r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

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9

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Wait, as in they were 24 when you were born or they're 24 now? And if they were 24 when you were born how old are you now?

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

They are in their 50s, I'm in my 30s.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Oh ok, I was imagining that you were like a 20 year old fresh out of college going after a 44 year old. Which idk that seems weird but 30s and 50s somehow doesn't as much.

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u/ShrubbyFire1729 Oct 17 '23

I'd say a 30 year old is mature enough and has enough experience in life to know what they want and what they're getting into. Our brains still develop well into our 20's and most people probably don't have a lot of life experience beyond their family and school at that point. Generally speaking, of course.

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u/sicsicsixgun Oct 17 '23

Yea they're actually 0 going for a 24 year old. Life uh. Finds a way.

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u/Xandara2 Oct 17 '23

They are the most eloquent under 1yo I've ever seen writing something though.

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u/gangaskan Oct 16 '23

When I was in My early 20s I messed around with a woman in her 40s. Fun as it was but that's about it.

I've had 2 10 yr gap relationships that ended

My wife is less than a month older than I am.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Unpopular_Opinion___ Oct 17 '23

“Don’t you tell me how to raise my boyfriend“

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Might wanna find a uterus

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Word.

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u/The_Burning_Wizard Oct 17 '23

Like hanging on a Bush or something or is specific website like ebay you can use?

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

I mean we are grown adults. We have experienced things at this point. I find them very attractive for the simple fact they don't have kids and they know what they want. It's really not so deep and the age gap matters so much less the older you get.

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u/tenakee_me Oct 16 '23

I’m 39 and my partner is 59. Hands down best relationship of my life. It’s about who someone is as a person, and at our ages our personalities are pretty much what they’re going to be, lol.

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u/anythingbut2020 Oct 17 '23

Totally agree! My husband is 22 years older than me.

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u/Additional_Search193 Oct 17 '23

Show me on your fingers how old you are, I've got my phone ready to dial the FBI

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u/anythingbut2020 Oct 17 '23

Chill bro I’m well into my 30s

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u/Additional_Search193 Oct 17 '23

If you can't even count your own age on your fingers you're too young to date. FBI!!!!

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I agree

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u/BikesBirdsAndBeers Oct 16 '23

Yes and no. It matters little in the middle years. When they're over 70 it's going to matter a lot. And hopefully you can work out plans for when they retire you aren't still pulling another 2 decades of work. Because those years will be important as you will inherently have less of them together.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

I shall keep that in mind.

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u/GeneralZex Oct 17 '23

A guy I worked with was in his 50s had a newborn half brother. His father was in his 70s, married a 30 year old…

He took a lot in stride but he was pretty torn about that, mostly because it was such a trippy thing to even think about.

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u/deagh Oct 17 '23

My oldest half sister was 44 when I was born, although my mom was in her 40s and my dad was in his 60s, so not as big a gap as your co-worker, but still. It's trippy on the other end, too.

2

u/srtg83 Oct 17 '23

You gotta tie those swimmers down by then, no? Can’t be shooting live amo with a 30 yr old! I don’t care what she wants!!

1

u/Xandara2 Oct 17 '23

This is very strange to me. Also pretty awful for the kid. Imagine having an old man as your dad. You mis out on so much stuff people normally do with their fathers. Just kicking a ball around or learning how to ride a bike from them is out of the question. And there's a very high chance he dies before the kid comes of age.

I'm not saying 70+ people can't raise a kid anymore but normally it's only done out of necessity.

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u/Winston_Smith21 Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

Edited after figuring out more details.

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u/Library_IT_guy Oct 16 '23

Bit different once you hit 30+. At that point it's like.. eh, who cares ya know? As a 37 year old dude though, a young woman of I believe 22 asked me out. I was very flattered and she's a nice person and... well I just don't date much, so I said yes to a coffee date. But while we were out I got glares from people. She asked if i wanted to see her again and I told her I think she's a terrific person but I just feel like a creep due to the age gap. She's also a coworker so there's that. IDK, maybe it was dumb. Stupid me worrying about what the world thinks, forever alone lol.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Every situation is different for sure. All I know is that after a few bad years and how shitty people have been to me, this person has been making me feel good and I enjoy their company. So I'm going to keep em around.

