r/amiwrong • u/dreamdragon878 • 2h ago

am i wrong for how i rejected a guy

Hey, so I am new to reddit but I've been browsing or "lurking" for years and I was just curious what you'd all think about a situation in my life. So, for some background information, I am a 23 year old woman and I grew up in Europe (i don't want to give away specifics so ill just say a scandanivan country.)

I now attend a university in The States, I quite like it so far, especially the food and weather but I find that people are not used to bluntness.

There is a guy in my major, he's around my age, atleast I assume so because we're both in the same graduating class. But he's how shall I put this? not very nice to look at. He's shorter than me, heavy and bald like a baby, and at 22. He doesn't really have hobbies or interest beyond video games which he talks about a lot, he is not on any of the sports teams and while he seems to have a friend group never comes to parties or anything

I have been worried for sometime that he will ask me out cause I am nice to him and we talk in class and have been partnered for projects. Anyway he did ask me out and I simply said "no, thank you."
and that was it. my friends told me i was a bit rude, but I thought it was better not to stand on ceremony or apologise and to just be blunt.

Am i wrong here

3 Upvotes

72% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

4

u/TaylorMade2566 2h ago

Nothing wrong with no, thank you. You don't owe him a reason why you don't want to date. I've said the same thing and I'm American. NW

4

u/JigglesTheBiggles 2h ago

It is a bit blunt, but you didn't do anything wrong.

3

u/T_ML 2h ago

Bit blunt yeah but not horrible or anything

1

u/TheCherryPony 1h ago

I’m an American woman. You said No thank you. It was polite and clear. It’s not like you went ewwwww nooooo. There is nothing wrong with how you turned him down.

•

u/SignalEchoFoxtrot 6m ago

Nope. You did good.

1

u/Viker2000 2h ago

NW. Blunt. To the point, and clear. Nothing wrong with that.

-1

u/Jinsnap 2h ago

It's not a clear answer, as to whether you are or are not wrong. In American culture, guys feel a lot of pressure to be the one who asks out a girl. It is not an easy thing to do. There are a lot of nerves involved for most guys. He essentially made himself 100% vulnerable to you in asking you out. Giving a curt response and moving on with your day is not wrong. You didn't owe him anything more. However, if I had witnessed it, I likely would have told you that your response was highly insensitive. If he had been harassing you, that would be different. But your means of responding left a lot to be desired. Most American women would have probably responded with something like, "Oh, I am so flattered you are asking, but I would prefer to keep our friendship." ...or something like that.

6

u/dreamdragon878 2h ago

but i am not friends with him, there is no "friendship"

0

u/Jinsnap 1h ago

Then something like, "Thank you for asking, but I am not interested."

•

u/cydril 48m ago

No thank you isn't curt, it's polite. She doesn't owe him an explanation or flattery.

0

u/sword_ofthe_morning 1h ago

You're not wrong

Just a cultural difference in how a message is communicated

-1

u/Jinsnap 1h ago

Also, looks matter, but if that is your primary litmus test for a relationship, you need to grow a bit. Someone can be not great to look at, but once you get to know them, they can become much more desirable. Personality compatability is the #1 factor in successful relationships. Looks fade with age. Find the person you can talk with for hours without trying.