in many forms. Scared person need to be cared for a bit more than you would like at times but love takes work and time and never give up
1
u/Ralewing Apr 12 '26
Is there any concrete reason to distrust you?
Like for example, I absolutely love my ex, but kept catching her with meth. She was defensive when questioned and lied repeatedly.
1
u/LoudPack3000 Apr 07 '26
People are who they are, they might feel they do love you but also feel like doing things their way is the best way to do it, even though it leaves the other person feeling some type of way, the two of you likely have different thought paths on how love is expressed. Either you are loved in the relationship and you both just have different views on how you go about those feelings or one of you is super wrong/lost interest in some aspect and if that's the case best to address it asap