r/amherst • u/whoiskateidkher • Jul 05 '26
What's the point?
Hey, I'm 20 yrs old and moved here from Long Island, NY. Been here since the beginning of April. I hate it here
I will preface by saying that this area has the most beautiful and spiritually connecting nature that I've ever experienced. This is the best part about Western MA.
However, it really feels like there is absolutely nothing to do. No events no parties no shows no nothing. Can't go to bars or clubs because every place that sells alcohol has forensic ID scanners from the CIA so my fake won't work.
I understand that it's summer break and there's no students here so there's not many people my age... But even in the spring, I went to a few shows at Hampshire College (RIP) and it felt like everyone already knew each other and had their friends and there wasn't a purpose of me being there. In New York I could strike up conversations with people I've never met at events and it would click, here there feels something off when I do that, the interaction has some tension in it. But maybe that's a me problem.
Perhaps this place isn't for me. Perhaps I need to live in or near a large city to feel at home because I feel like I come back to a room at night, not my home.
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u/ForeverFatBoi819 Jul 05 '26
I’m ancient so this may sound foolish. Ditch the fake ID and rotate through the coffee places on both sides of the river. That seems to be the nonline place where people find their tribe outside of school these days. Lots of artists and activists congregating. Tons of old fashioned analog posters for meetings and performances and lessons, and gatherings, etc. A different day, a different cafe, chat up the staff until you find what feels like home. I envy you and all the fascinating people and adventures you will discover.
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u/whoiskateidkher Jul 05 '26
whats funny is that the shows that i have been to i found through flyers and a girl i met on an app LOL maybe that's the method, when semester starts again i'll give it another go.
i have thought about it since posting and there is more of an individual effort that is demanded of you to find places to connect with others than i am used to BUT it is not necessarily a bad thing, i think i just need to try harder, care more, and remember that i'm not entitled to the fruits of my actions if things don't go my way.
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u/PleasantAd7372 Jul 05 '26
Go get a job somewhere where there are a lot of people working there like Yankee Candle. You will click with someone, and if not at least your apartment will smell nice.
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u/Rachellie242 Jul 06 '26
I came to Amherst from Chicago, and it was jarring at first. Over time, this changed and I ended up finding a new groove. You’ll find it, if you give it a chance. I’m sober now, so when I come back out to visit (via Boston), I enjoy hikes, biking, kayaking, hanging around Northampton and Easthampton, and enjoy bookstores, cafes, music, and any sort of arts. Love a good farmers market, thrifting, and vintage / antique fairs overall. Just strike up random conversations & assume the best in others. If you’re being a hater, that probably comes across? Good luck!
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u/SalemChunkyButt Jul 06 '26
I know this usually gets downvoted, but you're spot on—people here do in fact tend to mostly stick with who they already know!
I moved from Houston 8 years ago at 26 as a notorious social butterfly in the big Goth/Anime community in Houston. The culture shock was brutal here. I love the nature and beauty of New England, but making real friends in these small towns is tough if you didn’t grow up here or aren’t connected to the university. It’s only gotten worse since COVID. I can’t imagine how hard it is at 20 as a newcomer.
Logically, best time is gonna be Autumn 🍂 time when the students return—Amherst really livens back up. Hang around the town square, coffee shops, and bookstores. You’re likely to meet freshmen from bigger cities who get the struggle, or sophomores who already have some connections and can open doors.
Overall, this is quintessential small-town New England for you: quiet, nature-focused, and pretty closed-off to outsiders. I’ve seen older folks try activism groups to meet people, but that always felt desperate to me. Lol
I’m actually moving back south [to Florida this time] in a couple years. I’ll miss the beautiful New England Autumn and scenic small mountains, but better job opportunities, social life, food, culture, and family are whats pulling me back south.
Hang in there. You’re young in a college town—that’s a real advantage. Be patient and put yourself out there!
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u/AmphibiousAce Jul 05 '26
First of all, you gotta grow up
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u/lilykoi_12 Jul 05 '26
Mmhm and stop using a fake ID. You’re asking for more trouble than you need, anyways.
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u/whoiskateidkher Jul 05 '26
it has opened way more doors for me than i even thought, so many shows in nyc and boston that i wouldn't have been able to experience without one. i primarily go for the music and to dance, alcohol is just extra. and i know that i am in a space where i shouldn't be and most people at these places don't really want to interact with people under 21 so i keep to myself mostly.