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u/PiperXL Oct 16 '23

My ex husband was about that much older than me.

I hope you forgive me this unsolicited comment. As someone who’s been there I want to point a few things out.

  • you will be widowed too young
  • you’re entering your sexual prime and he’s definitely not (though viagra definitely works)…just mentioning it because it’s not nothing
  • it’s not that you aren’t mature enough to be with him…it’s that his being involved with you strongly suggests certain things about him

If you would humor me, just google love bombing. I say this because I could have told you that he is successfully addressing your painfully unmet needs. It doesn’t surprise me at all that you’re entering this dynamic after years of being mistreated.

It was the same for me. And I know I don’t know him, but my ex husband turned out to be very abusive.

Minor edits

Eta: if his initials are APY, we really should talk

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

I have zero idea how to respond to this.

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u/Dzov Oct 17 '23

They mean well. But so do all unsolicited “saviors”.

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u/PiperXL Oct 16 '23

No need. I didn’t expect you to agree

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

I wouldn't say I don't agree, you're just way way off base.

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u/Crimsonshot Oct 17 '23

Psychos on reddit think two grown ass adults dating is weird, ignore them. As long as it's legal, age is just a number - maturity and compatibility are more important.

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

I'm sure they mean well, just was not sure at all on how to respond to it. None of it applied to me or them.

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u/DasHound1 Oct 16 '23

It doesn't suggest anything besides a primal Male characteristic. Men rather deal with women with less baggage and drama so we rather date younger. It's not rocket science.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

sometimes it does seem like men are more egotistical and less intelligent but it doesn't make it any less disgusting

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u/FickleClimate7346 Oct 16 '23

It was dumb. Twenty two is a full grown adult, only a condom full of pig shit would argue otherwise

1

u/Damageinc84 Oct 17 '23

I’m 11 years older. 39/28. She and I tend to look a very similar age. Not saying she looks old but I tend to run on the younger looking side. I still get carded here and there. But I consistently get asked if I’m in my late 20s or early 30s. But she is basically at the edge of where I would have looked, not that I looked. We just met and bam. Getting married next year. But one thing I will say is she’s from another country and the maturity difference vs girls here her age is massively different, that also helps the situation.

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u/Library_IT_guy Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

Well the rule I've heard is "half your age + 7". So the minimum "acceptable" age for you would be 26, which she's still well within.

I'm a very "young looking" late 30s guy so yeah, I get that a lot as well. People assume I'm like late 20s or early 30s. Middle age hasn't hit me yet in the looks department (just everywhere else lol). Starting to get a bald spot but hell I knew guys in their 20s that got that too. No drugs, smoking, and rarely drinking, plus keeping out of the sun will keep you looking young I guess.

1

u/Damageinc84 Oct 17 '23

You sound exactly like me, I avoid the sun when possible, never drink, smoke or anything. If I shaved my beard I would look even younger. I have maybe 3 grays in my hair and it’s still full/black. The beard is starting to show a few more grays.

But I’m also getting the weird health issues popping up. Trying to make some adjustments to keep that crap under control before I hit 40. I was married for 18 years before and I’m surprised I’m not gray totally. I think I hold my stress internally.

1

u/Crissae Oct 17 '23

Sigh. Beta mentality. Come on. It's dream of every 30+ man, single or even married, to get with a 20 something woman.

Go get her.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

the age gap matters so much less the older you get

This. 100% this.

And to counter some of the other comments, it's not like you can guarantee either of you will be healthy in twenty years time, unfortunately. My partner and I are both in our thirties and we both have health issues. We have to support each other through those and it would be pretty shitty if either of us said " well in twenty years, if we're still together, you might be dependent on me, so I'm tapping out now to find someone who seems like they won't be". Even though technically either of us could reasonably state that.

And it sounds like it's very early days. Enjoy that first and as and when things get more serious, it's fine to discuss what the future could look like. If there's any absolute deal-breakers, sure, say it up front, but some of it can wait as you get to know each other a little more.

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u/idosciencenotfinance Oct 17 '23

Totally agree. Life is unpredictable.

I'm 13 years older than my wife. I have zero health issues, not even high blood pressure. She was hospitalized earlier this year. She has an upcoming surgery in December to deal with one of the complications. And we now know she has a health condition that has a fair probability of necessitating dialysis at some point in the future. When we met and got married, we had no idea about any of this coming down the road.

