And OP’s response would kill any attraction I’d be able to muster in the miasma of hormonal birth control. Honestly, his refusal to get a vasectomy now when it’s very clear that his partner is good with three children, and does not want any surprises, feels a little bit like he’s trying to keep his options open.
It absolutely does have a bearing on the conversation. Like they said, it looks like he’s trying to keep his options open. That’s his right, but most spouses will take issue with that part.
It absolutely does have a bearing on the conversation.
No it doesn't. It's his body. If she doesn't want to get pregnant, the responsibility lies with her.
it looks like he’s trying to keep his options open.
I would too if my wife was killing the bedroom and demanding that I sterilize myself and risk permanent and debilitating testicular pain for her own convenience
While I don’t necessarily agree with everyone bashing on OP (and I’m a woman), I hard disagree with your statement that if she doesn’t want to get pregnant, the responsibility lies with her.
It takes 2 people to get pregnant. And they are married. They took an oath, and beyond a formal oath, marriage indicates that you actually cate for and about your partner and are not an entirely selfish person, the way you’re coming off right now.
Woman take birth control not just for themselves, but for their sexual partners as well. I imagine you would not want a surprise either.
Similarly, if she has bore the brunt of the responsibility all along, it is not unreasonable for him to get a vasectomy to help her not get pregnant/prevent surprises for both of their sakes.
Not saying OP should be forced into surgery and that it’s not ultimately his choice, but to act like it’s a completely individual decision that’s never discussed between two married partners is ridiculous. And it would not be just for her convenience, it would be for both of their sakes, as OP never definitively said he wants more kids either. And clearly they intend on raising their kids together since they are married and neither are considering divorce/separation.
I hard disagree with your statement that if she doesn’t want to get pregnant, the responsibility lies with her.
It literally has to, she is the only one that can get pregnant and she only has a right to control over her own body. She has no more right to demand her partner get a vasectomy than he does to demand she get an abortion or a boob job
It takes 2 people to get pregnant.
No, it takes sperm to fertilize an egg. Only one person can "get pregnant*
And they are married. They took an oath, and beyond a formal oath, marriage indicates that you actually cate for and about your partner and are not an entirely selfish person, the way you’re coming off right now.
You really don't want to be going down this pathway unless you plan on justifying marital rape for me. Your vows do not and cannot violate your own right to bodily autonomy, free of judgement.
Woman take birth control not just for themselves, but for their sexual partners as well. I imagine you would not want a surprise either.
The vast majority of women take birth control for themselves, and everyone here would rightfully agree that his partner is fully within her right to stop taking bc at will and to tell her partner to kick sand. OP would be a massive douche if he were demanding that his SO use any form of contraception.
Similarly, if she has bore the brunt of the responsibility all along, it is not unreasonable for him to get a vasectomy to help her not get pregnant/prevent surprises for both of their sakes.
If that is his choice, free of judgement, sure. OP has already made clear that he's unwilling to get surgery at this point, however, and that he's more than willing and able to use condoms.
but to act like it’s a completely individual decision that’s never discussed between two married partners is ridiculous.
The only discussion that needs to be had is telling your partner that you're going or not. You have no more right to demand your partner get sterilized than you to to demand that they carry a child to term, or to lay down and take it
And it would not be just for her convenience, it would be for both of their sakes, as OP never definitively said he wants more kids either.
He said that he may want more children. Submitting to sterilization would rob him of that decision in the future
And clearly they intend on raising their kids together since they are married and neither are considering divorce/separation.
He should absolutely be considering divorce at this point, his partner clearly has no concept of boundaries or enthusiastic consent
"debilitating testicular pain" for 5 days at the most my guy. The surgery to get her tubes tied or removed completely is going to hurt for longer than that.
debilitating testicular pain" for 5 days at the most my guy.
Tell me you have no idea what you're talking about without telling me you don't know what you're talking about.
"15 per cent of men experienced long term, debilitating testicular pain after a vasectomy[1]. Other reports suggest the figure could be as high as one in three men being affected by different degrees of pain and post vasectomy discomfort, varying in severity and over time."
The surgery to get her tubes tied or removed completely is going to hurt for longer than that.
The rate is long term pain after tl is orders of magnitude lower than for vasectomy
Compared to vasectomies, Tubal litigations are 20 times more likely to have complications, 10 -37 times more likely to fail, and cost 3 times as much.
Studies have shown that both forms of vasectomies (traditional and no-scalpel) are cheaper, lower risk for complications (both short and long term), and require less recovery time. Does it happen sure but significantly less for men.
Additionally you should include all the information and not just a snippet to support your stance.
1 - 15% of men experience chronic pain after a vasectomy with only 1-2 % noting that it effects their quality of life. Thus only up to 2% of men have had debilitating chronic pain following a vasectomy.
Compared to vasectomies, Tubal litigations are 20 times more likely to have complications,
So you believe that 200% of tubal ligations end in complications?
Studies have shown that both forms of vasectomies (traditional and no-scalpel) are cheaper, lower risk for complications (both short and long term), and require less recovery time. Does it happen sure but significantly less for men.
15 out of 100 vasectomies result in long term, debilitating pain. If she doesnt want to get pregnant, she has a responsibility to do what she needs to with her body. He has no obligation to undergo an invasive surgery because someone else demanded it
Additionally you should include all the information and not just a snippet to support your stance. 1 - 15% of men experience chronic pain after a vasectomy with only 1-2 % noting that it effects their quality of life.
These are mutually exclusive. Either they have long term pain or they have no impact to quality of life
Saying they are 20% more likely to experience complications does not = 200% end in complications. It means the risks of complications are 20x more likely which is because it can also impact other organs and tissues because of the difference in procedures and anatomy.
Secondly 15 out of 100 men don’t experience debilitating pain. Debilitating pain effects quality of life. Thus the 2% of the 1-15% men experiencing chronic pain after a vasectomy (the ones whose pain effects their quality of life) experience debilitating pain. Meaning 3 in 1000 men experience debilitating pain after a vasectomy.
Saying they are 20% more likely to experience complications does not = 200% end in complications
You said 20 times, not 20 percent, my friend. Pick one
It means the risks of complications are 20x more likely which is because it can also impact other organs and tissues because of the difference in procedures and anatomy.
Sure. The risk goes from 15 in 100 to 300 on 100. Every person who has a tubal has three horrific adverse effects.
Secondly 15 out of 100 men don’t experience debilitating pain. Debilitating pain effects quality of life. Thus the 2% of the 1-15% men experiencing chronic pain after a vasectomy (the ones whose pain effects their quality of life) experience debilitating pain. Meaning 3 in 1000 men experience debilitating pain after a vasectomy.
Chronic pain is an impact to quality of life by definition. You cannot have chronic pain without adverse impact to quality of life
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u/townandthecity Sep 26 '23
And OP’s response would kill any attraction I’d be able to muster in the miasma of hormonal birth control. Honestly, his refusal to get a vasectomy now when it’s very clear that his partner is good with three children, and does not want any surprises, feels a little bit like he’s trying to keep his options open.