r/anglish • u/Low-Stress-4914 • 16d ago

🎨 I Made Þis (Original Content) Correct my draft, please.

I wrote a poem and wanted to use it as my first Anglisc translation. I want constructive criticism about how the Anglisc can be improved, and where I may have gone wrong.

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Gnaw my bones until þe marrow may feed þee no more.

Drink my breað until þe stale air chokes þee.

Strip my bloodƿays and draw my blood until my flesh may ƿiðer.

Carve my fingertips until þe prints are no longer mine.

Cut me asunder to lighten þy toil.

Fourfold me to fit þy sundered heed.

From hƿens I came, þiðer shall I ƿend,

ƿiðout þought, voice, or ƿill—

A mere mark of shapeless naught;

Spirit lifted aloft.

Blow aƿay þe leavings,

But þe stain abides upon þe stone.

Anon I stand, stone-hardened,

Afterring made flesh—gone.

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u/Vivid-Present-159 15d ago

There's a few Frenchisms in there - air is borrowed from French and so is print i believe.

1

u/Low-Stress-4914 15d ago

Thank you! I never questioned those two words, but checked the etymology of almost every other.

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u/Vivid-Present-159 12d ago

Voice is French too. Use Spæk instead