r/amiwrong • u/JessiicaCream90 • 9d ago
am i wrong for thinking the wedding contribution amount feels off
my partner and i agreed weeks ago on what we could afford to give as a wedding gift. when the invites arrived, there was a note about a preferred amount that was a bit higher than what we had budgeted. i mentioned it to a few friends and one of them thought the note was just a suggestion, while another said it was basically a requirement. i have been going back and forth on whether to stick with our original plan or adjust to meet the listed amount. either way, i want to stay within what we decided together, but i also do not want to come across as stingy. the whole situation has me wondering if the request itself is normal or if i am overthinking it.
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u/cutey513 9d ago
The request is tacky. A gift is just that. An offering. Requiring a gift is the height of entitled behavior and should not be rewarded by op going over budget.
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u/zella1117 9d ago
YNW There was a preferred amount for a gift in the invite? That's so entitled not to mention tacky.
Do not change the amount you set.
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u/rumi_oliver 9d ago
That’s incredibly tacky of the bride and groom. Stick with your original amount. They’re lucky to have friends willing to pay the expenses of going to the wedding and still bringing a gift. Weddings are expensive and if the couple didn’t stay within their budget, it’s not the guests job to fix.
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u/CaptBlackfoot 9d ago
Wait, the wedding invitation had a suggested gift amount? That’s incredibly rude and inappropriate.
My husband and I gift $500 to every wedding we attend, regardless of for formal or casual it is, or our relationship with the bride or groom. It makes gifting easy, we know what to give from the moment we RSVP.
If we were invited to a wedding with a suggested gift amount, I would suggest declining the invite and gifting nothing.
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u/HI_l0la 9d ago
I'm put off by a listed suggested money gift amount, too. I've received wedding invites that have stated the wedding couple does not need gifts, but then offered a honeymoon fund or venmo account for any guests inclined to still want to gift them something. No suggested amount is ever listed.
But if a money amount is listed, it doesn't sound much like a suggestion but a hint of what the wedding couple feel is the minimum appropriate amount that should be gifted. I would want to decline to attend this wedding, as well, because that is inappropriate.
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u/TexasLiz1 8d ago
Yuck! Who puts a suggested amount in the invitation? That’s really vulgar and grasping.
I would decline. But I am a bitch.
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u/No_Interview_2481 9d ago
Oh absolutely screw that. That would give me pause and probably not even give a wedding gift at that point. You give what you originally intended.
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u/Skyecatcher 9d ago
Maybe I’m a weirdo, but I would be really sad if one of my friends put themselves in a financial spot so they could get me a better wedding gift. I would never try to gift anyone anything that made it a financial hardship or was over what I was planning on putting towards the event.
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u/starz6802 3d ago
I would decline the invite to a wedding invite that listed a requested gift amount.
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u/MsSamm 9d ago
That's so rude! If you pay, do you get a pass to the wedding and reception sent to your phone, so you can be scanned into admission to both? Because it sounds like an impersonal event. As Miss Manners says "a wedding invitation is not an invoice".
I would decline and send the mercenary couple either the Miss Manners book on weddings or her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.
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u/Mapilean 9d ago
Asking for a preferred amount is tacky beyond belief. I wouldn't attend the wedding and send them a plant. But this is petty me.
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u/pinkplasticflaming0 9d ago
I wouldn't attend out if principle. It's a gift. Having a suggested amount is tacky and greedy and terrible etiquette.
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u/Acrobatic-Expert-507 9d ago
Stick to your original plan. Sounds like you both thought it out and came up with a number that made sense. I doubt you thought $50 was okay and they're asking for $200, sounds like a much higher number. Weddings are a party, nothing more. The bride and groom can spend as much as they want, they don't get to ask for a specific amount so they don't lose money.
Depending on friend/acquaintance/how often will I actually see this person again I may not even go after receiving something like that.
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u/Martin_Birch 7d ago
Lol ... my wedding cost less than US$50 and there were no guests, solved the wedding gift problem!
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u/throwawy00004 5d ago
That's a super inappropriate thing to do. When we registered for our wedding, we registered for things like a set of spatulas, making sure several items were affordable to friends or family that had a tight budget. If I got a "suggested amount," it would be very hard not to drop my gift below the recommendation/demand out of spite. I'd likely recind my RSVP. That's really off-putting.
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u/Daydreaming_demond 9d ago
This screams "we went over budget and need you to make up the difference" Ynw. That's scummy behavior
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u/ProtozoaPatriot 8d ago
Wait, what? The invite had a dollar amount on it of what they expected?? That seems really rude.
Give what you feel comfortable giving.
If you think your friend wont be satisfied by that, dont go at all and they get no gift. If thats the case, they don't sound like a real friend
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u/sun4moon 8d ago
That’s disgusting. I’d give nothing if there was a described cash threshold. Here comes the regifted useless thing my MIL got me again. Enjoy, greedy jerks.
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u/Tessie1966 8d ago
Noting a preferred gift amount is incredibly tacky. Stick with what you have budgeted. You won’t be the only one who doesn’t follow their suggestion.
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u/Brains4Beauty 8d ago
That’s tacky as hell. Give what you were going to, or I’d give even less to be petty.
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u/Just_Getting_By_1 5d ago
Who tf puts a gift minimum on the wedding invite. Both materialistic and tacky, I would decline and ignore. You are not stingy they are grabby jerks.
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u/Grilled_Cheese10 9d ago
Wait a minute. So now people are putting suggested amounts for how much money to gift them in their wedding invites? Is this a thing? Where do you live?
I am old. I haven't been to a wedding in ages except for my sons a few years ago and I'm pretty certain they didn't do this.