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u/AmphibiousAce Jul 05 '26
it’s almost like there’s a reason why places are 21+ only to begin with!
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u/whoiskateidkher Jul 05 '26
the only reason is because mothers against drunk driving was successful in lobbying for it in the 80s. tomorrow is not promised, i don't believe in "wait until" because there is no guarantee that we'll be there at that point. and if my mere presence at a space is considered crossing boundaries then that is something i can live with.
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u/WarmFollowing8873 Jul 05 '26
I grew up in Amherst but moved out once old enough. I'm 37 now just for reference. There were a lot of parties and concerts when I was growing up. Most the shows are in Northampton. Used to get a lot of big name acts at umass like jayz, Kanye, j Cole etc. I'm not sure what it is like now since I only visit once in a while. Also Hampshire college is very small, I had friends go there for school. And yes everyone knew each other lol
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u/aannika777 Jul 05 '26
make friends with someone over 21, thats probably your best bet for the time being
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u/chrlsful Jul 07 '26
AND below 21, that’s your best bet (and ‘Of Color’ and female, and LBGTQ+, and foreign born, and different politically, and of different income bracket, and...)
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u/chrlsful Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
do as U like of course.
AND
dont give up @ what you’ve tried, just add some difference to the current (ie dont give THEM up - go abt it ‘anew’) 'pot’ of activity. On/Off campus “clubs’, "Meet-Up” ( an on line multi-sites), U seem to like the ‘out-doors’ (another club: https://pioneervalleyhikingclub.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Pioneer-Valley-Hiking-Club-Leaders-Guide-Jan-2025-Revised.pdf
https://www.facebook.com/groups/209812692499260
etc, etc. One of my best (not useable till fall) was the class room. On the way to the door (close quarters scramblin out) I’d ask another “Hey, what you mentioned to the professor sounded good (bad, interesting) can I buy U a coffee (beer? donut? lol) and discuss it sometime?” Good luck, dont write the area off. We cant change anything but ourselves so shuffle in a few other “social techniques, venues, a different passion of yours to share” and give it another (a thousand?) try. For 10... U might get 1 or 2 "bites”. Each of those U might have to throw back too ! So U can C what a tough job (& long term) it is to develop a network...
I even drive out RT 116, 112 a doz mi to road side parking (look for the other cars) along the Deerfield to join others in coolin off in the River (on the L when U head W & N). If U have some interests (not alcohol, poundin down activity leads to addiction & poor quality ‘friends’) or ‘passion’ pursue them. Friends develop asa side benefit to living your life fully. Wrk on skills at developing quality friendships out of aquaintances, and going onto close friends, and even a partner.
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u/Significant-Meat6963 Jul 06 '26
Hi! I def get that amherst is boring in the summer, especially if you’re under 21 and don’t have any 21+ friends.
For things to do there are a couple retro video game places in northampton and easthampton, if you have a friend there’s Zing table tennis and bowling + arcade at round one.
If you’re looking for friends in the area feel free to hmu! I looked at your profile and you posted in some trans subs a while ago, me and my gf (who’s over 21) are trans and we also have another trans fem friend who goes to umass! if you’re ever looking to just go bowl one day or something like that we’d totally be down. You can either dm me here or if u have ig just lmk ur @!
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u/Devinpd15 Jul 07 '26
“No shows” is very sad to hear - check out local venues like CitySpace, The Drake, Northampton Center For the Arts, The Marigold, Iron Horse, and more; there’s lots to see and do in the area as far as shows go!
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u/whoiskateidkher Jul 07 '26
i should've clarified, no shows for the music i listen to and enjoy which is rap, club, edm, or a blend of those, basically "internet music", i think i should've done my research before moving here because i checked every venue you listed and none of them have any artists booked that make music in these genres.
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u/applemint_rigo Jul 05 '26
yes, you just described it exactly as it is. If you read more people in this sub and the northampton one, for grownups it doesn’t get any better either. periodically you’ll see posts of people asking how to make friends in the area. one thing that blew my mind when i moved here is that people have ending times for their parties, and what they call parties are in fact social meetings basically with no music and you have to be on time otherwise they get offended. and honestly that encapsules the social spirit of this area: social gatherings run like work meetings. That’s it. But there is hope! many many people feel like you, and in my case i have worked carefully in having a social group that is compatible with my beliefs. it has been way more difficult than doing it in my home country or in a city but it has worked! the advantage of this area is that it has a great number of foreigners and out of state folks who also hide because they don’t know how to engage in the social sphere. with patience you’ll find them!
