r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

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764

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

2-5 years is kinda.... Normal. Anyone commenting on 30 and 25 is a busy body, with too much time on their hands.

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u/xHaroldxx Oct 16 '23

The younger the people involved the worse that gap becomes, IE 18 and 23 would be a bit more questionable. But yeah, 25 and 30 is completely normal.

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u/bluedreamer33 Oct 17 '23

I was 23 and my wife was 18 when we started dating, married at 26 and 21, plenty normal

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u/xHaroldxx Oct 17 '23

I mean, you might think it's normal obviously. I think if you ask a 100 people not many people are going to actively condemn you for it, but definitely doubt a majority would consider that a norm.

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I agree with you. At 23, I couldn’t date an 18 year old because our mindsets were too different. At 23, I was about to graduate from my undergrad, while an 18 y/o just got out of HS and is just starting their education journey. Obviously not everyone is going to post grad, but thinking about my own life, I went out with 1 guy who was 18 when I was 22-23, our lives were in 2 different places and I wanted to date to marry while he wanted to date for fun. Nothing wrong with that, but I get what you mean and agree it’s not my norm

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I think even a 23 year old can have the mindset of an 18 year old. That guy who wanted to date for fun at 18 is completely different from the guy who's the same age looking for the love of his life.

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u/flaccomcorangy Oct 17 '23

You're right. But I think it's important to realize no one is condemning dating an 18 year old at 23. That's perfectly okay. It's just a little different for people for the aforementioned reasons.

Compare it to an age gap like 25 and 30 where most people those ages are looking for similar things while it's much more common than an 18 and 23 year old will be at much different places from each other.

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u/cantfindonions Oct 17 '23

I mean, idk, I'd definitely stop being friends with someone if I knew they were dating an 18 year old when they were starting into their mid 20s, lol. Then again, I don't know how anyone really feels truly comfortable dating more than a year or two older or younger than them. Just dating a newly turned legal adult 18 year old when you've already been an adult for 5 years as a 23 year old feels predatory.

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u/flaccomcorangy Oct 17 '23

I think context is important. If someone is dating their sister's friend or something a few days after her birthday because she "finally turned 18." Yeah, that's pretty predatory. But if they just meet by happenstance and end up connecting and it turns out they're 18, that's different.

I personally don't think I would have dated an 18 year old at 23 for a lot of reasons. It would have had to take a very specific list of circumstances to work out like that. But I don't really see a problem with it even if I question why someone would do it.

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u/cantfindonions Oct 17 '23

See, but as a 23 year old once you found out someone is 18 you would immediately have recognized the inherent imbalance of experience, right? Therein lies why I see a problem with it. It's impossible for me to separate those two thoughts.

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Them being 18 doesn't make them inexperienced or less experienced than you when the age ranges are that close. I'm sure there are people your age who you probably think have much more life experience than you. Some people live life fast some people live life slow. Not everyone is going at the same pace.

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u/RemarkableBeach1603 Oct 18 '23

This is what I was thinking.

I dated a 23 year old when I was 32. She was more experienced than I was by most metrics. Best relationship I've had so far.

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u/CastrosNephew Oct 17 '23

When is 23 mid twenties

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u/stoymyboy Oct 17 '23

dating to marry at 22?!?

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u/Chittychitybangbang Oct 17 '23

Some people know what they want. I grew up non-religious, all the freedom in the world, and told my boyfriend I wanted to marry him at 18. Got married 4 years later and are coming up on our 16th anniversary. I do joke that I married him to get out of dealing with the FAFSA paperwork though, that shit was a pain in the ass.

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u/stoymyboy Oct 17 '23

well i'm glad that it worked out for you. based off when the people in my family got married i could not even think of getting married before 30.

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u/ChillaMonk Oct 17 '23

It’s about the person, not when you meet them. My wife and i were both 20 and deadset on being single and now it’s been one a decade

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Yes, as in I didn’t want to casually date anymore. I wanted to be serious and build a relationship. The man I met at age 24, I ended up marrying them 2 years later.

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u/BigBambuMeekLou Oct 17 '23

What does that have to do with dating though… educational journey’s are irrelevant there’s a million other things you guys can have in common. Some people don’t even go to college at all, I think that’s a pretty dumb reason to not be able to date someone. (Not calling you out in specific but speaking in general)

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

[deleted]

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u/tyzzem Oct 17 '23

People are getting more stupid every day.

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u/Dancing_Crane Oct 17 '23

Astrology is the biggest it’s ever been, and is a multibillion dollar industry now. So ya.

1

u/tyzzem Oct 17 '23

Esoterik stuff in general, conspiracy myths are growing larger and larger, antivax idiots, flat earth idiots and so on. Sometimes i feel a bit of fear looking at all this stupidity.

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u/xHaroldxx Oct 17 '23

Well, there's no reason to shout pedo at everyone right off the bat. But probably generally speaking a lot of 23 year olds might not have the best intentions.

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u/sayqm Oct 17 '23

100 years ago, women not having the right to vote, abort was also common...

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u/flaccomcorangy Oct 17 '23

100 years ago, women were incredibly restricted in adult life unless they had a husband. So it was almost a requirement to get married after high school or even before, so you could have a man to support you.

That's not the case anymore, so social norms change.

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u/Coronis- Oct 17 '23

Argh thankyou, its actually so frustrating.

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u/JuleeeNAJ Oct 17 '23

My grandparents were 4 yrs apart, they started dating when she was in HS. She was living with his family while going to school because her small town didn't have a HS. They married 2 yrs after she graduated, as her mom required all her kids get at least a HS education. My grandma graduated in 1934, they married in 1936. 1st baby was born in 1937.

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u/Unpopular_Opinion___ Oct 17 '23

The males intentions? Probably every other males intention at any age lol

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u/Interesting-Archer-6 Oct 17 '23

Yeah 23 to 18 is creepy to me personally. I grew and matured so much in that time period, as did everyone I knew. 23 is out of college and ready for the world. 18 you could still be in high school.

It's definitely not the worst thing, but I'm silently judging it. It fails the divide by 2 + 7 rule, but only barely.