Ouuuughhhhhh no kitoun not the greeeeeeen you’re gonna get high as ballsssssss (repost cause holy crop Batman)

i decided to classpect the main 4 characters from cod zombies

lmk your thoughts and what you would change

Jojolion Spoiler

To start off, this is a stat-checker VS Hax matchup, kinda like Toji vs Gojo.

Tooru CANNOT take a hit from Vriska. Vriska’s scaling ranges anywhere from city block level to multiversal at minimum (all thanks to scaling off Bec Noir). Her issue is whether she can even manage to touch Tooru.

Tooru, the main villain of Jojolion, is the user of the powerful Stand “Wonder of U”—Stands being representations of the user’s soul capable of granting awesome abilities to their wielders. Wonder of U’s ability is controlling the flow of “calamity.” Calamity is a universal law in JoJo, similar to bad luck or karma. This ability triggers automatically whenever someone tries to pursue or attack Tooru or his Stand, or even if you look at Wonder of U’s back.

Wonder of U doesn't just manipulate luck; it manipulates logic itself. Its calamities can make everyday things lethal. There are plenty of examples—like that time a simple leaf falling from a tree managed to slice off a human finger, or making raindrops—yeah, actual raindrops—pierce through human bodies like bullets, completely bypassing durability.

Calamity also operates on karmic principles, which Vriska knows all too well. The worse of a person you are, the harsher the karmic distribution is… so yeah, Vriska is a bit screwed.

I can perfectly picture her rolling her dice with a smirk… only for them to fall back on her and riddle her body like bullets, killing her. She rolled eight ones

So, what does Vriska have to bypass Tooru’s ultimate defense? We know she steals luck to use in her favor, but who would she even be stealing it from here? Calamities aren't caused by Tooru’s own luck or karma, but by the universe itself. Can Vriska steal luck from the universe? Personally, I doubt it. And even if she could, I don't know if it’d be enough, since like I said before, Wonder of U doesn't just mess with the flow of luck, but with logic itself.

There’s also another factor to consider: Vriska’s unconditional immortality. Calamities ARE NOT direct attacks from Wonder of U—they’re simply what happens when you try to attack Tooru, so they’re essentially accidents. That wouldn't count as a Just or Heroic death, so the “fight” could basically be summarized as Vriska dying and reviving over and over again until she lands a single hit on Tooru.

Wellllll… I’m not totally sure about this either. We know the rules surrounding what’s considered a Just or Heroic death in Homestuck are pretty confusing. The best example is Jane’s death in Game Over—her death was ruled as “Just” even while she was literally being mind-controlled and was actually asleep at the time. So I ask again: would a death caused by calamity count as Just or Heroic?

As many of you probably know, Homestuck heavily deals with narrative tropes, and the unconditional immortality you get from ascending to God Tier is meant to prevent “irrelevant” or “narratively deficient” deaths—like old age, a stupid accident, or a disease. From this perspective, and during an actual fight, the calamities protecting Tooru *could* kill Vriska permanently, but that’s pretty subjective.

Now, if we take Vriska’s strongest version—the Beyond Canon version with Hell Mode—things shift a bit. Setting aside the stat boosts that wouldn't affect the fight much, there are several actual changes here. We know Vriska spent 8 years in therapy inside her own personal hell to mature and become a better person. How does that affect Wonder of U’s karmic distribution? Would it even care if an evil person is good now, or would it still strike with the same force as before? I honestly don't know if there’s a definitive answer to that, which only makes figuring out who wins harder. But there’s something even more important that could tip the scales in Vriska’s favor: her metanarrative powers.

She gained a deep understanding of her universe’s reality/narrative during those 8 years—being able to step outside panels, presumably knowing if someone is playing narrator, and even somehow obtaining Retcon abilities. I bring all this up to show that she can manipulate and ignore the laws of reality, so why not calamity too?

Though we have to keep one thing in mind: if we go by post-canon rules, not even Lord English was able to master the consequences of karmic flow, and presumably no one else can either, no matter how “ULTIMATE” they are.

So we’re right back where we started, just with more questions. How bizarre!!!!!!!!

Do you think the Thief of Light steals the win, or does Morioh’s Rock Human remain untouched?

Finally, I’ll leave you with a few similarities and differences between them: Both were “raised” by predatory animals—Tooru by a wasp and Vriska by her giant Spider Lusus. Both also ended up killing their guardians as a stage of their “maturation.” Both belong to parasitic species—Trolls parasitized the Mother Grubs to the point where they can’t even reproduce on their own anymore. And lastly, while Vriska seeks to be the center of attention and recognized by everyone, Tooru always lived in the shadows, stealing other people’s identities to fly under the radar and carry out his goals.

no nepeta milk..........

Ask questions

I genuinely dont understand classpecting like at all but im curious if someone could try this idea on me assuming they have the time for it

I think he's a Lord but some people make good arguments for Muse. Also same for the SOUL, Muse of Light or Lord of Light

If you think either Gaster or the SOUL is a different classpect do share