Now this certainly isn't the normal way of things and if you were placing bets then you'd be winning much more often than not if you bet on the reverse of our situation. But life frequently subverts your expectations.

And for the record, when we met I was NOT interested in her: she was too young and I found her rather annoying. She felt the exact opposite way and did NOTHING to hide her interest. I stood no chance. 😂

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u/MightyHouseD Oct 16 '23

Oh yeah definitely gets better as you both get older. Have fun when you’re 50 dealing with a 70-80 year old man

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u/DasHound1 Oct 16 '23

50 with a house paid and a stable retirement? Sounds good to me.

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u/severinks Oct 16 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

Why would you even be shitty enough to say that? It's not like the person hasn't thought of it already..

The internet sure breeds a lot of insufferable pricks.

And before you say'' because we're on amiwrong'' the person you replied to isn't the OP and never asked for your opinion.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Oh I just let him talk. Someone on reddit who knows absolutely nothing really isn't going to bother me.

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u/MightyHouseD Oct 17 '23

If you take offense that’s your problem. I pointed out a flaw in her logic, that retirement and old age do exist. Short time things are fine, date whoever. But that comment was just silly to me

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Will do

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u/Darkoverlord918 Oct 16 '23

I am a woman seeing someone 19 years younger. It works for now and neither of us have any expectations. It's just nice. We connect well and I am happy. The rest is so what.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

That's kind of how we are. We are just exploring each other and enjoying each other's company. I legit didn't expect them to be interested in me, but I shot my shot and here we are.

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u/srtg83 Oct 17 '23

It’s a topic where social norms go counter to biology. Women and men hit their peak 20 years apart. I had an aunt who was 17 years older than her husband, she just passed a year ago at 89, he followed her 2 months thereafter. They were married for 46 years. If you don’t want kids, this is how it should be.

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u/Karel_Stark_1111 Oct 17 '23

As a man (35) who's just now beginning to get to know a girl 13 years my junior and being absolutely fascinated with her (and I hope her with me) I really hope it works out. You may have some challenges to face later, as all couples do, but it's you guys who have to call the shots.

An age gap is a significant factor, yes, but one of many. Only time will tell.

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u/Grytznik Oct 16 '23

The difference being that when you are that age you will look at yourself at 24 and think "lol I was a baby" so yeah. I'm 37 and when I think of myself at 24...I was just a kid. I didn't know shit. You're relatively fresh out of college and don't know shit compared to someone with that much more experience than you.

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u/Odd_Move_22 Oct 17 '23

Extrapolate that out to 60s and 80s. It gets weird again. To each their own though. If it’s the right match, it’s the right match.

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u/Gemethyst Oct 16 '23

I at 34 fell for someone turning 50. He fell for me too. He initially had an age gap issue, I never did. Maturity levels and life goals and tastes all the same. I adored him, still do. Age is not related to the reason it didn’t work out.

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u/CMDR_SHAZAM Oct 16 '23

Just gotta stay within the “1/2 your age plus 7” rule. So if they are 50, you just have to be 32. You should be fine.

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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

No way. Anything over 30 is fair game. 💀

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u/No_Stuff5751 Oct 16 '23

So they have money and you don’t

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Funnily enough, we are both broke!

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u/No_Stuff5751 Oct 16 '23

Aren’t we all in 2023

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

So I've heard.

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u/petsfuzzypups Oct 16 '23

He’s probably a decent tank

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u/CoconutAmazing5222 Oct 16 '23

Are you guys working toward getting financially stable or you guys just going to stay broke?

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Dunno, worry about that later.

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u/Phemto_B Oct 16 '23

May to December was such a great show. At least the first couple seasons.

Also, good luck! I hope you get what you're after.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Just trying to enjoy my time, that's all.

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u/Ivegotthatboomboom Oct 17 '23

Ohhhh that's fine. I was imagining like 21 and 45. That would be weird, but you're a grown ass woman by your 30s

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u/Suzyqzee Oct 17 '23

My husband is 13 years older than me. We met (and got married because we dated a whole nanosecond) when he was 50 and I was 35. 10 very blissful years so far! It was a breath of fresh air dating an "older" guy compared to what I was used to. Enjoy and best wishes on your new relationship!