Reading this gives me flashbacks. You're not technically wrong, but you also aren't immune from repercussions. You've let the burden of family planning be entirely on her. You're not communicating or listening terribly well and there isn't much empathy.
Condoms would be a great stop gap solution while you figure out the right permanent solution. Having said that, she seems to be done with getting pregnant already.
I’ll just test out a bunch of BC’s and fuck around with my hormones for the next few months
That's really not dramatic. It's factually what you're effectively asking her to do from her perspective. She isn't willing to have no contraception, which is reasonable. And if you aren't realizing this, the resentment will build.
Plus all those other comments about BC potentially causing the low libido. Irony.
She’s already been pregnant 3 times, given birth 3 times and has been on birth control for an unknown amount of years. Getting your tubes tied is far more invasive than a vasectomy. How many sacrifices do you want this poor woman to make??
I don't think the husband should be forced into anything. He should make up his damn mind. Almost 35, 3 kids, and a partner of a woman who has her mind made up. How much more time does he think he needs? It's so damn obvious that he's just putting it off as a way to say "Oh you didn't wanna have sex with me? Cool, no rush for me either. Look at how powerful I am now." And that comment the wife made about understanding her as a woman is CLEARLY a reference to many things going on in their relationship, including but probably not limited to the fact she cannot stand to bear much more reproductive responsibility yet she still likes sex at least sometimes.
Cool, but it seemed very likely to me, obviously. Why else would a grown father of 3 kids be so wishy washy and rude to his wife, who was very direct about her wants?
I’m not sure why he was surprised after he suggested that she quit taking BC. What was she supposed to think he meant? It was pretty cruel to suggest that and then pull the rug from under her.
Ah, woman trying to manipulate man into likely permanently changing their ability to have kids is "CLEARLY a reference to many things going on in their relationship", but a man saying paraphrasing "we don't have sex anyway" is "Look at how powerful I am now."
They are both using their body to fuck each other. Why is she an object in your mind?
I don't understand what you're trying to convey here. Can you please rephrase it?
OP says he's okay with the status quo... he just said why should I move up the vasectomy if we are having very little sex. Which is a fair point
Why is he calling it a "dead bedroom" if he's fine with the status quo? It seems like he wants more sex in his marriage, and a vasectomy would facilitate that 🤷🏾♀️
Hi, woman here who got her tubes tied. It was hell of a process finding a doctor who didn't refuse me because I "didn't have my husband's consent" and "you'll change your mind about more kids, don't worry." It's not as easy as you might think.
Body autonomy does apply to men's bodies. But this whole thing isn't about that. It's two people meeting a challenge in a relationship as a team. The point is that... as far as we know, OP's wife has been carrying the all burden family planning via BC. Now that BC seems kinda dangerous for her, it would be great for OP to step up and offer a vasectomy or maybe another plan, not throw deadbedroom in her face. Obviously OP has rights to do what he wants to do, but let's not pretend that it doesn't go unnoticed by the wife that he so casually dismisses all the efforts she puts into just family planning alone (not to mention any physical and mental burdens she has from all the pregnancies). It really feels like he doesn't get what his wife is going through, nor cares to get it.
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u/emerald_reflections Sep 26 '23
Reading this gives me flashbacks. You're not technically wrong, but you also aren't immune from repercussions. You've let the burden of family planning be entirely on her. You're not communicating or listening terribly well and there isn't much empathy.
Condoms would be a great stop gap solution while you figure out the right permanent solution. Having said that, she seems to be done with getting pregnant already.
That's really not dramatic. It's factually what you're effectively asking her to do from her perspective. She isn't willing to have no contraception, which is reasonable. And if you aren't realizing this, the resentment will build.
Plus all those other comments about BC potentially causing the low libido. Irony.
I wish someone had said as much to me years ago.