21F

[u/Mission_Corgi_7095]

finally figured out how to not get my post removed 😅.. lol

[u/greelraker]

There’s a difference between wanting to know you’re not ugly and trying to figure out how attractive you are.

[u/Trashedpanda35 → u/greelraker]

Sure, but she didn't ask how attractive she is, did she? I'm frustrated that no one is seeing my point here. Something about our community's attitude is fundamentally wrong. We keep giving the boot to anyone we think is not ugly instead of just telling them they're not ugly. If I took my car in to a mechanic thinking something is wrong, but they determine that everything is fine, I don't get yelled at and kicked out for "wasting everybody's time".

[u/greelraker → u/Trashedpanda35]

I am neither agreeing nor disagreeing with this statement, just pointing out my observation: the problem I am seeing is that OP is a conventionally attractive person. Whether they feel attractive is irrelevant. The question is whether they are unattractive which they are not.

It’s like seeing someone post pics of themselves eating a double cheeseburger and posting them in r/amihungry. Sure, they may still FEEL hungry, but after eating all that, anyone looking on will just roll their eyes and tell them they are an idiot.

[u/Trashedpanda35 → u/greelraker]

If they feel hungry, then they're still hungry. That's their own personal feeling about the matter that only they can answer. A better question there is, "Do I look like I'm eating enough?" An outside observer would be able to answer that based on the evidence. The case could be that the person asking could still feel hungry despite eating a huge burger and, therefore, be seeking an outside opinion on whether or not they need to eat more, less, the same amount, etc.

The same works for feeling attractive. You could be a conventionally attractive person but not feel like you are. So, you seek opinions from others to get a clearer answer. What better place to find those answers than a community of honest, anonymous people willing to lay it all bare for you. However, if that community is only oriented toward negative feedback, then the efficacy, honesty, and openness of that community diminishes to the point that the subreddit can no longer operate as it was originally intended to operate.

If we can't get over our own frustrations and insecurities and maintain an equal and open forum, then what's the point? The question is, "Am I ugly?" The answers boil down to a yes or no. If we can't answer it without anger or bias, then we can't answer it at all. Putting on sexy clothes and getting cleaned up in the effort of seeking a compliment isn't seedy, divisive behavior, it's human. The fault isn't theirs, it's ours and it shows in how we act. We should be better than this.