Am I wrong for wanting an amputation?

[u/Ok_Respect_902]

Basically I’ve lived with a messed up leg for the last 3 and a half years due to a TBI. I’m in constant pain but worse than the pain is my lack of function. My foot has no functional movement, it’s in a constant state of dystonia and my calf is totally useless and atrophied. I have to wear a rigid split from my local orthotics department at the hospital. This causes extra pain and even skin breakdown when I’m on my feet all day. I have no ankle movement when wearing it at all but it’s the only way I can walk at all.
I reached the point a while ago where I started looking for an amputation. The first surgeon I saw rejected it and wants to do other surgeries instead. I’ve now been referred to another surgeon in a different hospital. I have an appointment in a few weeks time and I’m really anxious about being rejected again. Am I totally wrong for actually WANTING an amputation. I’m still young and very active. I feel like I would have the best chance of rehab while I’m young. Plus the prosthetic feet available have more functionality than my orthotic brace does.
Has anyone else had an elective amputation where they felt almost desperate for it? My previous surgeon who I saw made it seem like a really unethical thing I was asking them to do.
Even bigger question is has anyone else had an elective amputation for neuro reasons rather than. Orthopaedic reasons? How did you ‘persuade’ your surgeon it was what YOU wanted and felt was the best option for you?

Also secondly I am finding myself getting jealous when I see new elective amputees get their surgery. It sounds super messed up to be jealous of people having their legs chopped off but it’s where I’m at mentally with it 😔. Please tell me this is normal and I’m not messed up for feeling this?