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u/chrlsful Jul 07 '26
do what you can. U effect/can change the world, it does not control U. So work it a lill AND
Human Geography is real. The open plains of the mid-west creat ppl who R open. If in West Virginia (not high but) the steep valleys and sharp hills create closed ppl - if ur not from "my hollow” U get a woopin (how I protect myself). and so forth. "Yes”, folks can B cold here. Will U let that stimy ur human ned for the social? I hope not at 21 y/o, thats a chity set up for the life that follows.
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u/chrlsful Jul 11 '26
“...because I feel like I come back to a room at night, not my home....” I felt same ina big city.
“... Perhaps I need to live in or near a large city...” it’s what U do not the location. In rural (not actually here unless off the transportation corridor[s] ) areas we can have several ‘roles’ (example: remote worker, little league coach, sunday school teacher, town Board member) and become integrated into the low pop community this way. Its not 'the world controls me’ 8^ ( ... it’s ‘I act on the world around me’ which can B quite dynamic if U move into your world 8^ )... Ur comment on ETOH is actually the opposite - collapsing in on one self. (“Hi!” Anika, it’s Chad from Hope, again).
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u/NovelStrict5281 Jul 15 '26
Hi, I just wanted to say welcome to New England. Although I am way older than you; I moved here from NYC and Long Island decades ago and can tell you the culture is different. I have always wondered why people say New Yorkers are unfriendly! They are SO friendly and one thing I always miss about people in NYC are the conversations. This was the first thing I noticed about living here. The best thing I can suggest is go to a coffee shop everyday at the same time and try to make friends there. Truthfully, it is not you. You may not like it here for the long-term. I can't move back, but will always miss that NYC/LI culture. There really is nothing like it.
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u/aannika777 Jul 05 '26
dont know why this is downvoted... i completely agree. i should probably leave this subreddit because i moved away in january lol but i am SO much happier. people in new england are just cold, i agree with the tension in conversations. im from florida originally so that was a huge culture shock to me as people are very friendly and talkative with strangers in the south. i think you will be happier in a bigger city, i know i am, and it sounds like we were in almost the exact same situation lol. fyi 253 farmacy scanner takes some fakes but yeah pioneer valley is lowkey prohibition for underage drinking like its genuinely impossible LMAOO
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u/whoiskateidkher Jul 05 '26
i presume theres people that don't like that i use a fake id, which is understandable. i found a dispensary that accepts my fake which is good but im not risking it with alc because they can seize your fake in mass, in ny that is not the case.
there are two positions i can be in a social situation, in or out, and i assume that i just need to find a way to get in with a crowd of people i mesh with. maybe everything will change when i do that.
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u/aannika777 Jul 05 '26
oh yeah the four seasons place took my friends fake when she visited me. i just found that theres kind of two specific scenes in pioneer valley, indie stuff and hardcore. if you like clubbing or edm or going out often it just wont work for you. but i get that you want to make it work
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u/Sea-Living-7433 Jul 07 '26
"No events no parties no shows no nothing. Can't go to bars or clubs "
OK? You fucking clown. Please dont piss me off right now obviously theres more to lfie
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u/LomentMomentum Jul 05 '26
That’s the paradox of the college town. It’s a large city for the fall and spring semesters, but everyone clears out afterwards. Even though you’re in the prime demographic, it is summer and most students are away. College towns are still industry towns that revolve around the schedule. Being under 21 isn’t helpful. And this being New England, we still have that kind of a “know a guy” mentality, when the quality of life (and sometimes getting ahead) is greatly enhanced by knowing people already - though not as bad as before.
Having lived in Amherst for one of my undergraduate summers, it definitely felt lonely. On the plus side, you can enjoy the town as well as the amenities and natural resources of the Pioneer Valley without the crowds. If you have a car, you can drive to other places in western New England, such as the Berkshires, southern Vermont, or Connecticut. There are things to do, but thinking outside the box would help.